"heartattack" poems
Jealousy
Is hell
Because I do not enjoy
Myself,
And well
I enjoy all of you-
You
With your smooth moves
Perky and peachy attitudes
Teach me
To be as sweet
As you-
Beautiful
Can be cruel
Not like it is on tv,
Or beside me
Everyone shining,
Smiling,
While my smile feels
Like hiding
Under this wax mask
A painted canvus
Of pale and black
Don't look at me
I'm a heartattack
A bad act-
Broken glass
Of a painted doll
I am a leo lioness
Right?
Righteous-
Your hieness
Sparkles on my eyelids
But you see
I have enough pride
To hide it-
Its priceless,
Really hillarious
Sometimes I feel
Like a bad *****
But I'm none of this
I am the pray,
The gazelle in the grass
But I am also the lion
Waiting to attack myself
Because you see,
Jealousy
Is hell,
I am the lion
I am the gazelle
I am heaven and hell
In a vessle of myself
See what you will,
Your critiques are nothing
My only enemy is me
My only savior is me
I am a lion
But I am also
A sheep
Don't look at me
Sometimes I cry in the mirror
Blink my mascara tears,
Blurry mess-
Can't fit in my old dresses
Tearing apart at the seams,
Literally
Filthy
Famish
Crawled out of my skin
And made some bad habits
Declining wealth
Declining health
Laughing as the scales tip-
After all I am a person,
Not permanent
Why should I care
Oh,
But I do
I do when I look at you
You with your talented hands
With your spider lashes
And good moods
Teach me to feel
As good
As you
My lipstick smears and screams
As the paintings on my face mock me
So will my body,
My body thats bruised
And missused
Perfume to cover the *****
They'll see my cherry lips move
But they won't hear me talking
Its perfect,
The mask of confidence
My incompetence
Is a perfect fit
No, really
Its lovely
When I wear it,
People love me!
Because people think
I love myself
No
Jealousy
Is hell,
Beacuse I do not
Love myself
I love everybody else,
Even the ones who
Say I am full of it,
Selfish leo,
Selfish lion
Exaggerated ego-
Winking eyelids
Sparkle,
Wings to my forehead-
I flaunt
What I don't want,
Because you want me to
You want me
To love me
Like you do
All of you
I remember the words
From my mother,
Jealousy
Is not a pretty color-
Its crimson red,
Exposed
Like blood,
I've had to sew it up
No-
Don't look here
Not at my guts,
Look at my eyelids
Are these not enough?!?!
These cherry lips
Tell you to sush
Less of a lioness,
More of a cub
I know
I am my own predator
My own pray
I am
All of the above
Oct 29, 2018
Oct 29, 2018 at 3:38 PM UTC
PER NOCTEM IN NIHILO VEHI
( TO VANISH BY NIGHT INTO NOTHING )
my death approached me
but: went on by without
recognising it was I...
i hid in the filthy alley
of a passing hour
Death now furiously searching for me
no...Here: here
no...There: there - either
this tiny piece of time
the once and once
only
but Mr. Death had missed the moment
had to return empty handed
I finding myself madly in love with
the next second. . .
****
Mr. Death elects to speak in Latin...thinks it gives him a certain je ne sais quoi...
It's always great to cheat Mr. Death and his henchman Mr. Heartattack. I swore to myself that I would love the next second with all my heart!
May 14, 2017
May 14, 2017 at 2:52 PM UTC
painted frowns on the sunday town
peddling backwards on the underground
sinking slander
thunder-strikes that planned her
slap up shower towel
bloom-faced scowl
kissing kissing kissing i turn my eyes down
beautiful sunlight
road sign canvas
hunger and caffeine fix
walking towards to busier stores
oxford street in the middle of october
remembering my birthday wasn't just for me
relaxing on the submarine
escalator down blue and brown
blue change to black
southern bound
dishwasher sandwich
tea cup bandage
the simple and effective afternoon
bound by thought posts
wandering from my host
tormenting and enlightening
silence and the noise she keeps
playground heartattack
softly spoken words are back
forget to smile on sunday
higher in the afternoon
monday brings a chorus swoon
bluejay on the roof above
sinking in slumber of my forgotten ...
what you did is yesterday
let go of that and this moment underway
forgive forgive forgive and sigh
smile upstairs and wave yourself bye
all i want is to see is myself through my mothers eyes
Feb 14, 2012
Feb 14, 2012 at 5:42 PM UTC
A bat of the eyes, a flick of the wrist,
a ruffle of sleeve, a daydream,
a heartattack kiss and
I'm gone, no time to grieve--
all the leaves of prose and bad poetry,
perhaps you'll remember me-
during those halcyon afternoons,
when the coffee brews,
distant church bells ring out
a panhandler's tune no one can sing to,
but we used to dance it through
in damp clothes and into dark rooms--
a life lost in desperate minutes,
forbidden fruits and daggers of knowledge
were all we could taste, feel in the midst
of the misery in simply existing,
and woman you're free to rise above me,
stare from the balcony,
while I reenact a lifetime of sin
on a half-lit stage, far from the lilac's bloom,
never will I dress as a groom,
nor will I sleep under the same moon,
that was miles ago, summers away from here,
a mythical love taken to sea,
oh, it's easy to miss what never could be.
Feb 23, 2011
Feb 23, 2011 at 11:08 AM UTC
Her hands were so sticky and started to swell
Ugly, red, burgeoning paddles
convulsion nervously at her sides and then at her mouth as she held back a whimper
(The neighbors were still fighting
so no one would have heard anyway.)
Anyway
Her eyes bulged
as heart heart felt heavy, then light again, then heavy
When her eyes began to swim, she tried
she did
she tried to get to a telephone
but instead she collapsed
like an egg from the carton
and laid there
until the neighbors stopped fighting.
Jun 19, 2013
Jun 19, 2013 at 8:15 AM UTC
Why do i feel deceitful
Not to someone another
But to myself.
The one i should be most true.
**** the faults of my past
I knew they wouldnt last
But this pain that is untrustworthy
Sits on my shoulder and screams
Can you really be hope for this new
Breath that has been shown to the population
Or are you just a dreamer
One who has ego in a corner ready to knock your eye black
Because humility you lack
Worse off than on the road
having yourself a heartattack
These faults stack
Brick by brick and you think they wont stick
But they are held together by irony
Looking to contain you too
Within its walls
Trap you with six sides
Roll you so you could die
And be judged by fate, chance,
And the memories of your success
Falling flat.
Powerless im failing myself
Cant get out of the chair to create inspiration
Its only hesitation,
but its left me in contemplation
Which leaves me with bones that groan
Aching to be shown the world
And to look into the eyes of each boy and girl
Meet each person that i can
Hold up banners and chant out songs
Live life, be strong
But im lost in my own deceit
So only my demons show up when i speak
Spitting out lies
Why am i so meek
i cant shut up,
All i want to do is not speak
But i defend by talking
Act with my walking
And lie
When i find my truth
Which i have felt
Then i know this alternate persona
Of myself, will finally sleep
And ill release it with a breath
a huge sigh of relief
Jul 5, 2014
Jul 5, 2014 at 4:17 AM UTC
WALKING WITH GOD
God had gone
for a walk.
"Let the Universe..." He thought
"...take care of itself!"
He just wanted to walk.
Walk...like any human wood.
And here was a world
He could be proud of.
It did Him good
to see it as a human could.
Grass covered
his naked toes.
The morning
bleating with lambs.
Blue sky as if
He were in a living painting.
Sunshine - golden.
Tangible...touchable.
All it was missing was
a cuckoo.
So, He adde it
as an afterthought.
Because...
He - could.
And God saw
that it was good.
Met Him halfway
up a hill
walking my little dog
Ivor.
God and his creature
and his creature's creature.
"Howya!" I said.
"Howya!" said God.
"Woof!" said the dog.
"Woof!" mimicked God.
In another half an hour
I was due a heartattack.
The dog licking
my fallen face.
Wouldn't be discovered
for an hour or more.
The dog refusing to leave
the body.
God foresaw
all this of course.
"Ahhhh this is the kind of thing
that really ruins my day!
God moaned.
"And for which
I always get the blame!
God groaned.
"Go back now!"
the voice of God
echoed inside my head.
"Kiss your wife...
look into her eyes!"
And, so -
- I did.
Lived another 20 years
My wife died the following year.
I got knocked down by a car
in the end.
"So this is Heaven?"
I conjectured.
"Howya!" a voice I thought
I recognised.
"Howya!"
I said.
Apr 25, 2017
Apr 25, 2017 at 6:20 PM UTC