Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Ryan Bowdish Oct 2013
I want to fix everything all the time
Maybe that's why I'm greying early.
Anxiety only feels good when I commit crimes
Ironically, because it's always there in me.
I think when I'm thirty I'll be bald
Alopecia will hit me by the time I'm twenty five
Can't breathe with palpitations, or so they're called
With these heart murmurs, I'm amazed I'm still alive.
Nostalgia makes me laugh and cry simultaneously
I know I take myself far too seriously
I'm tired of holding and losing things near and dear to me
Like acid drops and alcohol my blood's relatively
A relevancy and tell me, do I look infected to you?
I hide behind pastimes and impulsive rap lines
But nothing in the world could be farther from the truth
With smashed cats on road sides and fast forgotten rhymes, I
Wake up to Jim beam smiling over me
Cover leaves and evergreens childishly wind chime
I two-time everyone I meet to some subtle degree
And I've told my mom to die one too many times
But it's cool because without these angst phases
I'd have no words to express the connectable times
Which are the worst times, remember what I say
LSD and new Mexico make me want to fly away

Do I have a clue what I'm doing when I'm drinking at six thirty in the morning?

Today, around noon, I met true doom
On the train tracks of my Oklahoma culdesac
There was a dog split in four separate pieces
And though it was full of countless diseases
I thought Jesus, no one needs to see that
Considering the fabulous place we live at
So we picked up his leg and his two ******* torsos
And his head was twelve feet away from the track, more so
Rotten his teeth crushed, his spirit forgotten
Sought for life out of the fences he was brought in
Though we looked, no collar was around
So we put the poor ******* three feet underground
Brian cline built a cross (he was tossed)
And lost and crossed the best friend he fought
And I forgot for a minute the duties I hate
Because for once I did something that needed no reinstatement
Mourning wood does no good and frankly neither do I
Because when mom drinks she drives, and it puts suicide in my mind
But I got other options left to use
My throbbing ******* is sore, my bush blue and abused
Tattoo bleeding through, misconstrued my good graces
All these racists are faceless, playing miss Ohio's nameless
At full blast, backward, like present turned to past
If it were that simple, God knows maybe I'd last.

Do I have a clue what I'm doing
When I'm drinking at six thirty in the morning?

Bible belt majority, getting snotty and disorderly
Conformity torturing me, the owls hooting quarterly
In minutes, it's finished, let'***** it and stick it
This sickness is missing a home and I can't ****
Coffee in my *** is uncomfortable, but a necessity, like a
Suppository, strapped down the old man, the orderlies
Are ornery. I'm ***** but I'm tired of ***
Wishing I could love someone I've never really met
I can't rest at night with these relentless dreams
Waking me up with cold sweats and hoarse screams
My mind is reamed by the thought of Lucy in the mail
All the while hoping my friends keep themselves out of jail
I know this isn't hell, but I still feel like I'll fail
Chasing my own tail out of the fear that this isn't real
And don't tell me these restless moments are just deja vu
I know I saw all this coming when I was dazed in my youth
Swollen lymph nodes in my neck and in my back
Blowin smoke right back, who will be the first to act?
I'm tactless and laughless, and hapless, this mattress
Had lasted, in fact it's madness, this last kiss?
I've wracked it and cracked it with no decryption key
With all this frustration flying around, no one can hit me
But you scream all the way up the staircase
And I hope to the devil I never forget your face.
Wrote this a few years ago when living in Oklahoma. Thanks for the title miss Ohio's nameless to why?  And Josh "yoni" wolf
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2016
yes, i know he said he was a vegetarian, delicate counter-priesthood prince - a manner of vegetarianism that expressed an abhorrence of the practice of Eucharist, i too think the Eucharist as a metaphor is a bit porridge: i.e. yucky.  but as Wagner said to him: up north, either you eat meat or you lose the plot (loose - ß - again, not scharfes S - but die scharfes'zart - sharp-tender - already prerequisite of what sharpening omega meant for the w); mind you: salt & pepper to taste according to your own palette - if you're not a sugar ****** you won't over-salt the sauce... and you certainly will not overcook the pasta, halfway between dreadlocks and poodle hair: desirably experience bound al dente, and here comes Socrates with his knowledge of al dente: me no muffin! true that... like all these excess sugar breakfast cereals - ******* the outside, soft inside... or like the idea of ants having an exoskeleton... that's pure culinary theory - al dente exoskeleton; did i already mention salt and pepper to taste? yeah, the beef stock cube is salty, but not salty enough, given the already unsalted meat and vegetables: i cook, i take care of a toddler - Nietzsche keeps bragging: cooked by a cyclops.

who would have thought that a personal
revision of mama Italia's classic
could end up being so tasty;
Nietzsche is the foremost diner in my humble
abode: i just like the way he says:
who let woman into the kitchen?!
that's right, i deviated from the standard recipe
of mama Italia's cooking for papa don
Giovanni - honestly? in lonely times at
university when everyone was into ******
ad drunk debaucheries, and ****** fancy dress
parties? Aria Giovanni saved the day...
just look at the classic beauty, plump as a plumb
in between two cream bergs - such
exfoliation... where's that daddy long-legs
on the catwalk... come on! shove a malteser up
her *** like a suppository escutcheon - i'm sure
the salad leaves will keep her starving even more,
or walk her in Gucci with a drip-pole -
intravenous therapy while on the job -
but can you believe what only a quarter of a teaspoon
does to the Bolognese sauce recipe?
wonders... you don't add the carrot, or the celery,
among the vegetables you add button mushrooms,
and the three colours of peppers -
onions and garlic (a lot of it) as standard -
oregano, rosemary and thyme too,
some Italian five-spice - but the fennel seeds!
the fennel seeds! after i learned to cook i see
ready meals are diabetics in disguise,
and restaurant foods as defunct -
what? we're all expressing our capacity to
make choice, apologies if you made the sort of
choices you now hate... hardly a reason to
complain about my exercise in freedom,
i don't blame you, i'd have chosen differently
if i were you too... but there we go...
i'm cooking Bolognese from scratch because i like
to tickle my sense of smell and the buds of
the palette garden, i look at the sauce and
write fiction: the plot thickens...
                                                     and that's the great
3 minute microwave sequence on the other
side of the spectrum... because we're all so *busy
-
busy bees and that's merely the generation Y
dads getting hormonal treatment from tending to
babies - choices choices choices -
                                                          oddly­ enough
the mediocre work that goes on in those glass
shards - by comparison, the default argument is
pretty obvious: i too would have not invested
in caring for art, or as i once said:
you can't get good art and raise a family -
you can create good art that will support the family,
you'd end up being a great technician,
an artistic engineer - the standard model of bridges /
already in your head - is refining yourself
via plagiarism - you end up plagiarising yourself -
but come one! a quarter of a teaspoon of fennel seeds?
well, i'm not talking cumin seeds...
or maybe it was the turmeric powder that
coloured the onions yellow while frying?
2 tablespoons of garlic - for sure, enough garlic
and we're already talking Dracula -
~5 strips of bacon too -
                                          no, not necessarily involving
carrots and celery - why be boring?
this is me in my furore days in an organic
chemistry class at university - back to the esters
and perfumes, but this is raw, it's analytical
chemistry, it's nothing synthetic -
birds and the bees and some hippy buckles over
a giant butternut squash - which is why i find
people who ably memorise and recite poetry
are the same people who probably write polemics,
and do the peacock verbal dance for a woman
in a restaurant - rather than give her raw grub
of your own calibre - 1 cube of beef stock
dissolved in water - simmering for about 40 minutes,
tomatoes chopped - obviously tomato puree -
500 grams of mince beef -
                                                ever think that poetry
could reinvent journalism and also the way of
writing recipes? FENNEL SEEDS! that's what goes
in first, you roast them in chilli infused olive oil -
let them sizzle for a bit - and yes,
you pour some oil into salted water where
you'll be boiling the spaghetti - the oil means the
spaghetti won't stick together, plus pouring
oil into a saucepan of boiling water is the other
famous pastime of chemists... the former?
watch paint dry. i'm pretty ****** sure i missed something,
like mama Italia missed something to keep
the recipe a secret - well... there's Parmesan cheese
to garnish and fresh basil -
                                                and if i were raising a family,
i wouldn't be listening to the dead skeleton's album
dead magick... oh sure, the reward would be:
i'd have a little crowd at my funeral, some gibberish
about how many people knew me so well... but really
didn't... the whole street profession...
                i never got the idea of solitude and how it
might be sad from the Beatles' Eleanor Rigby song -
don't know never became an impressionable counter -
oh yeah, Darwinism helped! it helped a lot
in creating a world view, a world view that said:
don't touch this ****... leave them to it:
these people are more influenced by opinion columns
of newspapers than philosophy books -
in England, where, i dare say, the daily telegraph
is actually respectable, as is the guardian -
and the central of the two opposites? tickling
tabloid, i call the times posh tabloid, because it is
a posh tabloid: i like the way fame
desired for sales becomes toilet paper
the next day... or the newspaper on the street
that gets the footprint on the plastic surgery escapades...
love it! mm, yes darling! lovin' it!
Randy Johnson Apr 2015
I inserted a suppository right after I had been using super glue.
My hand is stuck in my **** and I don't know what I'm going to do.
When I went to the hospital, the doctors and nurses laughed.
They were in hysterics from laughter and they called me daft.
When they laughed, it offended me so I kicked the doctors below the belt.
They kicked me out and blacklisted me because they didn't like how it felt.
Because of my problem, I can't drive a car or ride my bike.
I can't afford a taxi so to get to places, I have to hitchhike.
The drivers also laugh and I have to slap them to make them keep their mouths shut.
It's been three years and I don't think I'll ever be able to get my hand out of my ****.
This is a fictional poem.
John Bartholomew Jun 2018
I remember nothing, that night I had my crash
7 cracked ribs, 1 punctured lung, the other collapsed, my spine taking the ultimate bash
9 months inside, those doctors saving my life, where would I be without the NHS
27 years old, life just at its beginning, those days gone would now be your best

Waking up I looked at my mum and then looked at my dad, tracheostomy stopping me from talking
6 weeks induced coma, crazy dreams I couldn’t tell you, girlfriend now presumably walking
Knowing before told, who is going to be so bold, to tell me the news I knew but still did dread
Dad by my side, a finalisation they could not hide, it’s unlikely you will ever walk again

This I knew but dare not say, family and friends suffering in the know
A wheelchair for life, not me, its not right, too young for this to swallow
Moved to a place where spinal injuries were rife
Stanmore National Orthopaedic Hospital. an institution where you start to see the light

Moved from ward to ward, progress slow but on the mend
contemplating so many situations and a world I did not understand
faces and places now all the same still lying on my back
I want to sit up, be normal again and get this soul back on track

Taught about so much that I really did not know
your biggest priority now was your skin, pressure sores a definite no-no
learning to go to the toilet in a completely different way
catheters and a tube of ****, a perverted dream for some that even pay

The outside world a playground not built for the likes of those in a wheelchair
a trip into town, get used to the tube, disabled design back in the day not really a care
getting into a car, an ease all my life, now governed by the height of the roof
legs under a table, as some now unable, the world now a minefield is the honest truth

I met some characters in that place, men and women with stories to make your mouth drop
some on drugs, some back from the war, one woken from a spinal stroke, wow what a crop
I met certain nurses, most of whom were fabulous and are still now friends
then there were a certain few, riled and crass and basically, a pain in the ***

And this is where life starts all over again
getting used to the looks, sympathetic and loving, life now on a new trend
from being stuck in that ward where a suppository is now needed for my ***
you’ll know where I am, end of the corridor, bay 3 bed 1

JJB
“They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.” ― Kurt Cobain

“You're incredibly, absolutely, extremely, supremely, unbelievably different.” ― Kami Garcia, Beautiful Creatures

“You're different. And I'm different too. Different is good. But different is hard. Believe me, I know.” ― Matthew Quick, Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock
Rambus Sep 2016
Love is no drug, you fool!
It would be more accurate to say it is a state of emotion and affection,
of care and awareness,
of conscience and consciousness,
all brought on by a series of complex chemical imbalances and reactions in the brain.

Yes, in the brain,
not in your heart,
not in your bones,
not in your muscles,
but in your brain.

If love were a drug, you fool,
you would take it in by needle and syringe,
inhale its smoke,
ingest its fruits or flowers,
drink its enchanted elixir,
let it fizzle and dissipate on the tip of your tongue,
or worse yet,
open wide—it’s a suppository!

Yup, that’s right,
right up the *** with your love—
if it were a drug, that is!

Just suffice it to say,
love is not a drug, you fool,
It just happens.
Energy's deserted me and
my motivation motored off.

The nurse said,
give a little cough
and then she said,
all fine

well said I,
so there's nothing wrong
in the engine room, but why
am I tired all the time?

she chimed in with,
you need a little rest and all the rest that goes with it,
perhaps a tune-up at the clinic might help a little bit
she then produced a suppository that she said might do the trick, suddenly I felt better and you've never seen me move so quick.
It's the post-pandemic suppository
or as they like to call it
the Boris Johnson oratory
feels as if
we're the cultures in a laboratory
( note how often tory is tacked onto words )

Keep healthy and happy, they say,
take two pills with water twice every day
but we know
they're trying to **** us with a kindness
because that is their way

and if we go by bus
because we can't afford
to go loco
we're still crazy and heading
to the nuthouse.
a worse hellish fate than perdition really *****

As of early morning
today - September 8th, 2022,
I could not but barely move
mine whole body felt
analogous to sluggish mollusk
frequent constipation found me
doubled over in gastrointestinal agony
as if elephant stomping on tummy
or red livid with rage.

I've re: created how bull
heaver in fiber figuratively ****** his tusk
into lower abdominal area dawn to dusk
ah...voila... hence subsequently
blessed natural laxative,
the magic of Daily Fiber
100% natural psyllium husk
also known as metamucil.

Once again sphincter muscle(s)
spasmodically malfunctioned awry
whew suppository unnecessary
despite gastrointestinal stoppage
alimentary canal thwarted
porcelain goddess battlecry
at least seventy two hour time span
lapsed whereby big boy wanted to cry
explaining how yours truly
felt he would die
an undertaking malaise

found me experiencing
physical duress vis a vis,
a bowel movement,
wherein waste unable to expel
from the **** of this guy,
which bout with ****** obstruction
found me doubled over
with lower abdominal distress
whereby comfort found me unable to lie
down nor sit upright

(with back padded with pillows
against the cellar brick wall),
thus severe bloating a bonus well nigh
and managed on a previous occasion
to muster the means to bare
frigid arctic vortex aire to purchase
the Acme brand Metamucil,
which akin to Drano doth ply
thru the excretory tract
supposedly loosening the stools

which optimism (product
didst earn claim to fame)
generated a sigh
if that expressed intent
to cease LivingSocial would try
humph enjoining lxiii
year old married male
to cede victory to the grim reaper,
who would vie
as winner de jure

to this common fellow invoking libretto
ohm resistant understudy
waste not want not
allowing, enabling and providing relief,
without successful defecation
despite the oppressive urge
to bolster this Uriah
heep of balled up and tuckered out
five foot and ten inches of lovely bones,
thence mouthing retraction

of former thought to cease existing
though a non-bull lever
in any power broker qua mankind
relief at long last
provided posterior answered prayer
yet, this wordsmith
scrutinizes his recurring
pain in the *** jagged torture
and asks a rhetorical
one word question "WHY"?

Well now... monumental
poetic challenge recap,
I now craftily abbreviate
(think clogged toilet
synonymous with blockage)
waste matter after days did accumulate
regarding ****** blockage to alleviate
thus imagine impossible
airy mission to defecate
which debilitating scenario

(mine) frequent accursed fate
frequently recurring more often
as yours truly ages
i.e. latter day saint
Matthew Scott got older
****** affliction compromised me
ordinary easy going demeanor to boot
disallowing, disenabling, and not permitting
me - effecting, emulating, and exhaling
Tony the tiger's catchword grrrrrreat

if queried about my constitution
when alas... absolute ecstasy found me
expelling bowel movement with effort
weighing approximately 0.71428571 stone
though relieved, nevertheless
the toilet bowl clogged,
prompting me to correct historical records
on two accounts despite
causing potential ruckus
disaster buffs may incriminate
nsync notion huge bowel movement

(mine) took down (analogous
voyage to bottom of sea) toto Lusitania
and actually additionally
caused separate incident
complex edifice (think Titanic)
both sturdy ships of state
former rendered, lifted, foundered...
latter purportedly crashing
into iceberg invariably causing
rising sea levels courtesy
melting glacier (size of Florida) weight.
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2018
kurwa,
                                  ale ziomb!

                                       because there's
not etymology
                   at this point

to counter-act slang,
                                            or make a slur...

everything's creaking,
rickety,
              adding an excess
of extra limbs...

               must be the invasion
of mice...

                 then it becomes
a case: you smell a rat?
          ever snuffed
       (i.e. burried you nose
in an animal)
                   comparatively,
a mole?
            dug a hole that
                    didn't lead to china?

             sometimes
it's all about filling a:

h                              o




l                               e

                and i don't like
sycophancy, as much as i don't
like "lazy" readers...

                       because at this
point, where do you place journalistic
efforts, toilet paper, ****,
and recycling garbage?

               somewhere on
                        the same spectrum?
once upon a time a man
read a book,
         now, now upon a time:
a man is reduced to reading
             critical articles...
                  
the world, ever so large,
      but ever so small...
      
                      was it ever a claim
to make it a: "leisure"
           of abstracting...
        that other format of arithmetic
and spelling?
                      
                two eyes sought nought,
but the one tongue spotted
   two, variable environments
of said: usage...
                 erosion of memory,
            imbedded in the said,
and the seen, being polarised...
    
          Hegel robbed Kant
on the progeny of instituting
      a thesis & antithesis...
         i'm a person who has more
attention invested
    in a dictionary and a thesaurus
as the secular
   aversion to the quran and
                                       the hadith...

                   i too owned a surname,
synonymous with suppository,
                        
                 but other than that:

what is abstract "thinking",
            or rather: "abstract" thinking?      
  it's not really thinking at all...
        it's merely an example
of space per se, experiencing
                a claustrophobia
        inside a shrinking mechanism...

and yet the music plays,
            the birds chirp,
                  the categorical impetus is
active, disregarding any imperative
that might be worth reminding...

          a clamouring of body onto body,
man competing with god
over an everest,
                 by climb and architecture
at giza...
                          
       the loving heart of doubt,
              and the stone tomb of denial.

while it really is a case of
             etymology contra darwinism,
         one focuses on structure,
the other, on form...
                     which still leads to
           a down-the-middle status quo;
but apart from heidegger's dasein...
    a child playing artful-dodger
with a plastic puppet is pretty much
the same...
                 or what the english
translation is, i.e.          world-view...

            there will always be two
origin stories...
                             whereby darwinism
will claim form, while
           etymology will claim structure...
but as i've seen...
        darwinism has lost the form
argument, and crept into
                      structure...
            obviously: because a chimp does
it, it simply erases
the ontology of man,
  puts human history into a shoebox
          and wallah! a meteor hit the earth.

etymology as least, doesn't have
a name of the person
who first exclaimed: beer!

          and that **** is chilling outside
my window right now,
        once the whiskey sharpshooter
is finished,
                   well... that bottle is next.
Ryan O'Leary Aug 2018
American Pastor 'n Turkey
with "Brunson Pickle" and a
generous dousing of lubrication
by means of Greece, because,
Donny T said that he is not going
to take this sitting down, so we can
but assume that he is willing to opt for
a suppository, by ****** administration.
Ryan O'Leary Mar 2019
From the eaves with no L
gutters full of votes by those
who wished to vacate, are being
forced via the down pipe into
the stormwater drain where it
teams up with the main sewer
en route to the treatment plant
at which point they become
effluent and finally discharged
into the river, never to be seen
or heard of again because Brexit
was a **** that could not be passed,
therefore a laxative was necessary
by means of a national suppository
administered in 2016 but due to the
backstop, it is only now showing
signs of a run or even a Royal Flush.
John Dewberry Feb 2020
Denial
Is the wine you drink
When youre hungover
From reality

Denial is the ******
We indulge in
When we feel we’ve lost
Ourselves

Denial is the hemorrhoid of
Emotions
Sore to feel
When real
Impossible to heal
Without the suppository
That is time
John Dewberry Feb 2020
Denial
Is the wine you drink
When youre hungover
From reality

Denial is the ******
We indulge in
When we feel we’ve lost
Ourselves

Denial is the hemorrhoid of
Emotions
Sore to feel
When real
Impossible to heal
Without the suppository
That is time
Ryan O'Leary May 2020
If humans were meant to be
carnivores then haemorrhoids,
constipation, suppositories or
****** laxatives would never
have needed to be invented.

Animal protein is an articulated
truck in a narrow windy country road
where herbivore grass is growing
up the centre like a crease in groomed
hair, going to to a baby's christening.

Sometimes adventurous bovines
that have heard about greener pastures
the other side of the fence, end up
grazing between the hedge rows,
thus bringing the lorry to a halt.

No amount of shooing or even mooing
is going to shift the blockage and there
is no way round it neither, a pile up
occurs as more traffic arrives along the
single lane road with no lay by.

It is almost as if the driver has taken
his load into a Cul de Sac, cursing and
swearing ensues and there is no hope
of reversing, this is a full on pile up
while meanwhile the cow chews the cud.

This call for GPS, some sort of assisted
space suppository guided system via
satellite instruction from head office
where the load was initially discharged
to locate a drover to solve the impasse.

Once the obstacle has been herded, the
bowel begins a snail pace all the time
watching through the windscreen at the
phenomenon of a an animal ******* and
walking at the same time, it's amazing.

Mind you, vegans and vegetarians can
almost do that, but have you ever listened
to Carnivores grunt in public cubicles or
have you ever taken note of how little time
vegetarians take to evacuate the windy road?


Ps.

And no splash!

— The End —