What if words never come to me again?
like they came when I was
idontknow
different

What if I never feel like me again?
they way I was when hell yes
Of Course I was the best at being
idontknow
Different

What if i get lonely again?
the lonely i get when they sky is too dark
and the air stagnant
I don't like the way it feels--so
idontknow
  different

What is it about you that got me like this?
Was it your smile?
Was it your laugh?
Was it your eyes?
Was it your lips?
I don't know how
But somewhere along the way...
i
        f
                e
                        l
                                 *l

Sometimes
i feel as if
my thoughts
eat me
alive,
as if
they are tearing
apart
grey matter,
popping
brain cells
like pills,
getting high
off me
and the nights
i can't sleep
and the nights
i lie awake
and the nights
i am alone
and the nights
i am too quiet
as my
thoughts
throw extravagant parties
behind my forehead
and invite all their friends,
who bring their friends
and their friends
until my head
is a head
of raging thoughts
that dontcantwont sleep
so that
i dontcantwont sleep.
They keep
knocking, banging my skull with their fists
they keep
pounding, bashing my head with their screams
they keep
my eyes open
so that i can watch the floorboards creaking
so that i can hear the shadows pirouetting off my wall
so that i can smell the rustling in the darkness
as if i am the one ecstatically covering myself in angel dust
and not my thoughts
as if i am the one speedballing too fast, too fast, slow down
and not my thoughts
as if i am the one flying, crashing, idontknow, too fast, too fast, slow down
and not my thoughts.
They won't let me sleep
Just let me sleep
let me sleep
and you can
tear apart
all the gray matter
you want
and you can
pop
my brain cells
like pills
but
just
let me sleep
let me sleep
Just let me sleep

please.

idontknow

Slipping,seeping,it pours out of me.
A black hole, i find myself sinking into.
I watch and i wait for you to pick me up and tell me everything will be okay.
Aim for perfection, I lost my direction;
I need your help.
The black hole, it opens up and it calls out to me.
I cover it up and seal it shut, maybe then it can't grab me.
I don't want to fall in again, black seeps through the cracks, trying to reach me.
If I love your darkness, but hate mine; what does that make me

The rain makes you look so
pretty. The way you hold your
head like a cocked crane, but
slightly. Always looking up at me even
though you're taller. idontknow how you did it.
But you managed me
exactly when I wouldn't let you.

what waits beyond the edge of a light(idontknow)
there is not a sound but
there is a very fine forest
where a crow is gently
a river is sleeping
and silver through all the trees is dancing