It's been a while now since,
Whatever we are whenever we are together,
Disappeared, again.
There are no side things this time.
No plan B.
My life is a lot more empty, yes,
indeed.

It's not that complicated,
though my cursed mind must make it so,
It's easy now, being numb, being blank,
Like exhaling after a long deep breath,
at some point it feels like you are drowning underneath
a dry vacuum and still you keep releasing,
'till you don't feel anything
at all.
Tabula Rasa,
baby boo dearest,
how slowly you made me fall.
To a blank slate,
Rising up upon my former fate,
like a black curtain call.
Blissful. No.
Comfortable like,
going back into the womb,
surrounded, worriless,
in a fetal state.
Thank you for everything,
I said.
Not replying,
Was simply your colored place.

ive dodged bullets bigger than my head
fired by guns in the hands of the lost & lonely
by all rights i should surely be splattered, dead
the gray matter lodging in my skull is my one & only
my neuro-circuits are a circus blaring classic jazz
emanating from my ears and causing a regular razzmatazz

my heart, i know it beats only for a limited time
like an infomercial, superficial in the way it teases me
but my head, it knows the differences between reason & rhyme
money equals madness and the line between land & sea
at the same time, i feel it disintegrating as it sits worriless
and I ask myself, "could you really care less?"

but when the day comes when my heart & head agree
i know it will be near the end and i'm okay with that
no longer will i scurry like a hungry squirrel, endlessly
i will not walk around with the curiosity of a newborn cat
looking for my head, examining this hypothetical ****** mystery
for it won't be dead like my heart will claim it to be

Given,
These words won’t come out right,
Might not make you smile,
Cry,
Or any of that emotional crap,
They might spill all onto your shirt,
Might leave a bad smell behind,
Might go unheard,
Might just be crumbled,
Ripped,
Sent flying into outer space.
Given,
The truth usually hurts more,
But I could never lie to you,
Give you any false hope,
Little lies to keep you warm at night,
To send you worriless on your way,
I’ve always hoped I wouldn’t feel this way,
Or feel at all,
More for your well-being than my own,
If you find these words harmless I’ll be surprised,
Nothing is more dangerous than the knowledge that there is someone out there that will always love you,
No matter your faults,
Flaws,
Past,
Imperfect perfection,
Hurtful words,
Scarred eyes,
Someone so in love with you they can never get there words out right.
Given,
Actions are more infinite than words.

It's raining. Drizzling softly. Tiny droplets are washing through me, washing wrong and pain away.
Quiet soul. Peaceful. Restlessness no more.
It's time to start over.
"Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow it's light"
Pursue your wildest dreams and never look back but to smile at an old memory.
Stop worrying over the past or the future. One is way behind you, and the other one is yet to come.
Live like there's no tomorrow.
Laugh. Cry.
Fill your lungs with pure air. Oxygen.
Power.
Let the pouring rain run hurriedly past you and sink into the earthy ground.
You are soaked and happy and free.
You scream at the top of your voice.
You sing and dance and fall to the mud.
Worriless. Blissful.
*Thrilled to be alive.

Turquoise toes
carefree as a feather
a drop of sweat
in humid weather.
splash!
Freezing grape tongue
worriless days
summer fun.