We hadn’t seen each other in so long. We embraced. I kissed your soft lips and was engulfed in a familiar fire. Our clothes were signed off our bodies. I felt the warmth of you as you wrapped around me. I couldn’t take it any longer, it had been so long that one more second not feeling you was like a cut that refused to cease bleeding. I plunged into you. The comfort of your wet and warm body was like a shot of adrenaline to my heart. My mind went back to that pool where I first met you, not knowing what spark had been struck. With each proceeding stroke I felt as though my soul was being ripped out of me and my only purpose in life was to feel you, hear you, be with you as deeply as I could. You moaned. The sounds you made like air blowing into a fire. I looked up into your eyes. Crystal windows peering into the stars. I was on the beach with you again. It was only a brief moment but it felt as though that glance was warped into a timeless beautiful melody.
I stopped. Should I tell you how I feel? I’ve never shared the depths of my feelings with anyone. I couldn’t, I was scared. The thought of this moment of ecstasy fleeing because I may share too much. After all that’s what’s wrong with me isn’t it? I’m too empathetic. I’m weak. I built my shield to separate me from the pain of losing. After all, it seems like the very first memory I have is of loss. No, this moment was too perfect. Too full.
My body shook as I grabbed onto your wet, gorgeous body. But before I could continue you pulled me into yourself. Minutes turned into hours, and still I yearned for you like we had just touched. We laid down and I held you in my arms. I pushed against you like a magnet unable to resist your pull. I could sense your smile. We fell asleep just like that. You and me enwrapped and in love.
Then I woke. I stared at the ceiling as a horrible pain began to ache in my stomache. It was a dream. A memory of a time past. Why didn’t I tell you? Why wasn’t I just upfront about everything? Instead, I let you go. No, I pushed you away. I had tried so hard to keep my shield entact and it was split open upon being with you. Like a scared little boy I left. Scared of the beauty I had. Time has past and you are gone. You are away. But I cannot repair my shield. I have stayed broken because no force on this earth could cover up what I felt. I hid that fact. I ignored you and pretended not to care. What a wasteful lie. Not one day has passed since I last saw you that you have not been in every thought. I call you and whether it’s in anger or in pain you don’t answer. The ceiling starts to spin as I am thrown into the reality I have made.
I can’t. You have left and I have left and I can’t live with that. There is nothing on this earth that will make me forget you just like there is nothing on this earth that will stop me from seeking you out. If I moved to you what would you say? Would you call me a liar and a freak for chasing what I love. Do you still love me? This feeling can not be one-sided. It’s too strong. Tell me that you care. Tell me that you can forgive. If I spend my accounts, my energy, my time to get back to you because I cannot be apart any longer will you accept me? Because there is nothing I would not do to be with you again. And if there is any realization that is stronger than the sheer ******* magnitude of our passion and love is the pain that I now feel as the ceiling comes crashing down.
