LET ME DROWN IN
MY OWN SORROW
YOU DO NOT LOVE ME
THE WAY I LOVE YOU
AND IT KILLS ME
AND I'D RATHER
DROWN
IN MY SORROW
THEN BE KILLED
BY THE ONE
I LOVE SO VERY MUCH

run your hand across my back
it feels rough I know
I've lived longer in my mind
than can be measured in years
still my body takes a toll

I try to smile when I see you at the end of the hall
but moving those neglected muscles
makes me shiver round my bones

take me down to that river near the cemetery
throw pebbles at my heart
and laugh with those sadistic eyes
how beautiful they are
I could never forget...

when I inevitably give in
reach back for your hand
and wrap your fingers in mine
you must know
I'm accepting flowers from the devil
baby

the devil never lets go of his hold

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

you are cute no matter what you are
(even angry)
I like it when I can see your emotions
in the open air
and feel the energy
waves of you

(I) have a strong desire and longing for something
I feel empty and hollow
I (do) a thorough examination of my physical state
but I am (not) hungry or thirsty and I slept well the night before
still, I am craving something vital to my survival
I can (feel) a gnawing in my gut
Suddenly, as I close my eyes in a momentary whim
I see a (wo)nderful face shining
peering into me with bright eyes and skin
whispering my name with guita(r) strummed syllables
and I know what it is  I am craving:
I want someone who will call me at 11:00 PM
and talk with me for hours
our voices passing (th)rough a sacred space
untouched and unseen
by an(y)one except us
I want those eyes...

I lie awake at 3:00 AM.
During the day,
I had to force myself to keep moving
so that I wouldn't fall asleep
but now the night has brought my mind to life
and I am struck with thoughts
behind my eyelids
that emulate the black shadows
caressing my closet

you make me want
to smash my head
through the mirror

i cannot fathom
the (i'd)ea
of you (go)ing away
and leav(in)g
me here,
i(s)olated ,
unable to st(an)d
by mys(e)lf.i cannot fathom
the (i'd)ea
of you (go)ing away
and leav(in)g
me here,
i(s)olated ,
unable to st(an)d
by mys(e)lf.

n.d.