"spontaneousness" poems
I find your strength within your weakness,
and your spontaneousness stutters in the melody of your lisps.
I find the power in your unspoken favorite flavor,
and the taste leaks from a puncture of your unconscious gesture.
I find your pain in the discourse of your taciturn glance,
and your fear preserved with the muscles of your midnight beard.
I find a lot in the nothingness in your insolvent pocket,
I find joy, glamour and an ignited cello.
Jul 3, 2014
Jul 3, 2014 at 3:03 PM UTC
How many more thoughts until you make your next move?
How many pros and cons?
How long should you decide to decide?
Let be and stop killing the great spontaneousness of life
Only then can you truly understand the good and bad
Be great but with many hard times
Be unique but with much resentment from others
This life is set in such a way where it is better than any dream you could have
Only here can you be close to death but feel more alive
To lose everything then gain everything
To be a the person you think about everyday right now
A whole infinite journey...
Just for you
Dec 12, 2013
Dec 12, 2013 at 11:56 PM UTC
I'm living the same day over and over.
The same slights and conversations
I miss your spontaneousness
Every day tires me and steals my passion
I was a goddess of energy and care with you
I really don't know how long has gone by
All my days mend together and clash
My spirit is dead and my eyes are closed
You always had me on my toes
I miss your eyes, deep brown with a twinkle of a lie
You made me feel like I was beautiful
Every day is the same, horrible, dead day
I miss the life you filled me with
I feel like I'm stuck on an endless loop of punishment
I need you back in my life
Sep 12, 2017
Sep 12, 2017 at 8:59 PM UTC
*i always thought that between life and death
i'd wake into one of my dreams...
the last dream i had, i was on an oil tanker,
and the sea was raging, waves as tall as colossus
of rhodes, feeding every tilt every turn,
waves as tall as the colossus of rhodes...
i'd rather die and sleep, than wake in one of these dreams.*
i woke and remembered
there was no whiskey left,
and realised i was to pull
through the night on will
alone, a few hours prior
i was sitting in a depth of
forest that allowed me to peer
into a street of passing traffic,
i started to sniff autumnal
leaves fallen, took to a young
tree and broke it in half,
peering at the scythe moon
encircling a fading globe of its fullest
example in between the extending
birch synapse oases, skeletons
of never attached to tendons and muscle,
if it sounds beautiful, it isn't,
there in the forest, the night,
the decaying scent of leaves...
i don't even think it's today, or yesterday,
or tomorrow, i think it's a never,
but it still happened,
but of course there's the rubric of
memorising a "distinguishable" monday,
when there isn't one, whether it's the month
of may or the month of march,
whether a digitalised two-thousand something
anno domini or preceding centuries of quote:
the dark ages, the renaissance, romanticism,
existentialism, don quixote all alone,
and something about chaucer the believer of
Alfred, the only mythical king of england /
i.e. only a few people deserve the logic of myth,
extending far into the abyss of time,
akin to the other logic (theology), which is
reserved for gods... who always seem to argue
their whereabouts with epileptic blinding spontaneousness:
just so someone can gain wealth by the non-existent argument.
Feb 10, 2016
Feb 10, 2016 at 6:33 PM UTC
Dear baby,
It’s not you
It’s me.
The same thing I said to
All your potential fathers,
Which resulted in an irreversible fate.
A fate that affects us both.
Your fate being,
That you’ll never take a breath.
My fate being,
A life of fun and spontaneousness,
With the price of you.
Dear baby,
I promise it’s easier this way.
I stay in my place,
You stay in yours.
You’re safer far away from me.
You won’t be safe with me,
Not even tucked away deep inside my womb,
Like a warm blanket full of love and prosperity.
But dear baby,
My sweet dear baby,
You would never love me.
You would be trapped in a world of constant movement,
Instability,
A mother who cannot keep her **** together,
Crying on the bathroom floor until 3 in the morning,
And you will sit outside the door until we both fall asleep,
Separated by a wall and my own misery.
Most mothers pass down to their children heirlooms,
Diamond rings,
A bank full of money.
The only thing I can leave you, baby,
Is misery,
One good shot at possible redemption,
And a **** good idea for a book you might write
Based on your mess of a Mother.
My dear, sweet baby.
I love you,
But not in the way that you need.
Maybe someday I will wish we’d met,
And I’ll dream of what you might’ve looked like,
And how wonderful it must feel
To snuggle you close, back into the warmth of my embrace,
Like that blanket of love and prosperity.
But baby,
You can’t prosper here.
It’s not safe here.
This house is not a home.
What right do I have to give you a name
When I can’t even decide on a Starbucks order.
I call you my baby,
But you’re not mine.
You belong to someone else.
It is worth it,
Sacrificing whatever pure happiness
Everyone is always bragging about,
If it means I give you what’s best.
And I am not the best.
Feb 5, 2020
Feb 5, 2020 at 4:47 PM UTC
sometimes, i stop kidding myself and i look up at the blank ceiling.
on these nights i let my mind wander, i think back to all of the memories i have repressed; the good, the bad, the ones i try hardest to forget.
and it is on these nights that i truly immerse myself into the child i once was — the lonely child who was constantly ridiculed and betrayed by those she loved most.
i think back to when i was happy, or to when i thought i was happy.
flashes of brightness, smiles and laughter.
fake.
like him.
for how could i forget how he made me feel, and how i thought he felt the same?
he was like a storm, a whirlwind of spontaneousness and raw emotion; but truly like a storm, he wreaked havoc and destroyed everything in his path.
me.
i open my eyes, my bloodshot eyes, and remember why i became this way.
i got lost in the storm.
Oct 29, 2018
Oct 29, 2018 at 11:48 PM UTC