My heart is dead
no, I don’t have one at all
every time I start to feel something
my mind constructs a new wall

No one can break through it
but so many have tried
and the closest voyager
may nearly have died

Poison soaks the bricks
like a rabid dog’s mouth
the uncontrollable leaking
kills many without a sound

If they passes the wall
and do not fall ill in return
the next obstacle will surely
end with them burned

A 10ft wall of flames
threatens those near with claws
reaching closer and closer
and scorching them raw

If those flames were extinguished
for a split second of distraction
they could trek one step closer
to the main attraction

After poison and flames
fail to protect my castle
the final test must work
to prevent total disaster

Cerulean seas splash against wood
and spans across the land like a highway
within the depths of the waters
lie the souls of the wounded that can’t fly away

Bones and shattered hearts
line the base of my security
with a step into the water
the next will be history

And yet only one has
made it to the center
Only one lover
could truly understand the endeavor

But, alas, as expected
she perished as well
A ***** trap triggered suddenly
launched her far out of my hell

So here I sit
Upon my throne
Safe from my feelings
But all alone

From a distance I watch her
Wind whips the long mane around shapely curves
The waterfall in front of her disrupts any sound
made byst me
First the cotton frock falls to the rocks
Followed next by a chemise

Frustrated to no end
I can nay see that succulent flesh
Seconds seem like hours
As the petticoat is removed

Sharp intake of air almost chokes me
The skin is  exquisite
From my stance it seems to glow
Watching as hair is pulled off one shoulder
Such glorious beauty

I must wonder if she knows
Knows? Knows what you may wonder
If she realizes
Can she see it in the eyes of many beholders?

Her body is tantalizing
Curves riveting
Tresses encircling
If I were closer I know those eyes
They would be the most splendid of any in the universe

The mane of blonde hangs past her rounded hips
My body responds intimately to hers
I feel my heart quicken and skip beats
Palms grow moist
Manhood throbs

She turns around startled like a doe at the snap of a twig
Yet she can nay hear or see me
I curse myself over and over
Turn around, don't watch
Yet I can not, no I will not

She steps into the water
Her heart shaped bottom soon becomes covered
I can hear my breath as it comes and goes in short bursts
Watching as the arch lifts her ******* high in the air
Head moves under the water

Oh my God!
She is an enchantress
Must be, No woman has ever affected me so
There is no way I can walk let alone ride my horse
All I can do is just watch enthralled

My mind wanders as I begin to have a conversation with her
"You are most beautiful"
"Your skin of golden peach"
"Hair of spun silk"
"Do you know how magnificent you are?"

"OUCH!" as something takes a bite of my shoulder
"**** horse"
Deep blue pools refocus on the gorgeous creature in the river
Mounds of brown tips stand so perfectly round
Hands reach out cupping, almost feeling the flesh there

Watching from a distance she leaves the water
I wait for her to dress before mounting my steed
His movements are as graceful as hers
He closes the distance 100 ft
50 ft
30ft
10ft basically on top of her

I jump to the ground  
Grasping her shoulders, clothing damp from her bath
Boldly gripping hair and tilting her back
My stern lips capture her pliable soft ones
No fighting from her
Taking the kiss as much as I

Suddenly, our tongues meet
Molten lava fills my staff
It throbs, filled with the rush of blood
I having never had a woman do this to me
Wondering what she is thinking
The kiss intoxicating like the sweetest liqueur

Stopping the kiss before I take her here
My senses having left my brain leaving my body in control
Finally I see her eyes as they open and look deeply into mine
They are heart stopping
The deepest clearest green ever seen

Lips part to say something
Neither of us speak
Lips meet once more and break
A loud noise interrupts the trance

A burly 7ft man
Profanity is all I hear
A nice leather whip snaps in the air
My dream is gone that fast

I wake, to the loud sound of cracking whips
Thundering hooves
Realizing it was all just a dream
She was nay real

Jumping up and mounting my horse
I rejoin the group rounding up mustangs
A sadness consumes my soul
Thinking I had finally found her
My life's mate

Sighs as we pass the waterfall
My dream just out of reach


Written by :  Jennifer Humphrey all rights reserved. Please do not post elsewhere or try to make this your own for it is copyrighted.

Now, I've been down a similar path before, so excuse my hesitation.
I lie awake premeditating the proper adjustments to make, something confusing and eluding.
See, I don't know where this will end up and, to be quite frank it can go anywhere.
Guess that's the beauty I see in you driving me closer to the precipice while my other self starts intruding//
It's hard to find someone worth my time and with such class that it's an ominous affiliation to make.
Your presence stands 10ft tall while the world dwarfs to your aura.
I'll take the climb to penetrate the mind if it meant you'd end up in my framework,
Can't hold you back though. You're deserving of the regal and I'd build you up to my vices but I'm scared you'd end up my Gomorrah//
Can you blame me? It was the answer to the question I asked that made me think of going swayze.
Openness is a hopeless fist being swung and missed if one cannot sustain the whole bliss,
And I'm just not one to go out like that, doll.
I'd rather nip the bud than crash and burn, but I know we're capable of building something that'll test time, knew that from our first soul kiss//
I'll enjoy the ride, let Alex step aside, take the dive, I'll oblige.
Basically, if you're the breath of fresh air I've been looking for then it won't be hard for me to make up my mind.
If not, I understand, timing is everything and for now, I enjoy every second you take of mine.

Four, nearly five years ago, he was 4 years and 11 months my senior. We would stay up most of the night. Together. Then I would wake up and he would be gone. And after a few months it became a normal thing to wake up alone. Undisturbed and a little cold. Make the bed. Put away dishes. Gather my things. Go home. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Until one day he was gone for 8 months. No goodbye. No farewell. Just a break up text and disappointment. I would wake up and he would be gone. But this time he would be thousands of miles away. And all I could think about was water. And where the heck he could possibly be. But not wanting to write, because I didn't want to bother him. But I drank and caved in. I was tired of drowning. It was hot there. Over 100 degrees. He sent pictures and wrote back quickly. He came back. He showed me things he bought from other countries. I smiled again. He showed me more pictures. He got a dog. Fast forward another year. I would wake up and he would be gone. It was a normal thing by now. We had a routine. Make the bed. Put away dishes. Play with the dog. Gather my things. Go home. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Drown. Tell him how I felt. Radio silence. 10ft down. Explain how long I felt that way. No explanation from him. 20ft. No apology. 30ft. Direct questioning on how he felt. Dodged and avoided. 40ft. Go to bed. Wake up. And he's gone again. 50ft. 60ft. And it's cold. I can't feel my toes anymore. And it's getting dark. Play with the dog. 70ft. Make the bed and put away dishes. 80ft. Gather my things. Go home. 90ft. Silence. 100ft. And I'm done. I can no longer breathe. And I can no longer swim. I am sinking. And the pressure of the water is crushing my lungs. For two years I choked on sea water. I lived and I died. I waited. But I didn't cry. At 100ft under the waves tears are pretty pointless. After two years of wanting this thing, this person, I no longer want it. Because it doesn't want me. But I'm still afraid when I wake up. And the bed is empty. And I still panic when someone walks out the door. Because I never know which time will be the last. Or which ocean they're about to cross. And my childlike awe and innocence were thrown overboard and forgotten. It created an obsession for that lifestyle. So I became it. I woke up early. I pushed myself farther than I thought possible. And after years of watching him put his on, I earned my own uniform. And I went back to him. But I felt nothing. I surfaced. I can swim again. I have no feelings. I don't even have ill will anymore. He's only a friend. And there will come a day, quite soon, actually, when he will go home. Halfway across the country. And he won't be back. And I won't see him again. Ever. And that's ok. Because people leave. And sometimes they don't come back. And you're cold and a little disturbed. But you make the bed. Gather your things. And leave. Now the one who has panic attacks, the light sleeper, the one who holds a pillow at night to take the place of a body, and the one who begs you not to go, becomes the one who can't be tied down. She leaves. She drifts. Floating on the waves alone in peace and absolute terror. But not love. Not hate. Because she lost all feeling about 100ft down.

The best part is, 5 years later you're begging for me to enter your life again. Once or twice a week, you're inviting me out with you and your friends. You're asking me what I've been up to, where have I been and why haven't I seen you lately. But I'm here. I have always been here. You were the one who left. Every morning. Your time has passed. I was young and dumb. Which is why you probably never cared much. Understandable. I grew up. And now you see my worth. But so do I. And I will never allow myself to be disrespected like that again. Lesson learned. Now it's your turn to wake up alone. Make your bed. Put away your dishes. Gather your things and go home.

I lived once but I was never awake

she use to feel my heart until it went in flames


You could hear the sounds of weeping in the dark

Teardrops fall like rain in the park


Hear my cires, only such words would tell

how one day when my heart had failed


She thinks I'm gone but I'm really not

I'm under her feet, 10ft  below at this plot


She cries for me, praying that I will listen

only the sounds of faint winds and leaves kissing

I'm happy, I swear,
pretend to care,
Because I do,
It's what I pursue.

Life is ******, it's true,
But still it's life I pursue.
Wanting to start anew,
But you can't stop boiling a brew.

Twist my mind,
Make me kind,
Make me mean.
Let me go lean.

Treating life like a show,
Mind buried under 10ft of snow.
Because I'm expected to entertain,
Even when pain i retrain.

I'm happy I swear,
Life is never fair,
Can be drab without flair,
Will bore until you pair.

And we are alone now,
With really nothing to say,
Cause things just aren't the same,
And I really don't like it this way.
You're sitting 10ft away and I can't help but to look at you,
But I guess we can pretend things are okay.
And I guess we can pretend that this is just fate,
Pretending we hate when its really just love,
But I dont know what love is,
And I guess it only makes sense that I pretend that I do.
Me and you all we are is past tense,
All we were is back then when things were a little better then what they are now,
A little better then what they were before we ever happened,
But everyday we both get a little better at ignoring each other,
We just get a little better at Pretending we dont care,
I guess we are experts at that now. At the end of the day,
All that I will tell my friends is that today was perfect.
Even if I'm just rotting inside. Sleep,

i drown myself in shallow streams my known noncompliance in the only reason i scream

i hang myself from 4ft high i only flail because i know i won't die

i cut only a half inch deep i only cry because i know my life i'll keep

i throw myself off a 10ft post and i do it again and again because i know that broken bones will be the most

In the face of death my body pleads but my mind it screams because it knows death is the one thing i need

Trickled into my latest writing
venomous, your face
it is uninvited
black silhouette against wall
my hands dry, small
this room has been cleaned
I shift my feet
darting my eyes every other way
lips soft, you fidget your hands
my laughter echoes, mask me, mask me
nerves buzz, with you beside me
refuse to invite, disappear
please disappear
temptation drawing you near
dreams haunted, I cannot sleep
you must stay away,
at least 10ft.
-e.s.

Depression for me happens slowly,
And for some reason,
Has never quite felt like drowning.

More like a rut that turns into a hole that I've slowly dug myself into.

And then I hit rock bottom and look up to see where I am..
And in those moments, I become utterly shocked at what I've done. Then it gets worse when I tell myself "there's no way out."

"Oh how tall the grave."

It feels like an overwhelmingly empty pit that I'm stuck in.

So far down, so far away..

But I can see the sky, turning from night to day, night to day.

"I'm wasting time." I say.

I also see the light though,
The light at the end of my upwards tunnel and somehow I always get out because it leads the way.

Yet I dig another.
And another..

It is exhausting.
To be so unwillingly, accidentally, repetitive.

I wonder if there will ever be a day when I'm further than 10ft under but will get so tired that I can't fight it anymore and maybe someone will look in to see a skeleton, and bury me
Once and for all.