Lying there lifeless

pretending...

Pretending to be asleep
the gray ceiling drips onto my face
with each passing second the
room gets smaller and
hotter

Smothered by restlessness
suffocated by longing
I sigh a heavy sigh
expelling another moment from my muddled life
debating on whether I should get up or not:

     The effort of pulling off the iron covers
     the indecision, the fear
     afraid of being caught


Sneaking out to do naughty things?
                  I think not.
Something I shouldn't be doing?
                     Hardly.


Taking slow strides across the room
my eyes adjust
just enough
to bring forth indistinguishable shapes
I rely only on the silent energy
that the darkness emits
my ears pivot to pick up the blackness' ululating drone
I tune into its mystic frequency
abandoning all mixed signals that came about today

The slits of oceanic blue light
slather the window's opposing wall
an illuminescence too scarce to peg the door's frame

I twist the cold brass **** until I hear the click of metal

Tip - toe - ing . . .
through the never-ending runway-hallway that seems to  

S T    R       E          C            H        o  n   f    o     r        M  I       L           E                  S 

strafing crucified
agaist the wall
still hitting every
creak I had been aiming to miss

Descending down
the steps
I reach the
Flat 
one more step down and my excitement rises

I glide across wooden floors
stirring up invisible dust...
I am the lazy particles that float in the air
minus the fanned out beams of sunlight
shining through cracked blinds
to scream out my presence
and fuel my pestiness

Finally I am close
close enough to breathe steam on the storm door
remove the stick

push up the lock

pull. slide. open.

Ahhhh
The cold air knocks the wind into me

My first barefoot step is into a pool of icewater
turning to close the door I enter hypothermia
my body crystalizes, cracks, shatters, and re-crystalizes again
sitting down on the step I become inorganic

I tilt my empty heavy head up to the heavanly sky,
howling my thoughts to our silver satellite

I try to find comfort from afar - comfort my bed alone could not supply
my insides evaporate from my
frozen skin and
disperse into the air
my particles grow incandescent wings
the kind that effortlessly ***** and flutters

My molecules are ****** up towards the sky
they leave me behind to join the stars
I welcome their departure and wave goodbye
I hope when they return they bring back good tidings

Now that my insides are gone, my particles adrift,
My frozen-solid body is hollow
and so, a weight is lifted
(even if only temporarily,
the numbness is temporary)

Still gazing at the infinite clusters of stars like
woven celestial patchwork
littered across infinite black plains
I feel content admiring the lone stars
adventurous and brave as they come

    Feeling like those lone stars,
    trying to find my place
    I snuck out to my backyard

All I needed was some space

some view storms
as clichéd expressions
related to the overwhelming
events of each individual droplet
shattering the serenity of our perception
& flooding our thoughts-
almost drowning our minds
in tumultuous anxiety.

i prefer to see storms
as a cleansing experience-
washing away those thoughts
& events no longer needed
within our subconscience
into a swirling, roaring
whirling and bubbling
muddy puddle...
down an infinite drain,
where the caked dirt dries--
crystalizes
into a lesson in humility,
& letting go....

there's a
storm out
there inside
here too.
but mine
doesn't melt
on my cheeks
when they are
warm.
it crystalizes
in my chest cavity
poking up
painfully when
I'm scared and
trying to breathe in.
and when I turn
out the lights
and try and pull
my security around
my body
the wind howls
reminding me
that even if I
shut the windows
I can still feel
the burn
of air coming in
on the tiny rips
in the sides
of my shield.

There is a tempest
In the Temple of tonight

All of my values , morals
Are shaking cold from fright

There is a reason now
For all of my due fear

When red is the color
It has turned from water clear

There is red blood from the innocent
Caking on my fingers from their souls

They have been taken in their silence
Their blood has been dried by the cold

In the darkest of the winter
My seed willingly spills

Sickening sweet the cost
Of such a cheapening thrill

It crystalizes screaming
Without making a sound

Upon the snow white flakes
Of the frozen ground

You shuddered when caked
And cold ****** fingers

Stopped to caress your silken breast
Where upon they linger

I briefly touch with the back of my hand
Your perfect cheek that flowers this land

I turn to see a nor by norwestern star
It's my place , my home so far

Then into the blackness
where none of the living dare goes

Love takes a walk with me
Until it's suddlenly froze

Patients and time with caring and understanding, slowly the thing crystalizes. Taking form under pressure and anticipation, it grows . Some Gems form quicker than others, but the rarest ones may take a lifetime. A Jewel called love is a precious stone indeed and is not easily found and once obtained is fiercely guarded against any who might want to steal it away.

Everything crystalizes
on me
It leaves a sour taste
after all I've lived

And little questions, little feels
that really meant nothing
Crystalize like you hadn't seen any of it
You keep analyzing - as you always do
But the chills he sent you
those were real, those were good