A is for anthill which I have in my drive
B is for buzzing from a hidden bee hive
C is for cockroach that run all round the house
D is for droppings, that have been left by a mouse
E is for egg sack that hangs in my trees
F is for flying which the bugs do with ease
G is is for gophers which inhabit my yard
H is for hillocks with which my yard is marred
I is for insects which are all I can see
J is for june bugs, they're as big as my knee
K is for killing which I try to do
L is for lugworms that are shaped like a *****
M is for Mickey and his mousey like friends
N is for never...this infestation won't end
O is for Oscar, my scared orange cat
P is for well...***...and he's good at that
Q is for quinine which I leave out to treat
R is for rodents, which I want Oscar to eat
S is for slugs which are killing my grass
T is for totalled, just give me a match and some gas
U is for underwriter who has insured my place
V is for vermin, that now own all my space
W is for water with which I started a flood
X is for poison, which will thin out their blood
Y is for Yertle, a turtle by suess
Z is me sleeping...to bugs and vermin on the loose

Commandos of respect holed up in the lights
of the medical machine
you are the only thing going on in my head
when I am not trying to think

found leaden footage of stock still bunting
from out the abattoir's grand  open day
on the HB pencil museum's HD security cam

voice can't open wide enough
to say your dead summer name aloud
since evil pixie told me to preserve it in its own silence

saw dead things twine in with tweetie pie's twirling bow tie
polo neck wool brings sling blades to a stop
pull throttle into tug of war  till I blacks out again

fourteen lunar wards later
still can't untangle the sad laughter
of  the neat tarantula  that came out in sympathy
shed her wee skin twice so she did
to make me a nice pair of fingerless gloves

two cold green sparks stood and stared  
at the throw away keep sakes
not dying just going under to cool off for a bit

third hinge blew off  and the song circle bled
and I placed its wound in totemic jello till it went the way of all flesh feathers

my share of the pain didn't give yours a moan in edgeways, it clum back down the thorns of  white gore rose
it was near to the end bit of life
where the gentle killers hung around

Uh-Oh my rhyming machine's got stuck again
see you in a moe toe flow blow sow foe bow crow snow low grow doe .............
.................there's no
such thing as zero
said bronzed gecko with crab arms for munch lips
like his song said
-never let now and then get too close together
-never put rainbow colours near any metal when in in a liquid form
-never hug when giving the kiss of life
-never put infrared furniture in dark living room
-never preserve a sadness in an artificial laughter
then when the music was over itself again
my foetus shaped ears clung to my head
like phantom limb headphones
we turned ourselves  back on
and up
and out
of the natural low
till we were beside our old selves again

Seven on my neck, six on my chest, five on my hands, one on a thigh, and one on each knee.

Scar one; Our voices were cut mid-sentence when you swerved onto our side of the road.
Scar two; For the first time, Time was in slow-motion. You made it possible to count the silent seconds.
Scar three; Seven seconds in, my mum cried a religious code, "Oh my God!"
Scar four; You made me believe that's the last thing I'd hear before I'd leave.
Scar five; ... Will we survive?
Scar six; My heart kicks in gear, blood flows to areas that suspect a mother's worst fear.
Scar seven; We're far from Heaven.

Scar eight; August 29, 2007. You made me remember this date.
Scar nine; The words I manage from my ****** throat that night, "Is everyone alright?"
Scar ten; You showed me magic tricks were real. The bowl in my hands vanished with the help of the air bag, sending pieces to the back for another life to steal.
Scar eleven; Can you possibly imagine feeling, but not seeing your cold, stinging, cut throat singing? Singing red, just pouring your heart into it?
Scar twelve; You set two fires to feed. One in my heart and one on my knees.
Scar thirteen; My brother hadn't seen anything but smoke when he woke from his dreams.

Scar fourteen; I know you're a father, have you met mine? No, you were gone before you could tell him his family wasn't fine, and that you may have had a little too much wine.
Scar fifteen; Like a mother duck rushing her ducklings across the road, you put mine in full-mother-mode.
Scar sixteen; When the paramedics came, they mistaken the taco salad for my brain.
Scar seventeen; The way you leaned on our totalled car, smoking a cigarette, not a scratch on you, not a sign of regret.
Scar eighteen; After the hospital, you made it almost impossible for Nan to get me into her car.

Scar nineteen; My friends waited 'till late, crying, thinking I was dead, and my mother and brother, dead. Have you ever had someone mess with your head?

Scar twenty; July 23, 2012. I got my driver licence. And by now, they've probably given your's back to you. This isn't your first time, this isn't my first rhyme.
Scar twenty-one; Driving at night, every night, I still see your headlights right in front of me. My body is still braced so don't you think you left no trace.

Scars. I had more but they've healed. I have 21 scars that you meant because at that number, that's no 'accident'.

While in the midst of playing solitaire
(with losing outcome foreordained
after a couple moves), I became gripped
with combinations predicated on thirteen
ranks each of four French suits subsumed:
Clubs (♣), Diamonds (◊), Hearts (♥) And Spades (♠).

I  totalled a sum of fifty two variations.

If one of four possible draws for king available,
(which could be either Clubs, Diamonds, Hearts,
and Spades), that would automatically determine
every subsequent card diminishing in rank
topped off with an Ace.

Please feel welcome to challenge my presumption
within a dark alley late at night.

The above calculation logical since a standard deck
(not surprisingly) comprises 52 cards
(4 suits of 13).

Each suit (Clubs ♣, Diamonds ◊, Hearts ♥, Or Spades ♠)
contains an Ace, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10,
Jack, Queen, And King.

There are no duplicates.

No Google search yielded results
asper this nagging question, but unexpectedly
whet an immediate appetite describing
the history of plain old vanilla playing cards.

Said legacy encompassing the four suits
i.e. collectively represent four elements
(wind, fire, water, and earth),
the seasons, and cardinal directions.

They represent struggle of opposing forces
for victory in life. Each suit on a deck of cards
represents four major pillars of economy
during middle ages: Heart represented
Church, Spades represented  military,
clubs represented agriculture, and
Diamonds represented merchant class.

King of hearts is the only king minus a mustache.

Face cards (Jacks, Queens, And Kings) so called
"face cards" because the cards
have pictures of their names.

One-eyed Royals (the Jack of spades
and Jack of Hearts often called "one-eyed Jacks"),
and King of Diamonds drawn in profile;
therefore, these cards
commonly referred to as "one-eyed".

The King of Spades ♠ ranks
as one of three immovable Fixed Cards
in the Cards of Life and resides
in the Crown Line of both Master Scripts
(Spirit and Life).

Said card, in situ, the most powerful card
in the deck.

A Jack or Knave is a playing card,
which in traditional French and English decks,
pictures a man in traditional or historic
aristocratic dress generally associated
with Europe of the 16th or 17th century.

The usual rank of a Jack, within its suit,
plays as if it were an 11
(that is, between the 10 and the Queen).

Charming, resourceful, personable and easy-going
best defines Jack of Spades.

Blessed with a creative mind,
this one-eyed Jack of the deck manifests
jais nais sais quois salient scrutiny
jest via virtue of lightness of his being.

The four card suits that we know today —
Hearts, Diamonds, Spades, and Clubs
(rooted in French design) circa 15th century,
but the idea of card suits is much older.

The written history of card playing
began during 10th-century Asia,
from either China or India,
as a gambling game.

That idea found its way to ancient Muslim world
before 14th century.

The oldest known deck of Muslim playing cards,
like the playing cards of today,
had four suits: Coins, Cups, Swords, and Polo Sticks.

These decks of cards then showed up
in southern Europe, but because polo sticks
were unfamiliar to Europeans, that suit
eventually changed to Scepters, Batons,
or Cudgels (a type of club).
In France, Parisian cardmakers
settled on Spades, Hearts, Clubs, and Diamonds
as the four suits.  
    
The first adaptations of German card suits
constituted Leaves, Hearts, and Hawk Bells
(Acorns rounded out German suit).

Considering cards strictly made
for French upper class, tis little surprise
cardmakers chose expensive
Diamonds over common Acorns.

The French advanced card making utilizing
flat, single-color silhouettes for suits.

These images created with simple stencils,
made manufacture easy, quick, and inexpensive.

Innovative new, cheaper cards
flooded the market in the 15th century,
became popular in England,
and then traveled to America.    

Contrary to contemporary belief four suits
meant to represent four seasons inaccurate.

Equally questionable 52 cards linkedin
to 52 weeks of the year.

Many numerological and religious
explanations asper composition  
analogous to deck of cards postulated,
but these explanations purportedly created
ex post facto, perhaps to give deck-holders
a solid argument, that role deck of cards
maintained existed other than for gambling.

Thai By
This place gets under your skin. Slowly creeping in like black Texas gold. I said I'd never partake in the cat house girls. Seeing them each day for eighteen months was routine. Walking past the 'venues' to my shop. Usual hi's and hello's.

Then one fine humid day, bang! I happened. I changed. Cabin fever? I walked into Suzi's Place. I put my cash on the counter and grinded the mamasan first. Then her two daughters followed by every other girl in there. It took thirteen hours.

I totalled twenty eight girls. Most were nice. I can't tell my wife. My mate could, his wife's cool. Mine isn't. I'll say I was busy inking from dawn to dusk. I'm not sure what came over me. The Thai air got under my skin. That day tattooing could wait.

Maybe I'll do it again. Invite my wife and her toy boy. Did I say that people are strange here? I fit in well...

i found out the meaning of home somewhere along the broken highways of new mexico, red sands chock full of iron and cars carrying tumbleweeds on the underside of their exhaust pipes. i found life out in the desert, spinning off road and out of control until the crash, totalled, broken bones and putting the pieces together again. sometimes it’s hard to love someone when you’re always with them, like how looking at the same side of the moon never gets old because it hides in the daylight, like how eleven-hour car rides can turn into tense late hotel nights.

i found out the meaning of home in a kaleidoscope, neon street signs in a language i’ve never been able to speak, looking for eyes looking for me. there’s something unnerving about the dead of night in kansas city, like a piece of me that no one else has ever been supposed to see, old marks and places where bones were forced to regrow, old sunburns that just live under the skin instead of on display again. i keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but i’m not sure when the first one fell in the first place, like i’ve been waiting to figure out if i’ve ever belonged in a single solitary place, like how every single star that i’ve ever seen sounds like it could hold a home in its heart for me.

i found out the meaning of home in the decay, the falling apart at the seams, plucked out by a compulsive need, snapping loose strings from the sleeves of hoodies until there’s nothing left of me except for the unravelling. the southwest is scattered with the rubble of long-abandoned twice-owned properties, old lots where children never played because the tar has always been melting, liquidating, capitalizing on the collapse of what used to be.

i found the meaning of home but i lost the memory. every word i’ve ever spoken is rotten poetry because i can’t remember what i’ve said or who i’ve claimed to be. i feel most at home when i’m lost, when i’m wandering, and now i’ve been far enough to know that the twisting highways of the midwest will never be confusing again for me. i need to go further, farther away from the mess of puzzle pieces that i’ve been handing out to anyone who wants a part of me. i’ve always been disjointed, like since july i’ve been popping my jaw into place every time i have something to say because it doesn’t want to stay the way that it should be, like i don’t want to stay the way that i am but i have to because it’s expected of me.

i lose myself every time someone asks me who i want to be: lost until i know everything, then pushing and going and moving and never ever staying, making a home in the bones of the sun before she ejects me, evicting me from the ghost town of what her heart used to be. why has everything become arizona to me? like the edge of the grand canyon promising something better than a downfall, a mile down of feeling like flying, like standing on the edge gets my heart racing. maybe the only reason i ever wanted to be dead was because everyone stopped listening, and i’ve always been a performer before anything.

i wish i could find answers from highway signs, in the songs my friends sing in my car as we speed, five ten fifteen eighty, integrity. i wish i had more words after eighteen years of spewing things that don’t have meanings. i wish things were easy, like the rocky mountain breeze coming down from the north and infecting the humidity in a way that makes the sky feel more free. i wish that i could find something that made me feel that free, something besides the seconds before the fall, the anticipation of the drop, the sensation of weightlessness that only comes with being bound or released from gravity. maybe someday i’ll grow wings, fly faster than this toyota ever drove me. maybe home is in the shapes of the clouds, a castle in the sky blinded by the sunrise. maybe home is in the memories, and maybe that’s why i always feel like i’m chasing things.

I wish I could write poems of distraction. I sit all day in rooms and there are times I am outside and it feels unnatural. I am curious to the state of my insides. Sleep is not reliable. Dreams are not patient.

It is night and it is cold, and as I look up to stare at stars and planets I see car crashes. Orion totalled by a Chevy Cobalt. A pickup dislodging each dipper and sending them reeling to infinity, smacking empty space.

Cold nights are cleansing. I need more time to think. There is so much to be thought, isn't there, so much potential just floating around, pathless, empty. The season will not change for a while. I must build a fire and warm myself.

Is there a difference  between seventy  and two hundred?
Does a man accomplish  more  with a sick body and addled mind
Old like a tortoise or
methuselah  from biblical times
Does he seek destiny  in a cup of tea
Hoping for a spark
To see
And and and
Time moveth along
How long in the tooth or
Deep in the bone
To  the marrow ?
The crushing of the soul
How many stacked?

Bodies are  totalled ?
How many have passed..
Besides
My mother and father
Who will remember?
Who is there to recall
The endless tasks and
Hours
Like stacked bricks
In a wall
Time may not be the  villain
Procrastination
And things taken for granted
I will walk upon  the soil
When this earth is a dark dead planet

The view was good from the hotel window the beach the skyline the hotel area with palm trees placed here and there and the swimming pool and the people around it some lying in sunbeds or in the pool swimming or standing talking one or two walking around in bathing trunks or bikinis Benedict stared down at the girls measured with his eyes sizes and heights and age yes that was important some looked younger than they were some were aged but didnt look so from where he stood what you looking at? Abela asked from the bed lowering the book shed been reading making the most of the scenery he replied dont get this view where we live quite picturesque isnt it she said better than the postcard view in the brochure he watched one of the girls walk to the edge of the pool stretch her arms out and dive into the water and splash she resurfaced shaking water from her head like a dog her hair flowing about her head come back to bed Abela said you need to rest before our evening out into town and you know how tired you get unless youve rested well he watched the girl pull herself out of the water her bulbs visible as she moved forward her thighs were fine and a nice **** tight he thought as she turned towards the pool again come on Abela said the view cant be that good ok he said turning away from the window as the girl dived in again he walked back to the bed and lay beside Abela who had the book in her hand and before her face reading he lay there his head on a pillow staring at the ceiling and the fan going slowly around and around Im here now he said how about it? about what? she said lowering the book us now you know relaxing after a bit of exercise what exercise? she asked the kind of exercise that we do in unison he said if you mean *** the answer is no not now Im not in the mood besides Im at an interesting part of the book he sighed and looked at the fan again you must rest she said take a chance to sleep then maybe after out evening out we could exercise she said putting the book in front of her shutting him out he closed his eyes breathed in the scent of her body the sense of her beside him the slight movement of her body vibrating in the bed as he lay the first time hed had *** with her was by surprise not planned one of those things that happened when it didnt seem on the cards theyd just closed up shop after the last customer and had totalled up the till and she went up stairs to make sure no customer had been left in but it was empty the beds and bedroom furniture was as it should be except Benedict was laying on one of the beds by the window what you doing? she asked trying out the bed he replied and? what's it like? she asked come and try he said patting the space beside him on the bed she walked over to the bed and looked at him Ive not got time for testing beds now she said chill out he said patting the bed she sighed and lay beside him on the bed she lay back and felt the mattress beneath her and bounced a little seems good she said running a hand along the surface he turned and faced her she looked around at him it's good she said wish I could afford to buy it and not just sell it need to have a honest feel about things here he said studying her features honest feelings? she said well he said most people buy a bed to sleep in but also to make love in so? she said well how can we say its good bed when we dont know what its like to have *** in? we just say it she said they take our word for it dishonesty at the extreme he said thats business she said she turned to face him they stared at each other he taking in her bright eyes and snub nose and round chin and jawline she took in his hazel eyes moustache and quiff of brown hair and that smiling eyes we must go she said need we? he said yes Ive got to get home as Im out tonight she said who with? he asked friends of mine from college and school he smiled youre quite a beauty Ive not noticed before just how beautiful you are she looked away from him and looked at her wristwatch look its getting on she said we could try the bed out he said we have tried it out she said not love making we havent he said are you suggesting we have *** here now? she said her eyes wide I havent suggested anything he said just thought what kind of girl do you think I am? she said never gave it a thought what kind of girl you were he said well Im not the kind of girl to have *** just like that she said and saying that Im beautiful wont wash with me they lay looking at each other he gazing at her eyes blue or green he couldnt decide she looked at him there that brown quiff of hair and how could she come up here the next day and not see them on the bed having ***? it wasnt on but she lay there sensing an urge opening within her like small bud widening as if water had touched and brought to life but she she could she? she tried to push it from her thoughts the image of them there having *** and he was laying there gazing at her and o why did he have to suggest such a thing she lay on her back and said the bed seems so good for sleeping on seems a shame not to know what its like to have *** on doesnt it? my sentiments too he said she got off the bed and began to undress and he after watching for a few moments began to undress too the upstairs furniture room now seemed transformed seemed smaller the window above the bed showed late afternoon sky a few sounds outside of passing traffic  she had undressed completely he had also following her example got to do it right she said no clothes makes it seem more natural as if it were an experiment rather than a sordid affair he looked at her standing by the bed hed not seen her like that before hed only imagined her like that in the few moments at work when not busy now there she was the small but tight **** the dark brush the thighs shall we? she said and lay down in the bed he lay there beside her she put a hand on his chest and he opened his eyes and she said see you needed that rest now we can get ready to go out he rubbed his eyes as she got up from the bed but he kept the image of her inside his head.

Where else to begin

but from a repetitive scene where
light smothering the fractured windshield
is the face of a mother

and the brute agony
of a totalled vehicle, the countenance
of a father?

But which ruin takes its station
amongst all moveless damages?
What narrative to assuage than appall
    which has not been drawn before,
 say a line to daze the day into genre?

In transit we have no words for it,
  nearly giving meaning to a god and
  fray itself drunk with a lesson.
What space here remains vacant and is
  an invitation to a marred face,
 pressing against the upholstery but makes
 final its formlessness?

 What space is here that sits
     with in an acoustic? This silence again and again,
  a sign of a spectral dawn again and
      again released from what they spit at me

   those who are but vigils in pried open yesterdays
         decomposing from where I lay with them.

that clenched another win (yahoo)
jimmied today August 15th, 2022 single handedly
just before the crack of dawn
with both hands tied behind my back,
and a blindfold worn over my eyes.

While in the midst of playing solitaire
(with losing outcome foreordained
after a couple moves), I became gripped
with combinations predicated on thirteen
ranks each of four French suits subsumed:
Clubs (♣), Diamonds (◊), Hearts (♥) And Spades (♠).

I  totalled a sum of fifty two variations.

If one of four possible draws for king available,
(which could be either Clubs, Diamonds, Hearts,
and Spades), that would automatically determine
every subsequent card diminishing in rank
topped off with an Ace.

Please feel welcome to challenge my presumption
within a dark (and stormy) alley late at night.

The above calculation logical since a standard deck
(not surprisingly) comprises 52 cards
(4 suits of 13).

Each suit (Clubs ♣, Diamonds ◊, Hearts ♥, Or Spades ♠)
contains an Ace, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10,
Jack, Queen, And King.

There are no duplicates.

No Google search yielded results
asper this nagging question, but unexpectedly
whet an immediate appetite describing
the history of plain old vanilla playing cards.

Said legacy encompassing the four suits
i.e. collectively represent four elements
(wind, fire, water, and earth),
the seasons, and cardinal directions.

They represent struggle of opposing forces
for victory in life. Each suit on a deck of cards
represents four major pillars of economy
during middle ages: Heart represented
Church, Spades represented  military,
clubs represented agriculture, and
Diamonds represented merchant class.

King of hearts is the only king minus a mustache.

Face cards (Jacks, Queens, And Kings) so called
"face cards" because the cards
have pictures of their names.

One-eyed Royals (the Jack of spades
and Jack of Hearts often called "one-eyed Jacks"),
and King of Diamonds drawn in profile;
therefore, these cards
commonly referred to as "one-eyed".

The King of Spades ♠ ranks
as one of three immovable Fixed Cards
in the Cards of Life and resides
in the Crown Line of both Master Scripts
(Spirit and Life).

Said card, in situ, the most powerful card
in the deck.

A Jack or Knave is a playing card,
which in traditional French and English decks,
pictures a man in traditional or historic
aristocratic dress generally associated
with Europe of the 16th or 17th century.

The usual rank of a Jack, within its suit,
plays as if it were an 11
(that is, between the 10 and the Queen).

Charming, resourceful, personable and easy-going
best defines Jack of Spades.

Blessed with a creative mind,
this one-eyed Jack of the deck manifests
jais nais sais quois salient scrutiny
jest via virtue of lightness of his being.

The four card suits that we know today —
Hearts, Diamonds, Spades, and Clubs
(rooted in French design) circa 15th century,
but the idea of card suits is much older.

The written history of card playing
began during 10th-century Asia,
from either China or India,
as a gambling game.

That idea found its way to ancient Muslim world
before 14th century.

The oldest known deck of Muslim playing cards,
like the playing cards of today,
had four suits: Coins, Cups, Swords, and Polo Sticks.

These decks of cards then showed up
in southern Europe, but because polo sticks
were unfamiliar to Europeans, that suit
eventually changed to Scepters, Batons,
or Cudgels (a type of club).
In France, Parisian cardmakers
settled on Spades, Hearts, Clubs, and Diamonds
as the four suits.  
    
The first adaptations of German card suits
constituted Leaves, Hearts, and Hawk Bells
(Acorns rounded out German suit).

Considering cards strictly made
for French upper class, this little surprise
cardmakers chose expensive
Diamonds over common Acorns.

The French advanced card making utilizing
flat, single-color silhouettes for suits.

These images created with simple stencils,
made manufacture easy, quick, and inexpensive.

Innovative new, cheaper cards
flooded the market in the 15th century,
became popular in England,
and then traveled to America.    

Contrary to contemporary belief four suits
meant to represent four seasons inaccurate.

Equally questionable 52 cards linkedin
to 52 weeks of the year.

Many numerological and religious
explanations asper composition  
analogous to deck of cards postulated,
but these explanations purportedly created
ex post facto, perhaps to give deck-holders
a solid argument, that role deck of cards
maintained existed other than for gambling.

I swear I didn’t.
Was never my plan to
go brother to brother.
You didn’t need to be so
shocked we fit better than we had
though.

He had months to know me while
you jumped straight with me.
I was walking from him when he stopped me
in my retreat.
Must have known he was losing me since
he grabbed the chance to make us
official in everyone else’s eyes.

He asked you before about it.
About if you had problems with it,
you said no.
Later admitted to me how you were
totalled in shock.

Must have been baffling to hear how
the brother liked the broken girl.
Shocking.
Brother heals girl broken from brother-
what a ******* classic.

Most nights I cannot sleep
There is no amount of melatonin that could shut my eyes just enough to keep them from breaking back open
Nothing that will wipe my memory clean enough for me to dream on a blank canvas
Most nights I am too taunted by past to imagine the future
Spend the time between laying down and deep sleep
Trying to open every door that was left unlocked
Retracing steps that are far too buried to be seen
Most nights I cannot sleep
Cannot bare to remember every moment I used to wish I'd never forget
Held on to seconds like they would somehow stay
I learned that most people don't
And am so easily haunted by visions of those who didn't
You were the first to leave me breathless and wondering
Hands filled with shards of glass that I wanted to give back to you
Thought maybe you'd come back if you knew how much it hurt to have you leave
I cannot sleep
There are monsters in my closet
Most nights I can drown out their noise
With the volume of late night tv and sitcoms with laugh tracks
But sometimes my thoughts are too loud for even my own head
See the thing is
The monsters in my closet
Do not have multiple eyes and green skin
They wear your smile and smell of marlborro reds
My cigarette of choice
So comforting
That it almost makes me forget that you're not next to me
That you left a long time ago
Said the only reason you stayed in the first place is because you didn't know
How to tell me that I meant nothing to you
Didn't know how to put out a fire started from a match you lit yourself
Never knew how to take the blame for your own mistakes
When you totalled your brand new car on the side of the highway and blamed it on the cracks in the road
You can not rush into things
Speed towards them 80 miles per hour
And then not take account for their injuries
At times I wish you would have left me with bruises and a ****** nose
I've learned physical wounds are a lot easier to explain
It's hard to understand what cannot be seen
I haven't seen you in a year
Do not know where you are now
Or what you do with your time
I don't know if you still smoke
Or if you listen to the same type of music
To be honest
I can't even remember the sound of your laugh
But I do remember most of what you were
When I thought I loved you
Most nights I cannot sleep
But I have reached the point
Where you are no longer in my days
In fact you only show up
Only come out
Only are visible
When the lights are off
And It is dark.

The office was in a building that
You wouldn’t have looked at twice,
In truth, it stood in a part of town
That wasn’t very nice,
The blinds forever were drawn down tight
And were thick with stains and dust,
I wouldn’t have sought a job in there
But I felt that I really must.

I was over a year on welfare, and
I knew that it had to end,
I’d lost all my self-respect, my car,
And I hadn’t a single friend,
When this came up in a tiny ad
On the supermarket board:
‘Be one of the Movers and Shakers,
Then put the Takers to the sword.’

My curiosity peaked, and I
Marched into the office grim,
An insipid girl was behind the desk,
‘You’ll have to talk to him!’
A man in an inner office sat
In a cloak and black cravat,
‘We’re needing another numbers man,
Do you think you’re up to that?’

I said I was up to anything
For I didn’t really see,
That there would be ramifications
And they would apply to me,
He showed me into an office with
A desk and a swivel chair,
Then pulling a ledger off the shelf
He set it before me, there.

‘Your job is to add up the columns
Putting a total to each name,
Remember, you’re only the numbers man
So you’re really not to blame.
Then when you get to five hundred, tear
The page from out of the book,
A man will be round to collect it,
Let’s just say, he’s Dr. Hook.’

I didn’t meet this mysterious man
‘Til I tallied up more than three,
A Johnson, Sands, and an Adamson,
And a man called Jacoby,
They’d totalled just five hundred each
When I tore their pages out,
And Dr. Hook slid them into a book,
I said, ‘What’s it all about?’

‘Never you mind, my lad,’ he said,
‘It’s better you didn’t know,
There are things that shouldn’t bother your head
Until it’s your time to go.’
But those names remained in my mind until
On watching the nightly news,
An Adamson died in a mighty wreck
And a Sands, from a faulty fuse.

I thought it might be a coincidence
And I put my mind at rest,
When the girl from work came visiting,
And she seemed to be distressed,
I’d thought that she was insipid, but
There was fire in her belly too,
‘You know that the guy whose place you took
Is dead…  So I’m warning you!’

She said that I had a page as well
In a book, kept under her desk,
‘If you saw your column, adding up,
I think you’d get little rest.
For every page you give Dr. Hook
I add ten each to your name,
With that score of ten, you’ll be just like Ben,
He lasted a year in the game!’

‘He’d started fudging the figures when
His number was creeping up,
I’d warned him, like I am warning you,
But it wasn’t ever enough,
An audit pushed him over the top
By adding a hundred points,
And the ten he’d skimmed then died with him
In that fire at the Pizza joint.’

My column is stuck, four-eighty-nine
At this moment, as I write,
I still believe I can fend it off
If I’m careful, keep it tight,
I sweat, while adding the figures up
Of a certain Dr. Hook,
His column tops five hundred and one
As I tear his page from the book.

David Lewis Paget

Hard Times
26 August 2023

Sudden cold winds sweep the net.
Wrap up wool, thick blankets.
Leave the others, awaiting play.
Little sign, still damp gray.

Dog wandered days ago,
Nott. an easy sow.
Coins totalled wood,
Poor neighborhood.
Family month of pain,
Marking time, time again.
Fears have passed,
Courage strong.
Covid facts,
Street gone wrong.
​
West coast in sight,
Pavement empty.
Next tough night,
Not so plenty.  
Forage wide ditch,
For meal and clothes.
Nature’s mind must switch,
Wild red rose.

When you can’t get upstream,
When all seem wet dreams.
Alone, struggle true bereft.
When hard times have riches theft,
Spend your day, looking west,
Follow the dog, with wagging tail
She “nose””the way, never fails.

Divorced from reality
which
I had embraced
totally
and then you came
and totalled me
and finally I saw
the light.

At the age of 10
Was the time when
He for the first time
Openly  mentioned
That becoming an actor
Was his only intention

Lied about his age
To join the Marine Corps
Stationed Different places
5 years with the defence forces

Joined the Pasadena playhouse
To learn his passion
Attended acting lessons
Met future greats Duvall and Hoffman

Was disliked by
Fellow classmates
Deemed unworthy of acting
Mocked and ridiculed for his style of expression

Voted the least likely
To succeed in the movies
Failed the exams
Got the lowest ever score in the playhouse history

Asked to leave
Found refuge in New York City
Doing odd jobs to keep life steady
Off Broadway plays to pave his way

First movie part
Was Mad Dog Call
Had no dialogue
Shared screen space with Telly Savalas

As in Broadway
He didn't start at the top
Bottom is very ugly place
He quipped famously about the acting race

Got more bit parts
Route 66 a series and the DuPont show
A hot Broadway show with Sandy Dennis
Opened up doors for his first major role in Lilith

Warren Beatty cast him
As his brother in Bonnie and Clyde as Buck Barrow
Giving him the biggest break to undo  
The brake stopping his growth

Had solid Supporting roles
With Lancaster Peck and Redford
Each a stepping stone
For what was to come

The dawn of the 70s
Saw him breakthrough into leading roles
I never sang for my father
His first Oscar nominated leading role

A fortuious moment
When he signed French Connection
Collaboration with William Friedkin
Made him the biggest Star in the Hollywood Constellation

Won the Academy Award
Topped the Box office Charts
Created A new breed
Actor / Superstar

Breaking box office records
With disaster films like
The Poseidon Adventure
Simultaneously winning
Palm D Orr for films like Scarecrow and The Conversation

Played  Lex Luthor in Superman
A superhero film a novelty then  Top billing playing the Villain V Unheard off at that time

Turned down meaty roles
Offered by great auteurs
Jaws One Flew over the Cuckoos Nest to name a couple
Such was his faith in his talent and skill

The 80 s were equally significant
Critical and Box office success ensued
Rode the decade with all the Success
Oscar Nominated for Mississippi Burning & Hoosiers named the greatest Sports film

Started the 90 s
With Narrow Margin
Followed it up with Unforgiven
Played the villain took home the 2nd  Academy Recognition

Prolific in the 4th decade
His  calling  in the movies
Worked with young talent
All claimed to be his die hard fans

5th decade in Hollywood
Golden Globe win for The Royal Tennenbaums
6 film a year
Totalled close to 100 his entire career

No dearth for offers
6 films a year 45 years later
Strong legs for 5 decades
Not many can claim that to say

The long haul
Had seen it all
Reached the age of 75
Said a final goodbye

Ability to absorb
Every character donned
On New York streets would walk
Observing all those who pass

George Morrison taught
Him how to act
Assured him of his ability
Method Acting lesson meticulously

Positioned his career
Played Supporting Roles
The part of the Villain
Gave relief with Comic roles and played Lead roles

A great position to be
All slots his name was to be
Name above the title
Any other role that tested his mettle

One of the few
Actor and Superstar. Combination
Filled Cinemas Worldwide
Followed by every prestigious Accolade

Won every major award
Life time Achievement the reward
Oscar BAFTA Globus Golden Bear Palm D Orr and Every other award
That the season brings with

First to act
In the disaster genre
Roles in many other
Captured Audience imagination forever

Now a Novelist who gets published
Written 6 books so far
Out of public eye
But never out of their memory

One of the greatest Actors
One of the. Biggest Stars
Fans all over the World
Trained to be an Actor not a Star his most famous quote

A life that's totalled
Is all in figures
Followed by zero's
Balance he hasn't used
For his own good
Decides if he was useful


The greatest joke
God played on man
Was to allow him
To discover cash on hand

Worthiness was decided
Talent was judged
Skill was valued
Religions too participated

More the better
The thumb rule
Everyone with the same goal
Bring in economics to fool

Complicated by its nature
Man added his nature
Never happy with what he has
He played with ideas to increase the money in hand

A million things were added
Nothing was ever subtracted
Multiplying money the purpose
Division of society the result

Rich and Poor
Indexes were formed
Wants remaining constant
Rich had the better hand

Wants too increased
Desire for money proportionately
Division grew with disparity
Some had all and many had none

One more section cropped
Having some but not all
Stood between the rich and poor
Appropriately named middle class

Where did class come from
Assuming that one end us all class
Their unlucky brethren is no class
Money decided Class

Worth Want Class
Rich Poor Middle
Not a plan of God
He's included so to hell with it all

Under the sky
Value added immediately
Market forces they say
Decide the value themselves we hear

Money the only motive
Equity Land Interest
Different names given
Those who don't have don't understand is the way its planned


Distribution of wealth
Con game of the Universe
Shared only amongst themselves
Not amongst them then deemed worthless

A place for people
Now rated second
Wars waged in their name
People killed money remains

Humanity laughed at
Weakness to cover the indigent
Cover the tracks and remove the guilt
Fill the empty pockets with all the sin

Religions now wage war
Money needed to spread it beyond far
Waiting for the day to deliver
Where God is sold to the highest bidder

One sided relationship
Between the maker and us
Feel obligated to oblige him
Doing everything to please him
We visit him
We obey his laws
We never fault him
We dare to even raise our tone
We use only prayer
As our tool
And devotion as a vehicle
Hoping to catch his attention
In this one way transaction
Guilty made to feel
If we skip any of the above
Got it backwards we're told
He always does his best
As he is epitome of love and trust
Be grateful to where you are
It's his will afterall
Can never go wrong
Scorecard in his hands
Decided by your thoughts and acts
He only totalled them
Your marks a  reflection of your good and flaws
Which is true
I don't know
Will the truth answer my questions
Or is the truth in the question
Why is his presence relevant
If I'm creating my own destiny
If he is destiny
What's the point in worry
Answers not required
Knowing it won't change any