If I had a dime for every time I looked at you and thought to myself,
"Wow, she's just the most beautiful person I've seen", I'd be able to buy 10 houses by now.

It's not just your beauty, it's your duty.

It's how you handle what needs to be done.

It's the drop of your wrist when you walk around talking to yourself about what to do next.

It's about how your  eyes twinkle when you wear your heart on your sleeve and never regret it.

It's the little things.

It's also the little things that brought you to tears.

That brought you to regret the years, we spent.

Because I wasn't making it as evident

That you are important.

Those little things can add up to just as much as all the dimes that would buy me 10 houses by now.

Those little things can lead to the greatest and the most saddest moments.

For every little thing that makes you smile, I make note.

I make sure I try my hardest to retain the memory before it runs out in my brain.

But I could do way better to do even the littlest things that make the biggest impacts that brightens up your face.

Those little things I want to be intentional with.

No matter how many houses I can buy, no matter how many times I look at you and think to myself, "Wow, she's just the most beautiful person I've seen".

It will never amount the little things that make a big impact.

I will always cherish the lessons in learning what little things can go so far as to make you frown or pout.

I'll make sure its the little things that you smile about.

I can't control every little thing that goes sour

I have set intentions on being as fragile as your favorite flower.

Because it's the little petals that make the flower bloom as beautiful as you so I can buy as many houses as I'd like.

Do you know what it feels like?
To feel completely alone.

To have no one to talk to?
But yourself.

That no one cares to check up on you?
Unless they need something.

That no one wants to hang out with you?
Because their first options bail.

Do you know what it feels like?
To long for a companionship.

To feel like you're not interesting enough?
Because people lack consistency.

To reach out to people to be sociable?
But you get little to no response.

To watch other people in close friendships?
And only see what it could be like to have them on tv shows.

To stay at home and use your time trying to create?
But your heart feels heavy.

To encounter cool people then exchange connections?
And be ignored or flaked on.

To only wish that you'd meet the person who'd make it worth the wait.

Hang in there.

I feel this pain.

Can you feel  mine?

I hate getting drunk, because I think of you.

I hate getting sad, because it started with you.

I hate thinking of you, because I cant stop thinking of you.

I hate shedding tears, because Im sad for you.

I hate when my mind drives, because it races towards you

I hate when people ask if Im ok, because I know the answer is because of you

I'll never love again, because I'll never love anyone but you

I hate smoking green, because it would remind me while I drift

I hate sitting still with my thoughts, because theres too many of you

With this liqour, green or sadness it'll all surround you.

You would swear you were the greatest thing to this world

But only because I made you that way.

I love getting drunk, because I think of you

I love getting sad, because it started with you.

I love thinking of you, because I can't stop thinking of you.

I love shedding tears, because I'm sad for you.

I love when my mind drives, because it races towards you

I love when people ask if im ok, because I know the answer is because of you

I'll never love again, because I'll never love anyone but you.

While you go on living your life as if nothing affected you, I'm affected the most.

While you pretend your feelings didn't hit you in the face, my face is numb from the hit.

While you narrow down your choices in who matters to you, I'm the one that didn't.

While you go out with your friends and laugh like nothing phases you, its hard over here for me to even crack a smile.

When you thought being distant would make things go away, I stayed close to try to walk beside you.

While you're out smoking and drinking and trying to push away thoughts, I'm sober with the reality of your absence.

While you're out telling yourself that its not that serious to you, my stern look towards us is never hidden.

While you're out filming, taking pictures, or even listening to music; I'm out shooting, capturing, and listening to familiar pains.

While you're doing your thing like its easy, its hard out here for me.

While you're used to it being easy to let things go, I hold onto what I still can't get over.

My depth of emotions runs so deep that my tear ducts dont need a cue to fill up.

You can only be affected by those who have touched you in ways you never experienced.

That's why its so hard to be okay with it all.

Maybe I loved a little too hard.

A little too much.

A little too annoying.

A little too passive aggressively.

A little too bad.

A little too good.

A little too sudden.

A little too selflessly.

A little too ******.

A little too much depth.

A little too much passion.

A little too much.

Maybe I loved a little too much.