I may be here, you may be there
Distant and miles and miles away,
Between land and between seas
Days always pass without you by my side,

I may see you seldom
I may see you never
But my heart still beats for you forever,

I may not be vocal for what I feel,
I may not be showy in acts for real,
But deep inside I love you,
In my own special way I do. Always.

Entombed in plastic and million dollar magnets a marvel of medical magic mines my mind for defects little pearlescent pearls of impending numbness and degeneration generated by rogue proteins surging through my spine an overwhelming force indiscriminately seeking targets shooting first and never asking
questions

Awake. feeling chest pain. Is it my valve?  It's nearly a quarter century old.  How long do these things last? Titanium, strong, will outlive me, but what about the flesh it's anchored to? Pain is an indicator.  What's wrong?

I tick like a clock as it opens and closes, hearing  each time it skips a beat.  Doctors said it looked real good, but eight months ago, not now.

I have two diseases with the same initials.  Shouldn't there be a rule against that?  Multiple Sclerosis and Marfan Syndrome.  What an awkward pair.  

Overlapping symptoms complicating treatment.  You think they'd give me a two for one discount?

Beautiful, sweeping, seeping mist
  Don't weep for me your gentle tears
  But kiss the trees as only you can
Before their youthful leaves turn Gold
  To be plucked or pulled down by the wind
Bewitch the spell till summer comes
  And turn the Falls' head with drizzlin'
As you clasp bare limbs in paleing hands
  Would you kiss the trees as only you can?

The joining
of your soul to mine
You feel it
My heartbeat
Through your lips
My breath
Swirls
Like painting light
Across your body
Fingertips
Tracing bliss
Of knowing
You are mine
Of mixing
Blessing
With desire
Of sacred acts
Older than memory
Of feeling
Your soul
Blend and curl
Under your skin
Letting me in
Meet me
In the place
we both know
is Home
Where I
Belong to you
With names
I cannot remember
My aching heart
Longs to surrender
To everything
Without fear
Meet me here

Am I supposed to
Beg you to be happy
in a cage

It feels like we
always have to be
this soup of love
trust
contentment
lust
fear and shame

It makes me tired
I would rather be tired than be without
That thought puts steel in my back
calm in my heart
Anything is better than
nothing
Fear of loss is better than loss itself

But I would like a day
a week
a month
a year without fear
But then that's not life

Life
I am grateful for you
Even when you chase me down
like a hare before hounds
Even when no tree is dense enough
No place safe
quiet enough

At least I am breathing
It has to be enough

Was it worth my life
Those few moments of pure real happiness
Yes
But the reason there was a risk
Seems so stupid to me
Why couldn't you just have
Used your imagination
But you couldn't
And so it is
So it was
Worth it
But I wish it had been different
I wish so much
I want a long and
Healthy life
Full of moments of pure
Happiness
With you
But I am scared now

You are both the candle

burning in the back of my mind

gently illuminating my every thought

your soft glow always guiding me home

and the roaring bonfire

whose heat and light

are a beacon for miles around

drawing me irrevocably to you

your pulse and energy

burn with a primal force

that makes my blood sing

and flames me to life

My whole self offered up.
Raw.
Like a sacrifice on an ancient stone altar.
The oldest and most pure ritual in the world,
of one human soul putting itself completely in the hands of another.
Surrender.
You take me as I am.
As I was.
As I will be.
You have made me yours and I will stop at nothing to bring you peace, happiness, contentment...
anything you ever desire.
This is my purpose.
The answer to all of my whys.
The quiet place that was always...
Home.