You're not afraid of love,
You're afraid of heartbreak

You're afraid of being so high and then being brought so low...
Afraid of the idea that everything that goes up has to come back down, the nature of gravity doesnt allow otherwise...


But My Love,
In case you didn't already know,
Love defies nature...
                                          
                              - F.V.

Depression is like an ocean of demons, you have to learn to swim or they will catch you.
it's a battle against your own mind, no matter how hard you try they will come back to haunt you.
It's sleepless nights, tiresome day. Feeling numb, emotions go wild, but you always paint on a smile.
It's pretending everything is ok when really you're trapped in a hell you wish you could escape.

Depression is a cut so deep, you cover it up because you don't want people to see. Everytime you look at it you feel ashamed and weak.
Depression is being in a room full of people and still feeling so alone. It's feeling frustrated with yourself because you wish that for just one second your brain could switch off, it's wishing you could feel true happiness but it's been so long you don't even know what tru happiness is anymore.
What is depression?  it's an ocean of demons, if you don't swim you'll drown.

You must begin early
while it is cool and your head clear
discernment, a sharpened tine
probing the rocky darkness
for all things latent and destructive.

Be aware that the velvet sage
of the leaves belies their power
to take over every space, remember
roots burrow deep, anchoring in
fissures we don’t even know exist.

You must delve as close
to the origin as possible
or the **** you think eradicated
will bide its time, germinating
in the still secret ground

waiting for light
to penetrate the moist earth
waking the sprout
who voraciously pushes up and out
a curled blemish

in your otherwise carefully tended garden.

As the raindrops hit my skin...
The feeling of tears fall within....

As I look through the pouring rain.....
I hide the feelings of all my pain.....

The darkened clouds drift in the night.....
Reminds me of love with fear and freight....

As the rain stops and my skin dries....
Feelings of lonelyness begin to die.....

The clouds have now cleared.....
I shed those feelings of love and fear...

Now that the rain has passed....
Along with my criticism of my past...

The light now gets closer within my grasp....
I look to the future for the life I ask....

You're so greedy
They said
Pick a side
They said
You're such a ****
They said
Their words like knives
My blood spilling freely like insults from their mouths
I can't choose
I'll never choose
To choose would be to lose half of myself
All I want is to love freely
How can you hate my for that?
How can you cut me with your words and expect me to heal?
Nothing is wrong with me
Nothing is wrong with me except the deep cuts your words leave on my heart
I can't stop the bleeding;
The only way to stop it is to choose a side, but that would leave an even deeper scar
But
those knives were not aimed for me
No
they were aimed for the word above my head
What I call myself
My own label
Bisexual
I'm just the person below the word
My body taking the hits
Bruised and bleeding tears of frustration and sadness
The knives will not stop
Make them stop
Before my blood runs drier than the sand in the hourglass that is the only one that knows how much longer I can take the pain
Make them stop,
before it's too late

People may tell you to not cry...
I won't because I know the difference.
They think they know when in fact they lie...
I say bury yourself in the deepest of detriments.

They may say that a new day will come...
They only spout what they can't comprehend.
They forget that you are ailing from a broken heart and that you're not dumb.
There's only you in your space, alone you stand...

Textbook responses are all they can offer...
They know not that it'll only make things worse...
There can be no replies so nice and proper.
To rid you of your life, your plight, your curse.

They may even share personal events that they think familiar.
Thinking what worked for them may work for you.
But no two situations are the same, albeit looking quite similar.
At the end of the day, you only owe it to yourself to pull yourself through.

I say feed your pain, grieve hard if you must
Wallow... Dwell... Drown yourself everyday.
Let your blood sear your insides, beneath your crumbling crust.
Let the world around you descend into destruction and decay.

What made me the expert...
To say these horrid, putrid things.
Because I am you and we both lay in the dirt.
Driven mad by the persistent echoes of our own misgivings.

I'm no expert... I am just a broken man.
Telling you to let yourself be caught in your own sad and angry song.
Be weak... Be as weak as you possibly can...
So you could rise from the ashes and emerge hale and strong.