the problem
with buying clothes
these days
is not knowing
if anything
will fit
properly
or even
suit you
until it arrives

instead
rather than
just return items
that i decide
i don't want
i hunt for
a loose thread
and pick at it;
first
with finger and nail
when that is not enough
next comes
a gnashing of teeth
and
if needs be
i am not above
brandishing scissor
or knife
to split the seam
gaping
wide
before complaining
that the item
is faulty

i am never proud
of myself
when i do it
there would be
no difficulty
in returning it
as unwanted
but
this way
i don't end up
paying postage
twice

Could you turn my pain
into love again
Could you touch my skin
like a drop of rain

Please, don't treat me
like an unknown person
Please, let me be happy
in your prison

Could you hear me, please?
Would you answer me, please

Do you still enjoy the sunset
as we did before
Do you remember me there yet
or not anymore

No, I can't deal
with my emotion
No, I won't stop my eyes
to be an ocean

Would you relive my memories
Could you fix my broken heart, please

Do you miss me
as I miss you in the moonlight
Do you cry for me
as I do for you every night

I can't live
with this pain of separation
Day after day
I'm falling into the omission

Could you feel me, please?
Will you come back to me, please?

Let me draw my dreams
in your brown eyes
Let my soul smile always
on your happy face!

Let my mind be colored
in your colors
Let my empath heart sink
for your tears!

Let me follow your shadow
in the morning ray
Let me pray for you, baby
every new day.

I let the moon go away
when you smile at me
I forget my raceway
when you're onto me.

Darling, keep smiling
as you always do;
You know the answer as well
when I do love you!

You tell me the higher you go up my thigh, the warmer it gets
That's because you are reaching closer and closer to home
Your resting place
And when you eventually enter, our souls will become one.

I’m addicted to the feel of cold metal sliding across bare flesh
Addicted to the instant
when nothing marks smooth skin
immediately before
red rivers rapidly rise
painting a once white canvas
with a flood of emotion,
tears on my cheeks,
sobs caught in my throat,
numbness replaced by pain & sadness.
Addicted to the imperfection
of red welts and dotted scabs that follow,
fingers drawn like magnets
to the texture of healing skin,
tracing over and over and over now fading ridges
Amazed that I am strong enough
to heal myself over and over and over.
Convincing myself that I am strong enough.
I find strength in my weakness.

If I stayed,
Would it be the same
As when I ran?
If I gave up,
Where would I be?
If I love,
Will it last?

I feel numb,
Everytime I doubt myself.

But what's the use of all these
Questions?
I don't know the answer.
But
what if?!