Do you see those shattered bricks on the ground?
The ones you kick every time you pass by?
That broken mess that you joke about with your friends?

That was my safe place.
Those ***** bricks were once much more.
They made up the walls around my heart.
A sanctuary.
Beautiful and gold.
They kept me safe from the harm that you bestowed upon me.
Thunder, storm, a hurricane,
Nothing was capable of breaking it down.
It saved me from fire and from ice.
It helped me live, survive.

It could not be broken from the outside.
But you knew a way in.
You fooled that shy little girl into believing that you were the one.
Her naive nature let you inside, with hopes
That you would bring flowers into that lonely sanctuary,
And fill it with Love.

You desired none of that.
You pulled her into the darkness
Where no moon and stars could reach her.
She was alone with a monster that she let inside herself.
And there, the deed was done.
Before she knew it, you were gone.
Leaving her empty and even more alone.

The walls fell slowly.
Breaking everything in their sight.
Leaving no mercy.
Taking down her heart too.
Leaving it like a rotten fruit.
Dark and *****.
With scratches and bruises.
Completely demolished.

Years went by.
She had all the time in the world to rebuild her safe zone.
But no strength was left.
Her will was gone.
Her power vanished.
So she waited.
For someone to come and help her recover from the pain and trauma.
But no one wants a broken doll.
A misused, beaten, little doll.

Alone she lived while years went by.
Without you, or them, or anyone, by her side.
Her tears dried up.
Her peachy fresh body turned to sharp edgy bones.
She no longer believed in Love.
And no longer cared about Life.
She just waited for it to all pass by.

And so it did.
Her only joy now is seeing her own ribs.
She doesn't let her cuts fade away.
She talks to no one-
Makes them all stay out of her way.

She is dying.
A slow painful death.
Look what you did to her.

Look what you did to me.





I am dying.




You are killing me.



-FreeMind

i don't deserve nice things
don't tell me
i am enough
i know
you're lying

When *** said
I hate myself
But
It won't show
I felt that

I remember the first time
I wrote my suicide note
I never tried
Again
After the day I wrote it

I read it back to myself
Aloud
And all I could feel
Was the urge
To my make mother
My wife
My father
All of them
Proud
Again

I didn't leave one
The first time I tried
In fact
I was too far gone
To know
How to write
My own name

And now I look at these hands
The ones that wrote
That note for me
I had intended
To leave behind

These hands
So scarred
Like the rose
That grew from concrete
With its scratched
And hardened petals

And I wonder
How I ever brought myself
To make them
Grip that cold
Gun metal

They didn't deserve that
These hands
That were here with me
Through everything
All the rain
All the pain
All the grips
All the strain
I feel the shame
I feel a change

And now
I'm learning
To love myself
For the first time
I found strength
I found hope
Within these rhymes

I don't know
If I can ever bring myself
To truly believe in God
Wholeheartedly
Without a single thought
Of doubt
Lord knows
I want to believe
But I've always had my doubts

But
Every day
That I'm awake
I still thank
Him/Her/It/Them
That I'm alive
And I made it out

And
Even though
I still hate myself
It won't show
I remember the first time
I wrote my suicide note
It goes

"I'm sorry.
Please don't blame yourself.
I did this.
I promise I will always love you.
I just could never
Love myself, too."

These hands
Didn't deserve
To have to write
Those words

Neither do yours