I am the one
who stayed awake
to listen to your problems,
I lost sleep for your affection,
for you to feel like
you had someone.
I wrapped your loneliness
around my
 arms,
whilst you injected your pain
in my bones,
but when things got better,
you decided to make your own world

numbness is a mysterious tyrant
because it’s hard to fix something
you don’t understand,
and it’s hard to paint the sky
when black clouds silently swallow the stars

and it’s hard to speak
when my thoughts can’t survive
the trek through my anxious lungs,
and it’s hard to be heard
when my words can only shake the air
around your jaw

and i’d be shocked that the quake of my voice
didn't shatter your bones like glass,
if that didn't suggest
i could feel anything at all

and i’d be shocked that the things i said
didn't crush you where you stand
if i didn't already know
that my words will bear more weight
when i'm dust


jjs

You were in a tail-spin, (You remember?)
Of course you do, endlessly falling,
Churning dark clouds for company,
Every silver-lining has a cloud.

So I reached right in, (you were so blind.)
Placed your trembling hand on the controls,
Although, you did not trust me, (did you?)
Not at first, although with good cause,
Because you were dizzy, disorientated.

But slowly, ever so slowly, we relaxed,
Pulled you out of the dive, up and away,
Banking, climbing, power ramping up,
Juddering through the stutter-stall,
Until we were purring, a throaty growl.

A big cat in a poorly constructed cage,
Bursting free, guided by rainbows,
Flickering smile insinuating itself upon your face,
(So lovely) on your beautiful lips.

Without really noticing, (smooth as silk)
We coasted along in open skies,
Rah, French kissing the gentle swell of the sea,
Transforming everything into a mirror,
Reflections captured in burnished bronze,
Can I release your hand now? (don’t gasp)
Yes, my love, you are flying again.

© Paul Chafer 2014

poetry readings have to be some of the saddest
****** things ever,
the gathering of the clansmen and clanladies,
week after week, month after month, year
after year,
getting old together,
reading on to tiny gatherings,
still hoping their genius will be
discovered,
making tapes together, discs together,
sweating for applause
they read basically to and for
each other,
they can't find a New York publisher
or one
within miles,
but they read on and on
in the poetry holes of America,
never daunted,
never considering the possibility that
their talent might be
thin, almost invisible,
they read on and on
before their mothers, their sisters, their husbands,
their wives, their friends, the other poets
and the handful of idiots who have wandered
in
from nowhere.
I am ashamed for them,
I am ashamed that they have to bolster each other,
I am ashamed for their lisping egos,
their lack of guts.
if these are our creators,
please, please give me something else:
a drunken plumber at a bowling alley,
a prelim boy in a four rounder,
a **** guiding his horse through along the
rail,
a bartender on last call,
a waitress pouring me a coffee,
a drunk sleeping in a deserted doorway,
a dog munching a dry bone,
an elephant's **** in a circus tent,
a 6 p.m. freeway crush,
the mailman telling a ***** joke
anything
anything
but
these.

the women of the past keep
phoning.
there was another yesterday
arrived from out of
state.
she wanted to see
me.
I told her
"no."

I don't want to see
them,
I won't see them.
it would be
awkward
gruesome and
useless.

I know some people who can
watch the same movie
more than
once.

not me.
once I know the
plot
once I know the
ending
whether it's happy or
unhappy or
just plain
dumb,
then

for me
that movie is
finished
forever
and that's why
I refuse
to let
any of my
old movies play
over and over again
for
years.

In order to truly enjoy the company of someone else, We must learn to enjoy our own company. Before, we can truly love anyone else, We must learn to truly love ourselves. Two halves in a relationship or friendship, does not make it whole: it takes two whole people to make a whole friendship or relationship. Stop, Looking for someone else to make you whole or even complete you, and look to God for He's the only one who can. Learn to be the kind of friend that, you would like to have. Sow good seeds like: Compassion, Understanding, Love-Without- Conditions, Trust, Respect, Kindness, Peace, Hope, Tenderness, Truth, Honesty, Forgiveness, Help-Just-Because, Joy, Long-suffering, Grace, Mercy, and Laughter: and watch as the seeds are watered with grace and with love. They, will produce after their own kind. Long-Story- Short,  Whatever, kind of seeds that you sow... Be they good or bad, those are the ones or kind that, You are going to reap; so why-not, sow good seeds and reap that-which is good. Yeah! You Reap What You Sow!!