Might think I'm ******* crazy,
'Cause I'm only circling in my little room,
I said "**** the exams", but truly say I'm scared.
I don't have any plan in life, I'm only baby,
But my mind is ready to war, and it's gonna boom,
I only want to break free and move to New York, but that's feard...

My sister says that she believes in me,
But I know that I'll make her blue,
Because I'm stupid little lost bee,
So I answer only "I believe in me too".
I know that this is hilarious to see,
But I really don't have a clue.
It seems like I had a glue,
But I lost someone who I even don't knew,
I wish I could say to her some things, just a few,
'Cause even my angel-protector left me, that's a blue.

My dearest friend once said "Your poetry is really awesome",
She didn't know that I'm only clown, but she's flawsome,
I really appreciate her words, but I can't make myself believe in it,
Because I think that I bring someone down and for that I need a hit.

Today I thought I was well done,
But when the sun goes down,
I think again about being gone,
Like I want to take a gun,
And take me brains out.

Outside I'm so cold skin,
But inside of me is an emotional bin,
You don't want to feel and see the things i've seen,
You don't want to know through what I've been,
It wasn't really a high quality scene,
'Cause now I want to feel
Anything else exept the fear.

I find my solace in my lyrics,
So that's how I talk to my friends,
But they don't give a **** about me,
And it makes me want to concentrate on the cheap beer,
Maybe that's how people will hear,
Because I'm tired of feeling ******* crazy,
I was born in the wrong time and place, I want ready,
So I'm just waiting to go to Father on the up,
Just to tell him about all the things that bring me on the top
To him.

And I can't stop writing this,
'Cause I want to cry, but I keep resist,
Feel like I'm in the cell, I'm beast,
Everybody watchs me, that's a ****.

I once asked my grand father if he was afraid of death.
He replied with a simple, "I've never feard death. They didn't teach you to die in the military".

The last time I visited his hospital bed, he was barely breathing.
He pulled me close.
I asked if he could see a bright light.

He replied, "no...I've never...been more scared...in my life"

From the moment of your first breath till your chest has no oxygen left.
I will stand with you in life an death...

I wasn't raised, I was only paid attention to when I misbehaved.
My mother left me to run around the state's. Drugs money and *** kept me from havin any bond with the teen mom.
A man was there,
a grandfather who didint welcome me to stay where I was left.
The man that gave me life wasn't there for any point, or any time.
I learned through my eyes, tried to follow in the footsteps of the in my life.
Learned about drugs first thing.
Respect, fear and how to fight wernt far behind.
As I grew up I was slowly caged, school and home was my only choice, everyday.....
4 acres in a farm was my place to play.
Met a man that was in deep with the gangs.
I was shown love by the ENE'Z!!
Then prison took some more from me.
Kept em away, and gave me letters from my homies talkin bout better dayz.
I went years without friends cuz my anger liked to hit em.
My pride liked to make me look like a dangerous villain, with weapons concealin as I threatened the other children.
I found out I was pour when the teachers asked why my clothes never changed, and when the kids ran away saying I stunk.
All the years I was  growin up, my feet were always rotted in my shoes.
Felt like they burnin, looked and smelled like it  to.
Age 12 I put a red bandana in my back pocket and went to school, all the scraps new!
Started towards me takin all my stuff and throw in it on the roof.
Haha I swear tho, that principal was a sewer rat too, they were ok cuz I was flamed up at school.
On day I made my uncle proud when I announced that I was a norteno too.
14 and I was facin time in prison, cuz we ran up to a punk *****.
He beat my aunt and tried it again when it was just her and a 3 year old kid.
So I cut that scrap and a homie pops that gat.
Can't even get in the house before the pigs pointed every gun in town straight at us
2 and a half wasn't half bad, sleep eat and work out
Forced to be released to family i hardly every see.
But it turns out that the new town was a gateway to ***** and drugs.
I was feard as a gangster ****, with a record to prove that I put in work.
I got bored of bonen random women every night, a man can only stay entertained for so Long in the same way.
Met a women, she was together with a ***** I knew.
Till he got that white in his controle room.
Then I swooped in and had a day wit her
That night she stayed and I gave it to her.
She came back late the next night, then never left again.
We left together , ran from  a crazy, thievin, white women only 30 days before i was 18 year of age
2 years we been goin strong, hard times hit like a planet. There wasn't nothin soft about it.
7 months in a box on weels me, my girl, and our puppy made 16 feet into our first home.
Till we found a space, back in my birth place. It was just after that my lover made it official, i was to be a father because she was bearing a child in which I had given my strength.

We're only waiting for his birth now, 21 weeks so far.

This was a little of my life. I promise tho, yours will be a great journey that myself and your mother will be there by your side.


  P.S. I will never promise the future....
I will never have power over the past...
But I will break myself into rubble to make every moment you live, better than anything I could ever physically give.

  I will live in poverty.
I will not allow you too.

I will go hungry, and feel pain.
I will feed you , and cure the hurt.

I will lose sleep, and work for cheep.
I will read you to sleep, and teach you how to be  what you dream.

I am your father
I am young, only 19
I was given no chance
I will stand so you may sit
I will give you every bit of my knowledge
I will never allow you to go without for my own happiness.


Your mother is the women  I love.
We will fight and disagree.
But love like ours rejoins quickly.
So your mother will have me standing at her side as you grow.
Together we will give you, life and the knowledge in which to live on any path that you choose