You were my first kiss
It’s true
No way around it
But when you kissed me
I felt nothing
Except disappointment
I thought your first kiss
Was supposed to be
Life changing
The best
It just
Felt wrong
Out of place
And almost forced
You kissed me
I didn’t kiss you
You wanted me
I tolerated you
But when he kissed me
My stomach did a flip
There were fireworks
Going off in my mind
He took my breath away
You just took my first kiss
I said I loved you
You said you loved me
I knew it wasn’t true
They were just words
But when he touches my face
And pulls away from my lips
To whisper to me his love
My whole body smiles
Yes you were my first kiss
But he is my first love

The two choices
One passionate and overwhelming
Bright as the sun
Like a shining star in the dark of night
Nothing but a blinding light
Fast and furious
Everything all at once
So much love and so much beauty
All a force so strong I can barely say no
The other
A peace so calming
A place in your arms that I call home
A safety that I’ve never felt
A peace and a serenity
A place I can breath
A certainty to things and a lack of fear
Now to decide which I want
And which I need
The two choices
Laying before me
I look in both your eyes
So filled with love
Both in love with me
And unsure of who to pick
I’m drawn of course to one
But my brain is telling me
To stay where it’s safe
But my heart yearns after more
Unsure of what to do
And unsure of where to go
I stay standing
Staring at both choices
Incapable of making a decision

you doubt yourself
you grip the wheel
you turn it up
you scream, you squeal
you grit your teeth
you bang your head
you stop and park
you’re filled with dread
you gas it up
you hang up the phone
you take your time
to get back home
you yell at God
you apologize
you try to see
truth verses lies
you call your friend
you are alive
you pick her up
and make her drive
the lake is calm
but you are not
you try to breathe
it’s all you’ve got

a lot of ****
has me ****** up
rn but

steadily I'm
getting through
this

I haven't felt this way in awhile
I haven't had any words left in my heart
Each time I sat to write
My soul was vacant
And nothing felt right
Now after all this time
I sit with my laptop on hand
And my words are there
And it feels pure
My lungs finally fill with the air
They have craved for so long
It's been such a dark and lonely road
But with you back in my life
The paradox that somehow
Makes everything feel right
You, the one I thought was gone
You, the one who I tried to forget
You, the one who I did wrong
Giving me a second chance
After all this time
You are the strangest paradox I know
Yet at the end of the day
I can't help but to say
I love you

it's been raining a lot
i think it changes my mood
or maybe that's the new season
or maybe it's just me
but
sometimes i feel like
i'm living without living
would it really, truly matter
if i quit everything

it's just
sometimes i have this lonely feeling
sitting on my chest
and it empties me out
and it won't go away