I know and feel nothing.
No pain of the body,  or guilt of the Mind.  Not the sacrifices ripped from my fingers, nor the responsibilities wrapped around my neck .
Though I'm surrounded by nothing but darkness and silence, there is no fear. Only silent acceptance.
I know not where I am or how long I have been there.  I don't know if I'm missing someone or if someone's  missing me.
I am darkness.
I am the unassuming silence.
      After some time, how long I know not,
I feel...tingles.
First in my toes..
Then my legs, hips, stomach, face.
A soothing wave of white noise spreading through and around me.
My body has returned to me.
I muster the strength to open my eyes, again met with the same darkness that I have taken solace in.
I sit up just as a dim light appears from everywhere and nowhere.
Illuminating my surroundings.
Walls... Steel walls.
I'm in a room it seems, a very large room at that.
Comforting, protecting...
Holding me in its silent chambers.
A cool, soft breeze rubs against my skin, tickling the hairs.
I hear footsteps in the distance.
Something-  
Someone-   is approaching.
A shadow just out of reach, stops and regards me.
With its voice on the wind, it whispers
“ You have passed your trials and have won your battles. Your gift awaits you.”
The shadow turned and walked back into the darkness.
Leaving me to ponder at its message.
As I sit and stare out into dark  I feel something, soft and strange.
Grass...
Grass under my fingers, growing from the floor. Soft and cool under my touch.
The room is changing before my eyes.
I look up to see a sky of stars and clouds. And around me, a field of the greenest grass.
The moonlight dimming every so often as the clouds pass by.
The wind, stronger now in its caress, whistles sweetly through the grass.
I lay back to the ground as chimes play soothingly around me.
As my body sinks into the earth I think, Such sweet silence  that has been bestowed upon me.

I was thrown in the ocean,
beneath moon, and dark skies.
Cold water engulfed me.
Salt burned in my eyes.

I remember the beating;
Body broken- and numb.
I remember the panic,  
I remember the gun...

I was thrown in the ocean.
Lungs burned in my chest
light played on the surface
body claimed by the depths.

I am frightened
Of bumps that sound in the night
I am frightened
Of fighting my next fight
I am frightened
Of giving my own space to share
I am frightened
That one day no one will be there
I am frightened
When phone rings its vice like tune
I am frightened
When my turn has come too soon
I am frightened
Of swaying at dizzying heights  
I am frightened
Of telling my parents goodnight
I am frightened
Of what I'd do for another's embrace
I am frightened
Of sharing someone else's  space
I am frightened
Of things that may never come true
I am frightened
Of the possibility that they do
I am frightened
Of thoughts that are carved in my skin
I am frightened
Of truths that ring through them
I am frightened
Of hate that I swim like the sea
I am frightened
For it's aimed not at you,  but me
I am frightened
That one day I may conquer that hate
I am frightened
That "one day"  may be too late
I am frightened.....

               I am frightened.

-I met him on a traveled road
This old man with knotted beard
His shoes were worn and filled with holes
I saw this as I neared
- He sat in dirt and twiddle thumbs
As he grunted somber tunes
The sound,  as if stones filled his lungs
This man who sang at noon
- As I approached,  choked humming stopped
My heart began to wilt
He raised his head with leveled stare
Of eyes that swam with milk
- My feet,  once sure,  had skipped a beat
As he offered out his palm
And in it lay a crumpled note
Words,  by crippled hands were drawn
- As I took this offered gift of his
He gave out a struggled choke
He hit the ground with widened eyes
By God,  the man had croaked
- And even now,  10 years have passed
I have that note of his
The heavy words of dying man
That simply said, "I lived."

-At times I think I am truly unwell
For deep in my mind,  a playground of hell.
Where coworkers,  friends,  and strangers do hide.
Where anguish runs deep and blood falls from skies.

-In one room are blades to carve meat off of bone.
In another hot brands to show you are owned.
But you,  my dear friend I  can say with great pleasure
Are truly a prize, a new treat altogether.  

-I'd start with a frame,  to strap you with glee
Make sure bonds are tight,  wouldn't want you to flee.
Carve my hate in your skin,  your blood running wet.
Frame shaking with sobs,  don't pass out on me yet.

- I'd pull out your nails,  and rip out your teeth
I'd claw out your eyes to bone underneath.  
I'll shiver and grin,  as your screaming dies out.
Cries drown in your throat as blood pours from your mouth

-I'd sleep soundly that night,  picking blood from my nails.  
Fall asleep to the sound of your bellowing wails.  
But alas,  only wishes that form in my head
Though it brightens my day to wish you were dead.

Mirror mirror on the wall
What is it that you see?
Say not but truth,  I need to know
What others think of me

Do they see my greying hair?
Crows feet about my eyes?
I'm asking you,  my hated friend
For mirror never lie

Perhaps they see a pitied soul
That life had rendered worn
Or do they see my lying grin
And eyes that spill with scorn?