The cause of ignition is inconsequential,
no trigger to let loose the hammer- Only,
I become a passenger, a **** cur.
Softly as a dancer, on swells of change,
undulating to the jangle and clink
of lives being unlaced,
splayed apart  in bitter irony,
displaced into objectivity.
You take it personal,
as if, I am just a faltering piece of personality.
Dropped like salt in the Devils eye,
I'm just over shoulder- needing the fall
into comforting familiarity.
I'm unfeeling, mute and defensive-
peeling self back to where we merge.
At the base I know I am one
but cruelty makes our hands feel like four.
I am my own dark passenger depersonalized,
sloughed off in stress and
bound in unrecognizable life.

just because you were ***** at 40+ and acted like a bunch of teenagers without adequate protection... don't you ******* blame me for the malnutrition of humanity you conceived... no! *******! i'm not paying or giving any respect for these brain-dead, souless bodies!*

oh, i find the anglophone world, very "stalinistic", i find the anglophone word, abusive in terms of applied psychiatry, and their capitalistic pharmacological economy... it would seem that even close friends, friends from childhood, are zombified to find a complex text (which they can't seem to comprehend): as a sign of some "mental illness"... my my... the anglophone realm has become so oppressive that it doesn't even recognise itself as being such: for it states one fundamental flaw in its perception: as long as people can buy, and have a steady supply of "things": no harm can be do unto them. my my... what a strange coincidence, that someone who graduated with a chemistry degree... is actually treated like a mentally impaired "creature" and is thrown into the dock with window-lickers: who laugh and expose their genitals publicaly... my my... ain't that sumthin'! gotta write this **** down, this "west is the best" mantra, that's choking me and... oh didn't you know what the gun laws in england are? there are currently 500,000+ gun ownsership licences in england... so much for the english vanity project of being polite, and somehow feeling "superior"... throw me in with the retards?! nothing against them... sure... oooh blood's boiling that if you dipped me into the nile, you'd get your first plague; a word for the less eager to "imagine" - don't you start reading complex texts, if you can't solve a mild / difficult sūdokú, enjoying both tier of complexity... y'ah... actually enjoying them.*

there's any theory of solving a sūdokú,
currently?
   a recurring theme, it seems,
i don't know when i'll stop thinking about
it...
           think about what?
   who can find me a better d.j. while
you're at it, but i doubt it...
   and yes, to find a fourth number
you need (x, x, x) i.e. --> (x, x, x), x...
    but obviously to find the other five
xs - you require the diamond of
       (μ, ε, τ, α, φ, o, ρ, ι, κ) /
  the lemniscate (∞) & the εντεκα
   of the πεντε and εξι (akin to
the roman 69, in zodiac? pisces -
or twin akin, side by side rather than
the zodiac inversion of DoG -
   or what god there be is to be a devil,
and of what god to seek and plead for
is bound to the second standard:
   god's devilish pontius pilate imitation:
i was my hands clean!)
  but there already exist two graphemes
of the greek Π: akin to the hebrew
tetragrammation's H -
           φ (phi)    &    ψ (psi)...
ah yes! the name becomes the embodied
     fascination with adjective forms,
        and hence: the arithmetic change:
from meta(φ)or and the 7 heads -
   back into the sūdokú puzzle of 9 digits
and caesar's thumb.
that's how finish my puzzle,
   i found it easier to burn my eyes with
the greek alphabet...
              so i could more easily look at numbers...
after all... isn't the latin text
littered with holes?
                  as are numbers...
     there are but three "major" holes in
greek script are: β, o, α - beta, omicron, alpha;
  the "minor"? well, that would imply
δ (delta) & σ (sigma) -
                               αβoδες (abodes)
          of the 72nd fraction of the peer's eye.
so let's begin:
    if you really want to solve these puzzles,
you'll really need to be able to read the greek...
just so you can dissociated the current
numbers from the latin encoding -
    it was somehow much simpler to craft
grand architectural realms of interests
when 4 was but a IV,
   and 10 was but an X...
               funny...
   rest assured...
                          you will get a lot of science
with the current numbers...
  but not a great load of breath-taking arichtecture...
nonetheless...
   you will encounter several optical "illusions"
when remembering the greek alphabet...
mind you: that's better than what
they teach you in primary school with
the times-table... and: lo! behold! a calculator!
the difficulty in photographically memorising
greek comes as points
    ξ / χ           i.e.              xi   & chi
  ν / υ        i.e.          nu     &      upsilon
   (it's hard to keep the v & u apart) -
Υ / γ       i.e.        gamma & upsilon -
                (you need the nouns stressed,
rather than the latin "digits" invoked) -
     ε & η? (epsilon & eta)?
         a bit like omicron and omega -
   ε = ω (pool, poondering) -
            η = o (pond, pondering) -
                  hence a siamese replacing
diacritical needs.
                       phi (Φ) and theta?
key and a keyhole:
   but a key into a keyhole (Φ)
   and then turn it to open the door: Θ (theta) - O -
oh look... the current fascination with
the i             has actually become useful...
it can actually disintegrate in the current
realm of psychological "theory" that somehow
managed to hold onto the latin "ego";
imagine that!
                      what was once freudian
in the trinity realm of: ego, superego, id,
in my realm reads as the tetragrammaton
   of:    I, Φ, Θ... O...
      **** me if this won't become a fraternity
house emblem... ha ha!
  you want pleasure from a sūdokú puzzle?
learn the greek alphabet...
  un-numb the numbers that seem so akin
to latin text!
invoke what is otherwise parallel to 6 & 9 -
the zodiac sign of pisces -
                         or that confusing artifact
for the eye: dpd|b (180°) -
               with the last remaining
copernicus symbol missing to allow the full
circle (360°), invoking the b... ah, but yes!
the chirality of                              yh | wh
also apparent in the dpd|b (180°):
    in each half: half over every half's
worth: divide.

Depression
That is my name
I watch you from the shadows
I befriend you when I can break you
And then I leave when you can no longer stand to live
There are very few people who can push me away
I’m tired more often than not
I can’t stand others or the things they do
I don’t sleep for I am always planning my next attack
I eat just enough to survive
Not much more
This world feels like a domain of pain
I don’t dress with style
I wear oversized hoodies and trashed jeans
I rarely comb my hair for the effort is too much
I hide in the shadows therefore no one knows my name
This world is so dull
The only reason I stay is to break others
I sit in my room day by day other than when I’m at school tearing myself apart
I have forgotten the things other people teach me and the names of the people I have shattered
I never concentrate on anything but the broken
I don’t care for the people I break for I have become too numb
Nor do I feel pain
I think mostly about the way I’ll disappear and die
For that’s how I pass the time that was created to torture lost souls

Anxiety
That is my name
You know my cousin paranoia
I don’t let others close except for the few I cling to for they keep me from flying apart
I dread any interactions with people I don’t know know and sometimes even with the people I do
I watch my surroundings constantly searching for danger
I expect the worst for every situation
I can’t focus nor concentrate on anything for more than half the time
I’m always tense and I jump at hello’s for they make me anxious
Almost everything is highly irritating for everything calls for change
More often than not my mind blanks and I’m ****** into a whole different world
My heart is constantly pounding at the anticipation of fear
I am constantly sweating with a paralyzing terror
I get extreme headaches from even the smallest noises
I get stomach aches more than twice a day
I’m dizzy every second of every hour
Every day I wish to escape

Bipolar
That is my name
No one can ever anticipate how I’ll feel other than me
If even I do therefore no one wants to be my friend
Sometimes I burst out in anger and become dangerously aggressive for reasons not even I can place
Sometimes I place myself up high high high
Way above others
Some say I become overconfident for no reason at all
I don’t like how easily I can be made to cry or how easily with no explanation I become sad
No matter how much I sleep I feel more awake than I should even if I only sleep half an hour
Others call me uncharacteristically impulsive
Yet I don’t understand
They also call me moody and it makes me upset with either sadness or anger
I often become confused at even the smallest things
Rarely anything captivates my attention

DPD
That is my nickname
I automatically trust and cling to everyone I know
I don’t ever make my own decisions
No matter how many times someone hurts me I still go back to them
I never am mad at others
I always let everyone else win an argument against me for I believe I’m the only one who's wrong
I always manage to avoid taking responsibility for anything at all
I am never on my own
I’m always with someone I know
If I’m in a relationship that ends I completely shut down for a month or two
I don’t speak when this happens and I spiral down
Down
Down
Until I hit bottom  
People say I never have and never will be able to meet the things life demands for survival
They say I’ll die at twenty-five

Schizophrenia
That is my name
I never talk to anyone other than the friends I was born with
People call me hostile and suspicious
They say I react way too extremely to criticism
I never bathe or do things anywhere close to that for clean things burn my soul
People say I’m expressionless and emotionless for I am never smiling or frowning or showing emotion at all
I sleep whenever I’m not at school
Sometimes even when I am
I don’t ever remember anything except my friends names nor do I concentrate on anything but them when I’m not required to focus on my movement to class or home
Everyone calls me insane

Anorexia
That is my name
My friends are the models in magazines
People think I’m creepy looking because of how thin I am
I’m constantly losing weight
The rare time I got my blood checked the doctor said I had an abnormally low amount
I always skip P.E. for if I don’t I end up fainting
I often am dizzy
I have seizures every once in awhile
People say my nails are extremely brittle
I may die before eighteen  

Bulimia
That is my name
I have no friends for everyone whispers freak behind my back
I often stay in my room
I am constantly worried that I weigh too much so I stay away from mirrors to the best of my ability
I hate the shape of my body
People never go near me anymore
Not even my family

Insomnia
That is my name
I have no friends nor do I approach others for my brain is always too tired for interaction
I never sleep for my soul is always restless
I am always tired but I am unable to rest
I am extremely easy to irritate
People say I never pay attention or focus on the task at hand nor do I remember very much of anything
People say I make way too many mistakes and errors
I no longer go to school because my grades were never anything more than f’s
People say I’ll die homeless

PTSD
That is my nickname
I don’t talk to other people for everyone one way or another reminds me of my past
I often have extreme terrifying flashbacks of the things my soul has endured
I hate sleeping for all I ever have are nightmares that leave me paralyzed
I have become emotionally numb
I avoid a lot of places for most places are a reminder
I rarely am able to concentrate
I often feel extremely jumpy
Everything and everyone irritates me in one way or another and often anger me as well

Multiple personality disorder
That is my name
Sometimes people who I address as my friends call me Raven
Sometimes they call me acasia
Rarely they call me lilith
Although I can be all these people Raven is always waiting in the shadows whispering sweet truth
I often completely forget things and never remember them again
Sometimes I even forget my age
People say I am always severely distressed and don't function like a human
Maybe it’s cause my soul is a ghost

These people are far from repair and terrifying to most
But this is my circle of friends