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Esme Calder Sep 10
Im sorry, are the words I should have said
But sickening silence is what left instead
Forgive me, I should have begged
I was wrong, I tried but efforts become quicksand
And I know you tell me I fly but I promise you I can’t
I should have noticed, but yet I couldn’t
I wouldn’t, so convinced I shouldn’t
So now you have become an anchor for the ship you’ve built
Now your body has been used to keep me in place and afloat
Now you have become the dying sun in the night of silk
And I know you wouldn’t want it, but you’ve gone and I’ve lost hope
I know this was supposed to a push for me to be safe
But I can’t help but wonder if it was me that made you hate
The mirror, and the person behind it. Convinced you there was darkness
Waited a mile away as the bomb set off, and you became less and less
I’m sorry, is what I should’ve wrote with the stars I drew on your arm
I know your hurting, as the stars became ones in your vision, and the crash of the car alarm
Would be the last thing you heard, im sorry I couldn’t tell
I wish I would’ve been there, I wish I would’ve helped
Even if my hands began to slow, covered with your blood
I would hold you and sing a lullaby to let you know you are loved
Maybe then the angels would take you in like you’ve thought not
And even though you promised, I think about this a lot
So im sorry, I’ll say it now, im sorry for using the hope you’ve given out
Each a part of you and each a part of me, let me become what your story was about
Im sorry, forgive me, come back down to earth
I promise that I’ll listen, I promise now I will learn
I promise I will hold you like you never let me before
But I knew you needed it but yet I still walked out that door
You kept it locked for a reason but now I know it was a way to escape
You were keeping the promise so when I left it open, there was no one else you could hate
Im sorry
I hope you can forgive me though I know you won’t be beside me
I will try to become who you needed me to be
Because I don’t know what else to do from keeping me from following
Im sorry, because I’m writing to late
Im trying my best like I told you, im trying to stay sane
Will you accept my apologies, even when you are so far away?
Will you let me have another chance, will you let me hold you?
Will you let me say sorry until the empty space beside me is no longer new?
R Sep 7
If I weren’t afraid to live,
I’d move to Norway.
I’d wake to mountains wrapped in mist,
walk beside fjords that mirrored the sky,
and learn that silence is not an enemy
but a companion.
 
If I weren’t afraid to live,
I’d not only see the world—
I’d learn it.
I’d taste spices in Morocco,
learn dances in Brazil,
drink red wine in Spain,
walk beneath the cherry blossoms in Japan,
stand in Iceland under skies that catch fire,
trace the ruins of Greece with my fingertips,
watch the sun rise over deserts in Morocco.
I’d wander through India’s colors,
breathe the sharp air of the Andes,
and sit quietly in the forests of Finland
until stillness felt like home.
 
If I weren’t afraid to live,
I’d dive into the Great Barrier Reef,
swim among colors brighter than anything I’ve written.
I’d climb mountains in Switzerland
and let my lungs burn with clean air.
I’d follow the rivers of Canada,
camp beneath skies so heavy with stars
they would drown out my doubts.
I’d stumble through words in languages not my own
and laugh at the mistakes.
I’d fill my passport with stamps
and my heart with places that felt like home
for a day, a week, or a lifetime.
 
If I weren’t afraid to live,
I’d tell people how I feel.
I’d say I miss you without shame,
I need you without fear,
I love you without hesitation.
I would trust that they could hold
both the light and the storm of me.
I would risk being known.
 
If I weren’t afraid to live,
I’d create without fear.
I’d paint without erasing,
write without deleting,
sing without lowering my voice.
I would publish my poems
and trust they might land
in someone else’s quiet night
like a lantern they didn’t know they needed.
 
If I weren’t afraid to live,
I would adopt a cat.
I’d let it curl against me in the evenings,
purring its small, steady rhythm
into the noise of my thoughts.
I’d adopt a dog too,
let its joy drag me outside,
pulling me toward sunlight and weather,
reminding me that life is meant to be walked through.
 
If I weren’t afraid to live,
I’d dance in the rain,
sing off-key in the shower,
fill notebooks without editing,
and dance badly but freely.
I’d stop waiting for the perfect moment,
and instead let imperfect moments
become my life.
 
If I weren’t afraid to live,
I would let myself dream of futures.
Not just days or weeks,
but years.
I’d imagine birthdays not yet celebrated,
friendships not yet found,
a life that stretches forward
instead of folding in.
 
If I weren’t afraid to live,
I would know what it feels like to be free.
Free from the weight of fear,
free from the urge to vanish,
free to step into the world
without asking permission.
I’d gather freedom piece by piece—
in laughter, in rain, in mountains, in love—
until it was mine to carry.
 
And maybe—
just maybe—
I’d stop circling the question of leaving,
and start writing a list of places to go,
people to hold,
stories to tell,
reasons to stay.
Ariannah Aug 14
Do you have any idea
How illegal it feels not to be able to cry in your own room?
because being heard is too high of a risk
and instead,
you have to tip toe to the bathroom
careful not to make any of the crying sounds,
Just to get in there
and unconsciously fall on the hard cold ground,
searching for the bit of light
you once saw at the end of the tunnel.


But then you realize
that maybe down there is where you belong,
maybe that's where you were supposed to get to once you felt like all you do is wrong,
and it just feels like the right moment to give up
when there's no more air entering your lungs,
Or no more hope hidden deep into your heart,
when your head can no longer rest on your shoulders,
and it has to fall on the hard wood door,
when the tears streaming down your face are too many than your messy hands and clothes could handle,
and the eyes just hurt too much to be opened by now..


But you have to get up,
You have to calm down,
You have to find a way to make yourself able to breathe normally again,
So you crawl,
And you crawl,
till you reach something that could help you get up,
Only to feel physically hurt by one's actions.


You stare in the mirror,
And question how did we even get here;
You no longer recall or remember any of the things happening outside the room,
When all you have to do is fake smile and move on.
No.
You're just staring at yourself.
And it's just you.
But you right now look more like a monster, a messy unloved piece of art that just reflects how you feel because it's true..
But it's still you.


And it only took you that moment to realize that you had lost...
But not just any game,
you lost the version of yourself you never thought would live again..
And you're empty.
You just feel defeated.
There in the bathroom looking in the mirror.
And it hurts.
It hurts not to be able to look in your eyes,
It hurts even more just when you see you cry.


But you hold on,
And with your trembling hand,
You turn on the water and try to wash your face,
as if the sadness would just come off;
like some messy make up you forgot to whipe off.
So the tears go,
But new ones just reappear,
And the sadness you thought was gone just keeps on hanging near.
And it's close.
And it hits again
with a type of hurt someone only feels when they are too scared to try again.
And it hurts.
It hurts because it's rare.
To still love and not feel like they really care.
Or maybe they do
but you're just too hurt to think
of another 50 ways of how this is not a real thing...


But you're still looking in the mirror,
and you realize you kinda have to go,
because you spent too much time hanging low..
So you whipe all your tears,
and put on a big fake smile,
then crawl back to the door,
But you stop.
you take a big deep breath,
and lift your chin up like you didn't loose yourself in there.


And you open the door.
And try to normally walk into your room
Like your heart isn't shattered into tiny pieces scattered because it just went "boom".
And you get in there,
but you're too afraid to speak
cause even the silence feels too loud when you're just trying to keep,
keep yourself sane
and tell yourself how it's just gonna be ok.


But it's impossible to make yourself think that way
When the only thing you were able to think was just how everything got destroyed in the time of a blink.
Reece Aug 11
I’m not afraid of heights, but of the fall.
I’m not afraid of addiction, but of the withdrawals.
I wish I could stop these circling thoughts,
But they keep on spinning.
I’m not afraid of imperfection, but of failure,
Miserably luring me,
To an askew belief.
If I fail once, was I a failure all along?
Can I do anything right?
Just add it to the tally,
Ever growing.
Another note to my somber song.
I’m not afraid to die, but of saying goodbye.
These thoughts, while dark sometimes,
I’d give everything to think of them one last time.
These fears remind me that I’m alive.
I’m not afraid of people, but of being judged.
Anxiety plunging me,
Into fictitious security.
Perhaps, I’m better off on my own,
All alone.
But you lose the chance to form connections,
To enjoy the people that surround you.
Perhaps, I should stop playing this game,
And admit that I am very much afraid.
Sometimes even the smallest of fears can seem overpowering.
Aishi Aug 10
Dear God,
I don’t come here much and maybe it’s too late.
But I can’t carry this silence anymore.

I obsess over the smallest things
until they grow teeth and tear at my mind.
I should be living, enjoying,
but instead I choose the comfort of hanging by threads,
watching my self-worth burn and calling it home.

I pretend I don’t care what anyone thinks,
but that’s the farthest thing from the truth.
I care so much it hurts
and yet my pride locks my mouth shut.

Please fix me.
Because I don’t know who I’ll be if I’m happy and that terrifies me more than the pain I live in.
Happiness feels wrong in my skin,
like I’m wearing someone else’s life.

I have memories I won’t speak of.
Traumas that claw at my sleep.
People I avoid,
family I can’t face.
Words I wish I could take back.
Things I’ve done to others,
things I’ve done to myself,
and parts of me I am not ready to repair.

I’ll admit I’m lonely,
but I won’t admit I need help.
I am losing hope,
and before I do something I can’t undo
please, God
Teach me to live,
to live for real.
Not just to survive.
Not just to exist.
If You can't teach me how to live, then at least let me forget what it feels like to want more.
mysterie Jul 29
“it should be.”
being afraid --
it’s not a thrilling feeling,
not a rush,
not something
that anyone asks for.
it’s a heavy,
and eerie kind of silence.
not knowing what’s next,
who will speak,
who will leave,
when it ends --
or if it even will.
no one knows.

being afraid
feels like your insides
are twisting
trying to strangle themselves.

not butterflies --
but knots,
tight and mean,
it's your body sounding the alarms
in the only way it knows how.
a sickness that whispers,
“brace yourself,”
for something
that might not
even come.
first one in awhile.
date wrote: 29/7
a poet Jun 19
20
when the rains come
tell them,
tell everyone,
to get an umbrella.
____

it's a field
a beautiful field.
green and green as far as the eyes can see.
It is quiet
and swaying,
and naked.
Wonderfully naked.

I am also naked.
and i can feel it
like worms, digging
within the hollows of my chest.
It is an uneasy feeling.
one that brings my knees to my chest
and binds it all with my arms.
It makes me want to eat myself
and swallow,
swallow till all that remains is teeth.

I am naked
but the grass I sit on is soft
and the sky has a mouth
that he uses to talk of storms.

I am naked
reciting the Psalms of David.
dwelling in the secret place of the Lord
abiding under the shadow of the Almighty.
Nobody May 22
i'm sorry i'm too chicken ****
to confess to you

i'm sorry my anxious ***
can't tell you the truth

there are so many ******* things i cant do

so i'm sorry i'm too chicken ****
to confess to you


so for now i'll just flirt and blush
like a schoolgirl with a lame ******* crush
i'm sorry if i'm too much

and i'll continue to hide
how i actually feel,
too many parts of me
that i must conceal

none of this even feels real

and no matter how much
i hide the truth
i'm sorry i'm too chicken ****
to confess to you
dude i was so ******* close to writing this in italian so only the ppl who have the energy to google translate or sum **** could read it BECUSE THIS IS SO ****** CRINGE RAHHHH NOT EVERYBODY SHOULD BE ABLE TO READ THIS I'M GOING TO SCREAM BUT I NEEDED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST ***** AND ITS SO BAD BUT ITS OK ITS A LEARNING PROCCESS
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