you can replace him with hobbies, other people, with things, things that you need and things that you don't.

but you don't need him.

It's two hours away from seeing you
and I'm nervous.

I'm nervous because,
it will be the last chance I'll be with you.

I'm nervous because,
it will be the last chance that I'll feel your arms around me.

I'm nervous because,
i know that later will be our last kiss.

There are some places that can't be touched and there are some places that can't be kissed and there are some places that need to be kissed and some of those places haven't been discovered. I'm a handbook. *** is like drivers ed. Am I crying, or shaking from pleasure? *****. Sometimes hands are there that aren't really. Sometimes fare fine linen fingers feel like brown bony paws that don't listen to "let go".
**** me. Even when my eyes get glossy and you're wondering if I'm still there. I'm there. Grab me. *** isn't always this way.

Sometimes I'm in charge, but it isn't freaky. Don't call me a freak, call me lovely. I can **** **** ****, but don't whisper that it's *****; it isn't "*****". Sweating and running make-up. Heavy breathing. Wheres my body, wheres my mind? Don't call it nasty. It's not "nasty". Grabbing, groping, grinding; it isn't lewd. Don't call me a ****.
Touch me and remind me that I'm pleasing. Touch me and remind me that there's only me. Touch me and enjoy it. Enjoy me.
I want the lights on. I want the lights off. I want you you you.

*** isn't always this way; sometimes I'm in charge.

you are like an old book
one of my favorites
every once in a while, I need your comfort
I need to feel your creases
smell your smell
hear your words
but it always ends the same
and I know that

Dear lover
I regret to inform you that I cannot refer to you as my lover any longer.
Not for lack of wanting, but for lack of love
See, two people can be together without love
Two people start out without love and may progress into it
But that was never going to be the case for us.
I cannot refer to you as my lover because we are not lovers;
We may have *** but we do not make love
Because to make love you need to have love
Have the intention for love.
Love making makes love and love allows for love making.
Dear lover
I've realised now that you were never going to love me.
It was never in your intentions to love me
Nor to make love to me;
I can't even remember an instance when you called me lover.
Perhaps the name was implanted within me because I had the intention of love
I was ready for your love and love making
But you didn't want to write me any letters.
Dear lover
I regret to inform you that your lack of letters has meant I was unaware of your lack of intentions
And I fear I may have fallen
And might want to call you my lover forever
Signed, a lover of non existent letters.

I am so tired of feeling so empty and with no home.
I've had so much given to me yet I can't but help to feel empty.
My family has always been there for me yet as I sit with them I feel so alone.
I don't connect with anyone ever.  
As I have become older the realization of how lonely existence truly is has just magnified.
I was a fool in thinking I would one day fill this void inside me with a friend or love interest.
I once knew Allah and felt such completeness.
When will I return?
Maybe once this day comes to pass I will feel whole.
My home might just not be in this Dunya.