One day in a fictional town of claxton hill lived a lovely community with 3 farms and local bar and a school and a milk bar and 7/11 store and there was no hospital in claxton hill, just two RFDS doctors Peter Wilson and Wayne wardmen who are the official doctors of claxton hill and if anyone needs a doctor or needs a hospital they send them via the RFDS chopper, and today the vets office who is run by Esme Tobin who is very unorganised for a vet, but fortunately the new vet (Mark Sargent) is driving in his car and at present 20 minutes away from claxton hill, he loves heavy metal music as he rides down the road with AC/DC on his radio the song is heatseeker, and mark is booping along to it as he drives down the road meanwhile back in his office robbo markson is helping esme clean the vets office and Esme played in the mood whilst cleaning and Robbo said how about when we finish the cleaning we go to the pub to have a counter lunch and a bourbon and coke while we wait for the vet and while thru were cleaning farmer harriett came in to get the new vet to look at Brutus her pig
Because he isn’t eating much lately and she feels there is something wrong with him and mark had thunderstruck on as he enters the milk bar to get a caramel milkshake and the owner (Brad Tillett)
Said g’day what do you want, Just a caramel milkshake please and a large hot chips with salt and vinegar and mark waited for 20 minutes and then after that went over to the vets office and Esme and Robbo were finishing up cleaning and mark turned up saying hello I am your new local vet Mark Sargent and Tommy roe bought his dog to be checked by the new vet and introduced himself and mark said he looks fine and grabbed a cup of coffee and then said is my assistant Esme here and she said here I am, what do you want me to do, well I need you here to guide me through what I need and esme said farmer harriett wants to see if you can take care of butch her pig because his appetite isn’t very good but first I have to find the pub where I will be staying and Robbo said I will show you where it is, I am their regular customer and then he said how about ee order a counter lunch with me and Esme and Esme gave mark the list of the 3 farms so he knows where they are
First he visited the roe farm Just to get his bearings and had a cuppa there and after that he went to the yolksman farm and he has 14 sheep and 15 chickens and 4 cows  and he had a coke there and then went to the soosement farm to look at her pig and it seems the pig has a ****** problem and that makes him not much hungry and then he went back to the vets office dropped off his bag and drove to the pub and met the owner (Tom butler) and he dropped his luggage of a tv and a computer and clothes in his room and went down to have a coke in ice and started to get to know the locals and mark shared the same music interest as John Kenneth who owned the 7/11, mind you the first day was tiring for mark getting to know everyone as he does but he went to bed and relaxed

i’m drowning in new york city.
i want to die, again.
always! why is it like this?
i hate everyone; i want my ****** dramatic burlington life and friends back.
her, him, those two, even them…
i want it back.
i wanna be no one.
i wanna be everyone.
i;m full of emotions that i don’t want because everything is so different except for them.
no matter what i do the doom and gloom is always there.
i wanna change my name
i wanna get a dog—auggie or esme, a red border collie—and flee to the south.
I WANNA DRINK MYSELF TO DEATH.
i see these visions of a stable, happy, healthy version of myself but i also see these visions of me literally not making it past age 21.
i’m eternally stuck on self destructing.
but why?
why!
everything is good but it’s never enough.
i’m never enough, it’s never enough, he’s never enough (whoever he is at any given moment)
sam says he’ll fly me back to santa cruz and my insanity says do it but the small semblance of “morals” i still possess tell me not to…
only because of my parents. because of joe.
i don’t want to hurt them.
i don’t want to hurt anyone. but i’m hurting. always. forever. unless i’m drunk. no, wait…even when i’m drunk. i learned that the hard time this last run.
but life is meaningless (words are meaningless and forgettable) and time is a flat circle
blah blah blah
i’ve been here before
i’ll be here again
everything i do i’ll do over and over til i die.
if i don’t get drunk anytime soon i will eventually.
eternal return; the emo version of destiny.
remember when caroline myss’ book told me my highest potential was “victim”?
i’ll be drowning forever.
i’d rather be drowning in absinthe than drowning in aa meeting coffee.
i ache at the beauty of the world; the beauty which i will never achieve or be a part of.
i cry and i cry and i cry.
i want to be beautiful and pure but it’s all so dark.
all the people i’ve loved and who love me…i weep and i weep and i weep.
i can’t breathe fully; why do i wish i could not breathe at all?
i look back at all my pasts as if they were yesterday, and yet they all feel as if i’d made them up entirely.
disconnected and yet fully involved with each and every era of my evolution…
and yet i swear, i haven’t truly changed a bit.
the details change—the scenery, the faces, the dreams…
but all the emotions…all the thoughts…they stay the same.
“i won’t change, i’ll stay the same—darling, fade away…”
fading & falling & then blooming for a single lovely night
time is a flat circle.
i ache, i weep, i cry.
i naively hold onto the hope that someday…someday i’ll be okay.
please, god.
i have to be okay.
i have to turn off the bon iver.
i’m just trying to breathe.
maybe someday.

"Atlantis is sinking" she says
As she takes another drag of her cigarette
It's July 27th, 2017
Cancun, Mexico
and her name is Esmeralda
"But everyone calls me Esme"
When she was younger
She would sit on the docks with her older sister and count up all
the cruise ships and fishing boats that lit up the edges of the bay and far beyond into the black abyss which would dematerialize into itself  like
a dream half forgotten when
you're half awake
Now a days she sleeps with
the windows shut
and the drapes down
And never alone
Not as long as I'm here

Hey rabba sukriya jo tune yh zindagi diya
Jine ka mauka brpur esme diya
H rkha mushpe varosha hmesha
Saath na kbhi mera chutne diya
Kabhi kitaabo m saathi bna
kabhi khayalo m raahi bna
Jb v ghum hue khusiya
tune fir unse ru-ba-ru kra diya
Sukriya jo tune mera saath diya
Jine ka ek aash diya
Saath to tera mila
ab to dr v nhi lagta Kuch khone s
tune jo thame haath h
khul K jina ki khusiyaan
ab hmare pass h
Sukriya bhala karu Kin kin baaton ka
etne tere aheshaan h
ki sukriya kehene ko km pr jaaye yh saash h
Tune jannat ki sher krae
Khudh m hi hsne ki aash jagaae
Kbhi thi m v dri sehemi si
pr tere saath ne umeedein bharpur jagaae
Or un umeedoon ne khusiyon ki h barsaat karaae
Hey rabba sukriya kehene ko km jnm yh pr jaaye
For v enn khat K jariye
Kosish meri kaam aaye
Ek baar fir sukriya
jo tune hr pal h mere swath nibhae

Nursery Haikus  

A selection of poems inspired by children I worked with throughout my time as a Nursery Practitioner.



Circle Time

If I had one wish
I would become the person
that you see me as


Theo

Happiest outside
Stomping stars, building, making
creating your world.


Norah

Come back and see me
In your bright new uniform
and tell your stories

Pre-School Huxley  

I remember when
Our mornings always began
With tears, then stories.


Baby Huxley

Tutu in my lap,                                                                                                                                                                sequins in your pockets shine                                                                                                                                         but we shine brighter

Eadie

You take my hand like
I belong to you, and for
The next term I do.




Rudi  

Your contagious smile
Made my darkest days brighter;
light reflected back.

Lily

I watch you make art
and remember how it feels
to see true beauty.


Maya


Strong as your namesake
excited by the world and
the people in it.


Esme


The world is waiting
for you to come and change it
like you changed mine.


Pearl  

The moon and stars are
waiting for you to take aim
and echo through you.


Cataleya

If only you knew
The power of your laughter
My little treasure.






Career goals

Glorified Nanny?
Early Years Practitioner?
They love me the same.  





Jade Wright

take a photo,
of the photo,
we have chinese
whispers. this
is beverley nichols
with the right
hon. sir esme howard.

you don’t get
names like that
these days.