AHH I LOVE MY BOYS ,
DISCOVERING UNKNOWN AMOUNTS OF FONDESS,
OF JOY N TOY.

WERE WOULD I BE,
WITHOUT MY BOYS,
NOT LIVIN ALL THESE JOYS,
DARRAGH SLEEPING HAPPYLY,
IMAGINE NEVER HAVIN THAT AT ALL NO BOYS.

SO ALL LOVE TO MY GOD,
FINDING ALL KNOWN,
VAST QUAINTYS ENDLESS,
OF MY BOYS AN JOYS.

If I were to love as the universe loves
My god I'd be heartless.
I'd be so vast, so full, so empty, so everything all at once
Yet, I'd contain no fondess for the human beings that roam my innards.

Being consistantly admired but never admiring is something the universe is troubled with
Not me

A good one, if I got any sleep last night that wasn't interrupted
by your elbow in my back
it felt eerily like a knife I thought, but how unfortunate for me,
when you woke up to find
I'm laying on the floor, finally finding my rest, however poor,
so you complain of love lost
and knowing your fondess for storming out doors, still I wait
with the words on my tongue
my body reverberating the tense energy swirling around us,
because if you do what I think
than what else could be said to mend to cracks in our image?

not much I gathered from the look in your eyes
a look I didn't have long to memorize
you were here, and then not
faster then I could summarize

You wouldn't understand the words I wrote about the way my hand felt resting in yours
you didn't care that I made you my home
that in the sorrows of this life you had a way of letting me forget about it all
& I thought that I could make you adore me
with the things I said;
how I couldn't make sense of anything except the way your chapped lips felt against mine
& the way your eyes looked while we sat beneath a street light
the effortless movement of your hands when a song you love played
I closed my eyes in those moments, in fear that what we had was fleeting
I worshiped you and you never had to ask me to
I know that some people are born with the uncontrolled capacity to give more love than they could ever possibly be returned
I just wanted you to have the same fondess I did
for the way my stomach never got used to seeing you
the way it felt like a lifetime and I could choose you everyday
& the thought of spending the rest of my days by you never scared me at all
& even after everything I'd let you have me all over again
if you wanted, that is
but you can't beg for someone to want you in the same way you want them
maybe in another life this isn't real and you see galaxies in my eyes the way I see everywhere I want to be in yours
but I know that in this life all the words you never said are breaking me apart
and there are so many miles between us
and I'd give you the world but you wouldn't let me

The pleasure of leisure
truly evanescent in fact
An albatross around my neck
A spectre ?.
Possibly.
Tell me ........
How can i say it doesnt exist to me ?
I used to gage fondess for me with it .
Its utterly useless to even try to deny
One free second
You watch and see.minum one person
I lean back begin to smile
Appear ing out of thin air
Casting aspersions into my characture
And most of them i have heavily carried
And they knowing compounded
With the fact that they know
That i done so without
And did so without made a mention
Oh wow .......forgive me
Oh how i so utterly
In this muse have need
Out
Of an absolutely violent desperation.
Please. I am cryptic and eclectic and use long runon sentencing and get side tracted and make up my own words that noone understands yet .........my poetry may seem incomplete and i have a tendency to sound pornographic one min then morose the next
  Wait
Please
dont stop reading .
Im really really really hoping that someone,
at the least one person gets me.
In the apex of my , .....what began  as a pretty thought, i thought !.......
I thought i would let it out and just free style
4 a minute.
And without fail i went from pretty to petty
Petty to pitty
Pity complain
Complain to whine
Whine to rant .
I cant or maybe .......
Imagine how.......oh yes i can .
Wuz on the cusp of somehow goin pornographic
But i didnt .
Suddenly a smile on my face and i laugh at myself
With myself
A slap in the face with a ironic epiphany
Perfectly balancing my life an giving insight to ponder
As my anger increased from my subject matter.
One could only think " ok ya lost me
Here we go again"
Then i realize the one thing i need is one friend or acquaintance
Or anyone who could prove my petty theory wrong
By doin whatever it was they were doing .
Without "the look" or the "well are you gonna help.? "
I know youre sick or back is injured ,
But cmon you could do somethin.
Light bulb ....flash bulb
Realization .
Me ..........i am the exact uber opposite to the extreme.
I mean most all the time its what i do to unwind
I go an do things for people in need or not
Just doing good works and asking for nothing in return
I feel is what the world needs
I love to do it as a surprise but at the least
Never ask for help
Thats just me .no one gets me in the fact that i......working .
Full filling there needs allows me to coalesce and heal.
It seems i needed to write to right the wrongs i see
In order for me to see the quality of me and see that i am being the change i want to see and another reason to love me more
Now i sound concieted