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English Jam May 2018
Boredom on a Sunday is inescapable
I try to hide it behind playing my musical instrument
Trumpeting with my trumpet - blowing my own horn -
I'm praying no one interprets that last sentence as an innuendo
Anyway, I'm nodding off, signing out of reality
The world goes hazy in a second
And I'm ****** into the vortex of a dream

Weird how when a dream begins, we immediately understand the situation
For this scene, I'm spewing blood from my spleen like a bottle of sauce squeezed too hard
It stains the leather of my vehicle
My foot is pressing the pedal to the floor, and the speedometer is twinged in half from all the pressure
The monolith of a highway I'm speeding on shakes as though giants stomp upon it
And the wail of a siren drives me into a frenzy as I try to escape the inevitable
Their polychromatic lights dance at the edges of my eyes, spurring rhythm into action
Even though they must be aeons behind, my heart melodramatically pumps in my chest as though the police are in the backseat
Blood bursting through my temple, thoughts wheezing by like someone's let go of hundreds of balloons  
Up ahead, the road twists itself into a knot of nothingness
My hands are wrapped around the steering wheel so tightly, I fear I might never be able to release them
It's a slight movement: right hand goes down, left goes up, but it kicks the vehicle sideways
My body slams into the car with a satisfying crunch and my mind spirals to spaghetti strands
Oddly enough, the world becomes rinsed with blue wash and I'm underwater

My train of thought becomes peaceful, melodic
I float about, running on the inverse of the waves
Here, even a scream is joyous as it sounds all bubbly and childish
Suddenly, a red streak runs across the ocean, chilling me to the bone and erasing all my bubbles
The sea becomes glittered with red and blue streaks, a warning
Bullets stab at my spleen, reminding me of the pain that was, and still is
And my body gears into a full 360, concluding my return to the real world
Or is it the dream world?
Oh well
Either way, I'm back in my car
Carelessly freefalling from nowhere
Weapons, glass, blood droplets, pocket change, pedestrians...all breeze around slowly
Pleading with me to wake up
Then

Everything crumbles, and I smack my ugly head against the window, splattering my brains everywhere
My car flew from the sudden turn and I crashed, I think
Now I lay, grasping onto consciousness while pedagogues staple me to the ground
The Lawman towers over me, grinning madly at my defeat
The most barbaric insult, however, comes from the radio, still magically working
"I fought the law and the law won," The Clash idly sing
One of my favourite songs turned into dark irony
The last I remember before blacking out is the scarlet and marine lights clashing forevermore

When I wake up, I'm face-down on the stony and icy floor
The cold burns me enough to wake me from la la land
The iron grip of the handcuffs feels very real
Words are forced into my head, not by my own design, but sort of like they've been placed there
An argument as to whether existence has a meaning is taking place in my head, and I can't stop it
Sort of like how in a dream, you can't control your thoughts or actions
Wait
This is still a dream, right?
Right?
vircapio gale May 2013
pollen rots,
faintly wafts increasing death
in an otherwise vacant Spring breeze.
the memories of bees buzz.

melodramatically,
i add a spoon of honey to my coffee.
it isn't fair trade.
neither is the milk..fair trade milk?

40 multicultural minds
hexagonal attuned:
the IPI begins to gather
in consilience
some further future data,
worked together for a whole new picture-
target for debunkers touting
benefits of pesticides,
ultra-gene manipulation patenting,
cross-pollinating property.

i am a bland dismissal too,
not just touchy-feely rage at rampant death
upon death, on death, death after death..
for 'death has always been common' right...
as i sit here, sipping sweet and sour coffee
not quite awake




.
IPI: International Pollinator Initiative

http://www.ceh.ac.uk/news/news_archive/multiple-pressures-cocktail-pollinators_2013_26.html
http://www.internationalpollinatorsinitiative.org
http://www.internationalpollinatorsinitiative.org/uploads/Pesticides_web_file.pdf

my mood perhaps finds an antidote in recent news (discovered after writing):
http://www.independent.co.uk/environment/nature/victory-for-bees-as-european-union-bans-neonicotinoid-pesticides-blamed-for-destroying-bee-population-8595408.html
Aaron LaLux Jun 2016
The slap stings more than it probably should,
scratch that like a cat’s scratch on the back of a mattress,
the slap stings more than I thought it would,
because it was a surprise that was deserved but not expected,

and as she tries to explain herself,
with tears streaming down her cheeks and loving anger in her eyes,
I begin to think what every abused person forever thinks,
maybe I deserved it…

She’s small,
petite,
physically unthreatening,
but emotionally a serious liability,
like a stealth bomber,
aeronautically beautiful,
but destructively deadly,
a suicidal **** savage,
a carcinogenic princess,

she is,
small,
petite,
as cute as she is hard headed,
stubborn trouble that’s hard to argue with,

so I don’t argue,
instead of engage I ignore,
silence can be more of an insult,
than even the worst words ever are,
when words are replaced,
with the silence of space,
all kinds of assumptions and truths can occur,

so I don’t argue,
I don’t debate or retaliate,
I just politely remove myself,
from this situation when it escalates.

See,
I’ve been in abusive relationships in the past,
and the bones of the skeletons in my closet,
barely rest buried just below the surface,

and that slap,

that fckn slap,
almost awoke the demons,
so loud it almost disturbed the devil,
it almost brought about a most unholy resurrection,

that slap,

was like a shovel digging into the dirt in a graveyard,
almost uncovering the sinful skeleton bones buried just below the surface…

But I refuse,
to let this hysterically temperamental gorgeous Gravedigger,
unearth a past that's sentimentally painful and totally traumatic,
and even though I’m unnerved by the slap because that slap hurt,
I refuse to give in to her drama and become all melodramatically dramatic.

See,

she’s sweet as Halloween treats,
at the same time still bitingly bitter and distasteful,
so instead of engaging in here arguments,
I remove myself and my emotions from her Self that’s so ungrateful,
she calls me a player and a **** but I find that her labels are mislabeled,
so no I don’t give in to her taunts I refuse to engage in something so shameful,

instead of engaging,
I leave her alone with her tears,
I exit out the balcony,
and make my way down the stairs,
I take myself to the ocean,
walking barefooted along the path,
I am not responsible for her heart,
so I refuse to endure her wrath,

see,

domestic abuse hurst both,
the abuser and the abused,
especially when the two are in love,
and they are all out of options to choose,

there’s a very thin line between love and hate,
and those dividing lines can sometimes fade,
mistakes can be made good intentions misplaced,
a kiss on the check and a held hand can turn into a slap in the face!

The slap stings more than it probably should,
scratch that like a cat’s scratch on the back of a mattress,
the slap stings more than I thought it would,
because it was a surprise that was deserved but not expected,

feeling rejected,
and disconnected,
feeling both affected,
and disaffected,

I exit,

I exit the bungalow,
and ascend down the winding staircase,
I get outside and get away from there,
staring out into star lit space,

I breathe,
and think,
fresh air is so underrated,
I see my favorite star,
thanking me because I made it,
twinkling vibrantly she has me sedated,
not the girl,
but the star,
she is such a seductress,
shining in such radiant hues of electric light,
she twinkles vibrantly and violently,
she does not go gently into that good night,
she is the good in a good night,
twinkling vibrantly as other stars shoot across the Night's sky,

she rages against the dying light,
and I give thanks that I am still alive.

I walk,

barefoot and bare chested,
down to the beach,
where the dry desert sands of southern Baja,
meet the wet ocean waters of the Pacific,

bottle of wine in one hand,
book and pen in the other,

I marvel at the stars,
and remember that I am never really alone,
for as long as I can see the sky,
I’ll always see the way to get back home.

The constellations are stellar interpretations,
maps to guide us home to our final destination.


I arrive,
at the beach,
several shooting stars later,
and wash away the ache on my face and in my heart,
with waves on my feet and wine in my throat,
I record some more emotions on this paper,
because poetry is my form of emotional art,

and by the light of the full moon,
I write for as long as I can write,
my pains won’t be in vain,
and everything will be worth it even what happened tonight,

I will take all of our collective abuses,
and place them on these papers,
transforming them from form to thought,
then from thought to words on these papers,

I will take all of our collective abuses,
process and translate them into messages to be read,
I will take all of our collective abuses,
and process them through the headaches in my head,
so hopefully these messages,
will help others who have been or are being abused stand strong,
and hopefully these messages,
will help others who abuse or have abused realize that they are wrong,
because at the end of the day what we can say to relate,
is it’s all about love and hate it’s not all about right and wrong.

And just as I lose hope,
and ethereal angel appears,
wearing a white linen robe,
looking like a ghost holding laughter and tears,

she sits next to me,
here on the sands,
and takes the warm bottle of wine,
from my cold still writing hands,

she observes as I finish,
writing these last few lines,
she watches me with interest,
as if she can read my mind,

and she smiles even though it’s a painful world,
because she knows we’re both survivors so we will survive,
and she knows we’re both riders so we’re always ready to ride,
and we both shine way too bright to ever be able to hide,

and then we make love,
our passions rising along with the tide,
and maybe that’s why the girl back at the bungalow slapped me,
because she was mixed up with hurt feelings and hurt pride,
she was frustrated that she loved me but that here love was not enough,
but what am I to do I can not control how my heart feels or even control myself.

I hurt her,
so she slapped me,
and I guess that’s fair,
though maybe not exactly,
either way I care too much to care,
and either way that **** slap kinda stings,

even when I know it’s deserved…

The slap stings more than it probably should,
scratch that like a cat’s scratch on the back of a mattress,
the slap stings more than I thought it would,
because it was a surprise that was deserved but not expected…

– ∆  Aaron La Lux ∆ –

'The City of Fallen Angels'; available worldwide 7/7/16


ouch! I probably deserved it...
Anna Christine May 2012
Empty blankets
Closed eyes, a dead world
My dreams have been pulled away
by too many hands
a fictional statement
I wish you would close your eyes too
Let your soul dance, alone
I’m in reminiscence
a place you will never know
and I can tell, by your wounded eyes
You don’t believe in lies.
Living in a fairytale, where money is an illusion
where want is a hunger
and where pain is in decay
Where dolls are not meant to be thrown away
Keep your childhood, dear.
Let’s play a game
Let’s pretend we are the same
Lying in the space, between day and night
half sick of lonely shadows
Let me see the stars.
feel the cold wind, touch the sky.
Easy to contemplate a why
He thinks the same of me, like the other girls.
The curse fits, dear Lady of Shalott.
Death is the new survival,
and I open my eyes in a world that’s alive.
I don’t know what the visions in my head means
It’s all a little bit dearanged -You must think I’m strange
This is not your mission
Yet, you choose it anyway
I wonder how the view is from there
I think you were wrong about me
like a world not turning,
or a snowstorm burning
a siren singing your lullaby.
A crowded desert,
Closed eyes, a dead world.
A tainted dream, melodramatically laid
arubybluebird Jan 2015
I am going to pretend
That I have never heard what you are telling me
That way you aren't telling me
Something I already know

Last night I wept for you on the A train
Melodramatically, in my mind

You were holding her hand
Pressing her sadness against your baked skin
So that she might feel a little better
And oh, how she did

How you made her forget
If even for a little while
The image of his eyes from her mind
By looking into yours

But I can still see it through mine
And her
And you
And him
And these words

Betray me
Run me over
Make me sick
mike dm Aug 2016
Procrastination is the fundamental definition of what it means to be human.

Reality isn't patterns of phenomena perceived as such in accurate fashion; it's a collection of loosely coupled mind hacks that cut corners around certain blargh redundancies that need not apply. why? in order to create create create.

This is true fitness, in evolutionary terms:

to out-lazy Neanderthal, and in doing so grow an imagination which could then - by simply lying down in the grass and gazing up at that lingering monochrome blue sky, with cicadas thrumming, smells of summer bursting saccharine - engage the senses at a glance; and without even knowing it, effortlessly bring about the very notion of the wheel, or fire or propulsion systems of rocketry that will bring us home, from scar to star again.

Luxuriating in the elimination of the quotidian reasserts the ability to imagine something other, something stranger, something so utterly complex that it squares itself and leaps exponentially forward like weird origami in pirouetted flux.. You know that feeling when you surprise yourself and do something epic? That. This is novelty at its finest. This is not just another life living. This is worth rolling out of bed for. That is worth the thousands small paper cuts wielded by -their- ordinary.

.. Of course, this hypothesis is completely bias, because I am almost pathologically procrastinatory. I'd rather write or space out or listen to a YouTube lecture on tree consciousness or supersymmetry or whatever..

The usual day without hiccup bores me to death; no, it scares me to the point of whispering death wishes out into the ether. I fear it like nothing else. Tasks? No. Obligations? Noooope. Running errands? How about I melodramatically run this sword through me first? I'm exaggerating of course, but kinda not really that much.

I'm horribly afraid of being known through and through, made simple, like an amoeba microscoped or a god put in a book. I'd rather not be reduced to maintaining widgets for the financial suits who rock cuff links which eclipse the GDP of Somalia, thanks.

I feel like bliss -is- somewhere out there in the void, like a blank white page with a blinking indigo cursor, full of potential, just waiting to be written on; rather than some subject of some religion or some subject of some state, waiting to be written down.

I feel like there's so much work to be undone, and so little infinity.
Andrew Rueter Jun 2019
I'm sad and I don't know why
Could it be that I steal and lie?
I say it's what I do to get by
While I still think I'm right
So I still need an explanation
For this depression's duration
I give my mind placation
With useless information
Which gives me frustration
While I yearn for elation

I put the focus on my brain chemistry
So people won't think less of me
For not living blessedly
From the lessons seen
That I ignored indeed
Like my aborted dreams
That were thwarted into steam
Once I found my neurological stream
Could take the blame for all that I've been

I have low serotonin
I have low dopamine
I feel the power of Odin
Choking me
And I can't see
Through the freeze
Of countless needs
That are unwatered seeds

I'm depressed
I'm bipolar
I regress
Into disorders
I use to put up borders
Or beg for quarters

A new age way
Of shirking my responsibility
I am my brain
I must own the emotions filling me
If I want to escape depression willingly
I must face it head-on until I'm free
But I don't follow those who lead
So I continue to be
Depressing

I ignore finding purpose
Or answering a calling
My only searches
Are for pills falling
Off the doctor's dolly

What's in my mental
Makes me special
But I'm disheveled
So I befriend the devil
On this lonely level
Where I solemnly settle

I think other people are lying
About how much they're crying
Because they seem like they're trying
While all I'm doing is sighing
At their pain I'm denying

The more people diagnosed with depression
The less of an individual it makes me
So I rationalize they haven't learned a lesson
And lives I'd love to be trading
Because all I'm doing is skating
While giving others' lives ratings
Comparing them to my rabies
I'm melodramatically exacerbating

Other people transform
I stick to the norm
Convinced I'm deformed
Not from the storm
But from when I was born

I want your sympathy
Not your help
Any advice you give to me
I'll put on the shelf
Sarcastically saying "Thanks I'm cured"
Because I think my negativity is truer
Than anything newer
Like your positivity
I rebuffed unwittingly
Because I'm miserable
And can't handle the truth
So it hurts so visceral
When you call me uncouth
But I'm not a sleuth
So I blame it all on youth
And the rest of your troops
Separated from my toxic loop

So I isolate myself
And get depressed even more
I blame my mental health
As I fall short of the shore
With opportunities galore
Yet all I can do is snore
And think of who I was before
Modern psychology implored
A brain chemistry war
Sophia Granada Jul 2016
I loved being me,
I liked knowing where the boundaries
Between myself and others were.
Lord Apollo has no boundaries,
Especially not with women.
Can you blame me for running from him?
Big game hunter,
Bright like the sun,
Widely praised as having
The most fabulous hair?
When he met me, he said
"I'm Apollo,"
And that's it.
He looked at me expectantly,
I barely knew what he wanted.
He was trying to bleed over into me,
And I'm not into that.
Yeah he knows what people think of him,
And he agrees,
And I don't know if I want
To hang out
With people who don't know others' worth
As well as their own.
Lord Apollo doesn't,
Cause he's chasing me like I'm a deer,
Worth a trophy,
Like the ones that line Zeus' banquet hall.
No thanks,
I'll have no part of
Motionlessly
Watching over others' happiness
For eternity.
He's still behind me when I turn to look back,
And he keeps shouting out the name of love,
But it's Ares' eyes,
Not Aphrodites',
That I see leering at me through the trees.
This isn't courting,
This is a War of Attrition.
He'll chase and he'll chase even if,
At the end,
He'll only have caught up to my dead body,
Stretched out in exhaustion,
Tongue lolling out.
No matter, he'll just
Hoist me up by the antlers
And take a picture.
I call out to my father,
Because who else do we trust to
Run off our unwelcome suitors?
He says there's little he can do
To curb the lust of a man who so outranks him.
Because that's all that matters among men, right?
So I say "what's the little you can do?"
And he says,
"Fight fire not with fire,
But with the things that grow plants:
Water, time, and patience."
And I feel a seed sprout in my stomach.
Yes!
Trees are notoriously unfuckable!
I still have to outrun Apollo for a little while,
But the transformation is already starting,
And what's a better way to evade ****,
Than  just not being a woman?
It's getting hard to run,
My lungs are already wooden,
And when my knees bend, they creak.
I have to stop now or I'll certainly crack and break,
But it feels lovely to take root,
Feet pushing down into the soil and
Becoming feet no more.
Oh, but here comes Apollo,
And he melodramatically sighs,
"Oh! To behold the transformation that now
Ends your lovely life!"
What a stupid person,
I'm not ending,
I'm becoming.
He's finally caught me,
And for a few seconds,
Flesh touches flesh,
But, thankfully,
I become a tree before he can get a ***** in.
I settle into the bark walls I have made part of myself,
And get ready to eat sunlight for a near eternity.
If I still had a face, it would be smiling,
That is,
Until Lord Apollo,
His most highly unsubtle deer-mangler,
Rips a ******* limb off of me.
Now my consciousness is split
Between myself the tree,
And myself, the laurel wreath trophy,
Which Lord Apollo wears,
And Heroes, in his name, wear.
Oh, I should have known that to
Him
And men like him,
Whether I was a woman or a tree did not matter,
They only wanted to use me,
And they were Hellbound to find a way.
Skyler M Feb 2018
Feeling like making something but you can't come up with anything at all.
Your brain is going haywire to find something to do,
Creativity has lost it's capabilities and you're rehabilitated,
Time goes so much slower and the clock is moving on it's own dime,
Feels like you could drown yourself in blank white walls and stale chips.

Boredom is the word you know and hate,
Thinking of simpler times,
When you could find fun in a rock by the creek.
Boredom is the word you know and hate.

Wishing that you had a gun to shoot up the toilet for a good time,
You've got cobwebs in your brain hole and you're not feeling up to ****,
Instead you'll just sit on the floor and melodramatically cry,

Boredom is the word you know and hate,
Thinking of simpler times,
When you could find fun in a rock by the creek.
Boredom is the word you know and hate.
Camilla Peeters Jun 2018
and always the wild cheers
and always the new flushes of neo-bubbles the golden
spritz the extravaganza the flow the flush again the flush the witch

if only the dark brew the clear foam of necks scaled and breaks-evens
if only four miles without eye's sighs and brown leaves of life crumpled under gloved feet the feast blaming jupiter for everything

so the plain thigh calls out dedramatise me lip my inner skin
so turnover your glass nose stiff mouth bloodshot shin it’s partaking
at one to five in the morning should bed’s seconds allow it

so i am wondering do you ever think of me
if only in shifted night vision wine-blurred mind drifting
and always a little bit melodramatically nostalgically charged, lovely
to balance it out
Love is made of art and brokenness
Like a candle it illuminates the heart's darkness
We are bearing seeds of tiny metal particles
As if we were made from diamonds
And also some dusty old articles

We are often lonely and rather lustful of our neighbors
And so full of distrust that we sometimes envision
That perfection was indeed a poisonous arrow to begin with
And our sorrow is so desperate to be touched
That we are quite glad to confess our collective unrest
Both today and again tomorrow, if you'd really like us too

And tonight i will beg for you to bless me
And if we are alive I know that you'll caress me
You are wise yet also young and beautiful
With a sultry body and a voice that's in between **** and whiny
When your luscious mouth pouts its quite beyond the ordinary
And even if there are some other girls out there
That some people would say are rather more inviting

For though our love is but tiny specks of lightning
Its impossible to assume that we're making
A rather large show out of nothing
You see we are really melodramatically quite intact
Like abstract paintings positioned a little too precisely
Our trimmed and trembling figures
Have been financed by constant neglect more than adequately
So we attract the attention of only the most deplorable of agents
Yet thankfully due to our full and constant immersions in urgency
We are still flourishing in the graveyards and basements categories
And have you heard of the band, The Entitled Undead
I expect they may become a permanent collective in your head someday

Please correct me if I'm wrong
But I know I’ve heard you sing this song before
And I adore the morning's silent symphony
When hundreds of bees are as bright
As a canopy of sunflowers
Leaning into the trees like fallen buffalo
We dream of Navajo sunsets
And isolated islands embedded
In a sea of convulsive incoherence

— The End —