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ali Jun 2014
I quite like
sitting cross legged
barefoot
in the passenger seat
of my mom's Honda.
When the air is humid and warm,
summer is rising out of the darkness that
encompassed me this winter,
and I was so distracted
I missed spring.
I like hearing
the audible gasp
in a movie theater
or
noses sniffling, tissues being exchanged by strangers
because
for once
I know that these people
are feeling the same way I am
and that I am not
alone.
I like hearing your quiet snores beside me
after we've fought
because you did not get mad enough to leave
and I'll work it all out tomorrow
I promise.
I like feeling
the kick drum resound in my heart
at concerts
because I can feel it
and it is there
and I may have to get away from the crowd
but it is still music,
it is still passion
I am still there.
I like when you've just cut your hair
and I know you hate it
because you must have told me a thousand times
how they ******* messed it up
and ****, you are so angry
but I am distracted
because I am seeing your eyes
for the first time;
and they are a jungle
and I am tangled up in your branches.
I like crying over trivial things
like movies and books and the way you looked before you got onto the plane,
because that means that I am not caught up
in the urge to drag a razor across my skin
or all the things that I have held myself back from.
I like unfocusing my eyes
and clearing my thoughts
so all I can hear is music
and not drown in my own thoughts
for once.
I like falling in love
with someone I cannot have
because the fear of rejection
is not there
and I can love wholly
and completely
because he will never know me
and this makes me feel content.
I like being unextraordinary
and leaving no mark on this town
except for maybe
an empty soda can on the stage of the park and
crushed, unlit cigarettes
because
it will be easier for me to get away
and no one will remember me
or the way I liked the weird things.
Rebecca Gismondi Aug 2014
the one thing that really keeps me from being myself is,
well,
me
traits, quirks, moves that are innately built in to my genetic makeup
are also the things that prevent me from who I am
the one thing that really keeps me from being myself is this tight kilted skirt
so tight, in fact, that because I can hardly breathe I find it hard to say what I need to
held in by this waistband that divides me in two
the one thing that really keeps me from being myself is this bottle of wine that I have lost myself in,
one, two, three times
alone,
unfocusing the lens of my present onto a picture of the past,
to recede,
the one thing that really keeps me from being myself is this profile that I hide behind
this picture of me, head cocked, sly smile, eyes wide
is that really me?
the one thing that really keeps me from being myself is my big mouth that drags me into unfortunate situations,
reveals too much or too little,
gossips, quivers, spits fury and turns upward in a forced motion of supposed happiness
am I –
happy?
am I –
myself?
this city keeps me from being myself because I’m afraid that around every corner that I might see the face of someone I long for or long to harm
the subway keeps me from being myself because there are too many bodies pushing against mine that I am afraid if I touch one more person I might mould into them
the sun keeps me from being myself because in its light I shut my eyes so tightly you can’t see into my soul
this stabbing pain in my stomach keeps me because it’s the only thing I feel and it prevents me from ingesting new moments
my mind is the real culprit:
stories,
stuffed to the brim with tales
chock full of figures from back then and now
blurred visions of faces begged to be forgotten
she steals my eyes sometimes,
my mind,
pulls them out of their sockets and reverses them
to see the gears turning
“I can feel you disappearing”
I am gone;
a cyborg,
my body disintegrates but my mind lives on
transhuman;
transcendent
“myself”
is in photographs ,
imprinted in the sand,
(I always look back to where I sat to remind myself that I leave a mark),
and in words
in –
words
yes,
the curvature of my transcribed thoughts
I live in
words
how foolish I am!
they hold me like my favourite old sweater
smell of my skin
breathe with ease
but now: words on page should mimic words from one’s mouth,
no?
I should speak what I write and write what I speak,
should I not?
guard only my deepest secrets, but speak honestly and freely
then, will I be myself?
fine then, the truth:
once, when I was seventeen I grabbed the hand of a boy I liked and held it in mine to know what it felt like to feel another’s warmth,
when I was four, I lost my hearing to a monster that lived in my canal,
and I never speak of it because although I can’t hear well,
I can feel the vibrations of dishonesty and hate
last week, I broke a bag, my headphones, a mug and a chip in half and cried because I literally felt everything around me fall apart
there:
the truth,
now:
can you see me?
or are the pages of my body still slowly filling up with my stories?
perhaps I will never be “myself” until I lie on my back drawing my last breath
and I reread the words on my skin
and finally find
me.
until then, one last truth:
the one thing that really keeps me from being myself and the one thing I fear will continue to do so:
is me.
Paul Donnell Apr 2018
Wip
I am in love with something that can never really be met.
Shes always standing just where the horizon falls into forever. Riding the sun solemnly down and then laughing as she rises with the moon.

She tourtures me in every idle moment. Calling my name and whispering promises of all the wonderous things hidden underneath silk and paper maps

A moth to a flame, I am burned and turned to ash and the Gods have seen fit that i am ressurected everytime and everytime i am filled with greater passion for her.

She has led me across grassy hills that morph in the breeze, unfocusing my eyes and showing me dreams.
through caves and cold creeks, long highways and longer nights.
Katie Apr 2019
Fire escapes, pink neon lights flashing, always slick with rain, crouched and watching the gleaming cars below

Ballrooms dripping in gold and coral, strips of lace left behind, laughter floating through the empty rooms

Rain forests so lush your body feels overdressed in clothes, moss under foot, muscle memory from another time

New York hotels strewn with cigarettes and adorned with fey boys and girls in white shirts and black skinny ties, draped over red carpeted staircases

Cafe’s strung with exposed lightbulbs, cobblestone paths leading to the river, espresso and honeysuckle fill the air, as whisperers of what it is to truly live brush past your ear

Thread worn carpets in cabins hung with dried herbs, sunlight pouring in making fantasy from dust motes

Terra-cotta cottages painted like gingerbread houses, palm trees swaying slightly, pink frosted lips tasting of cotton candy and salt water

All my lives
All here for the viewing if you know how to look

Tilt your head
Unfocusing your gaze like my eyes are lights on your Christmas tree
Lean in
“Hello there”
Scorch'd Diana Aug 2021
Focusing-Upon Something is
to be focusing on a thing or upon such a thing,
while any sort or kind of focus loss and the such, as in
the process of losing a focused state or condition of cognitive accuracy, is said to be plainly
unfocused, or otherwise
unfocusing or having unfocused said thing
or, it might also be said to have lost
a focus, maybe together with
on or upon followed by it, such so often is the said thing.

By being focused on focusing bound with either an
on or an upon something, however,
means the meaning of staying focused
exactly that is, though not to forget that
if not instead, metacognitive thinking
is the actual context instead,
changing the actual meaning of
the entire situation again
of the poor forgotten thing we've said
and only if
and that's what a focus
is actually meant for

either lense up or lents down
get your hold over your hands
and your hinchy head again.
Force France Frenzy frown
Fans Fins Thumbs
Forethrown thin tin can
Firecat Cutfella Focus Fez Fossils Fuzzy Fis
Cussings Things Locus Lotus Focal Fatal Local Far-Right Referential Frugal I Find easy to bethieve a faith
Faucault is his name incorrectily misremembered and improperly written by me, or is it?
Let uns feel, steal
nothing like F words anymore
let's concentrate on rehearsive appeal.

It's sounding somelike akin to gobbledygook, Corporate Cantonese Chinese chit-chatter,
Jackie Chan in a checkish kung-fu family film featuring
this fanservice just so it lands
tonguey expressiveness lisp of his it is,
as it is presented to his audience.

And the focus within, - also with an on or upon, of course - to observe
the Great or Single, fair to feit letterwise
Wrong and Right as well, pro or contra
it's numerous consequences
are hidden even deeper within
and nothing, never ever having any
one of these stuffs,
but cognitive resources
well shockshit, too insufficient, just not a single unretarded card landing up at hand
to think through chaos
yet certain cold anxiety noises
easier than reason to listen to
but for colorful light shimmer engorgery
brain is not enough brain?
great
to enjoy
inavailable
the world
in raw unorder
That is not right.

It is wrong.

In the end, what is so significant then
what's the point to poker a *** which
pays you no vendor and
burns more like real **** than hashish
and card metaphors turned to ******
it boils down to the question I beg
analyzing an art
is not really wrong,
I admit, it is hard
and more often than not
impossible.

Elaborations, unneccessary creations
word generations, delusional the most
my meta rule engines
the dull flesh my laziness bears.

When is it whole paragraphs too long
where was awareness gone
what sounds wise
who am I,

and are you
fellow gendered stranger in front of that curious letter user
are you more important than me
you so called
Missesy Lady Madam Bibabuttens who is, from, her, their and your Majesty of Royally?

Abnormally nobel and novel
a genie of next stationing away
from obsession
to forthflowing content!

Really, content, stay to it
avoid going nuts
from overreacting about
the wrong thing
this is your rail.

Just imagine, against the facts
clearly not at hand
Assume:
your curse protects
from, say
Adverse effects
perverted defects
murdering insects

religiously the fallacy acts
the Pope's racial pedigree
bibles brible library liar blessphemy
chapter apes shape the chapel
pslam verses Christian
Territorial hissings
clashings and death wishings
Let me be please preach
Guess that's a way.

So, what is this tiny little tale's lesson here learnt?

Ech, who am I asking there anyway
as if I and my own, wonderful echelon besides me,
entirely made out of all of my positive traits
were out on a hustle for some hustling
or is that me?
Part genie,
art genie
a gentle data editor sprite

or taken off masks
a human being resolving a spite
the cure through hard drive overrides.

What might my friends be thinking now,
without knowing how much I think about them now and simply hope to appeal to them, not to disappoint them, precisely because I trust them as deeply as they trust me too
why must love always hurt so much
and nevertheless, no one is ever to look away from the pain of others
those close to you and about your pain of aware sight, who simply stand around just like you?

Who is taking the reins when
and who is taking amiss when about whom
who decides when is what to be done how and where
who is telling us where we come from and why we do whatever we do?


Is that love. Is this love? This is love? That's love. Friends are the loveliest. They are simply the lovely ones lovely. ***** *** for a second or two, one does **** one another the best way mentally anyway before chilling out on
those ours well-equipoised equivalents
of the cigarette after.
Oh, friendship, wicked substance
but who is the alchemist
and who the philosopher
or the physicist? Or our medical prodigy today? I prefer one role about all the brains, perhaps, white coffee for me.

The Focus and the Ego
who I am, as a sum out of all of you, or you, sum of them and us,

It is defined through the current condition of that approximately relevant situation
since whatever it is directed on or upon
so much a mathematical function alike
and spits out essentials in numbers and clock gear cogs and odds
so that the thankful you, for these volitional line breaks over everywhere, are left gobsmacked
your turn to jaw my drop even downer,

and eventually everything
that you want
that you are, that you eat,
that you're willing to be and to become
is yielded by what you're seeing
and others are seeing about you thatever you've seen
and nothing else but the comparison, this one special process, operation
between letters and thinked thoughts

as final
component to the last trick
for the quiry to insights which still might be left lacking,
and a huge fun it's going to be
to untangzzigle, iron and refubrish
after the after the Lysergical
what pity, has to leave again soon
but still is quite a while around here and there until then

let's enjoy the symmetry of that duck over there!
JP Oct 2017
Is Desire??
was the just a diversion
of our miserable life..

Is Ambition??
was the just a focus
from unfocusing our boring life

Is Rich??
was the just to collect of material
from insecurity of ancient mind

Is Poor??
was the just to be empty
from the result of impulsive mind

Is Goverment??
was the bunch of trickster to steal
from the poor and give to party..

Is Marriage??
was the institution of myth
from freedom to cage..

Is Home loan??
was the biggest cheating of cheats
from self respect tenant to miserable loanee..
Julianna Nov 2019
My hands shake
and all I do is stare at them
the people around me
unaware of its significant
my gaze is unfocusing
because my imagination is taking over
which is never a good thing

— The End —