I want to write something;
I want to write something now.
And I am going to write it.
Here. Now. I write.

There are some people who buy new phones,
Some buy cameras and some buy laptops.
They change the things they have.
I changed too.
I chopped the hair off my head.

Some people leave the place they live.
For a short while, sometimes for long.
They travel far and wide, see different things.
I saw different things too.
I chopped the hair off my head.

Some people write. They write so many things.
They write stories. They write poetry. They write songs.
And some write blogposts.
I wrote a part of my life.
I chopped the hair off my head.

There are people who love to get pampered.
By spas, salons and exotic oils.
Many a time by loved ones and pets.
I pampered myself.
I chopped the hair off my head.

Some people like speed.
They ride cycles, motorcycles, cars on long wide highways.
Some ride chariots in their dreams.
They like the rush.
I felt the rush too.
I chopped the hair off my head.

Some people play music.
They play guitar, piano, drums and some sing.
Some play anything they can find near-by.
I sing too.
But I still chopped the hair off my head.

I have seen people play for hours.
They play cricket, they play football, they play games on the x-box.
And some play mind games with other people.
I hardly play anything,
But I chopped the hair off my head.

Some people cook, eat and drink.
I love to cook, eat and drink too.
Even then I chopped the hair off my head.

People say, she has gone mad to have done so.
People say, she is gay to have done so.
People say she has insects in her head or diseases in her body to have done so.
And I had just chopped the hair off my head.

Madness it seems; but freedom it is.
Gay it seems; but a deep love for self it is.
Insects and diseases it seems; but healing from sickening monotony it is.
A style statement it seems;
"Oh you are in a design school! Its cool how you guys do crazy stuff!" ,
But a part of the inner being it is. It was and it will be.

Simply put, fun it is,
Living it is, loving it is.

Going bald it is.

Written in my blogposts are witty things and love quotes of mine..
The dreams of your tomorrow and the memories of all my sorrow soon collide..
I phoned her in the evening
Just to tell her i'll be leaving
Yet again..
And i called still believing
She'd be there on the other end..

Cause i could be gone, by tonight..
If things dont work i'll run for my life
And you dont have to be there by my side, to tell me im a fool..

The story of my life
I pack a bag
&dance; in the streetlight
To a song sung bad
And life..
Becomes a movie moment of mine

The story of my life
I write a song,
I wait all night
For your response
But i cant re write..
This part of my life

Written in my journals are the feelings that i can't explain
You come with warmth and brightness but even the sunset must fade

I'm hoping that this evening i'll be smiling when im sleeping cause of you..
And what ive learnt is that i pin hope on things that can't be true..

Cause im on a rollercoaster ride
There's highs and lows
From hell to starry skies
And you dont have to be there by my side, cause i need space in school

And people say they need me but they.. don't know who i am..
So maybe loving you is easy 'cause you just understand..

The story of my life
I fall in love,
I give my heart
To almost everyone
and time..
Is the worst heartbreaker in life

The story of my life
I send you songs
And i wait all night
For your response
Ohh whyy
Cant i undo parts of my life?

Oh I'm told;
'Move on, cause you can't rewrite'

Enjoy it while you can
      they say
These next 4 years are going to fly by
      and they did

-Join a club
-Do an internship
-Make friends
-Write a resume, cover letter
-Fall in love
-Apply for jobs
-Do something crazy
-Build your professional portfolio
-Socialize for hours
-Find a grad school
       they say "it's the college experience"

Is it the college experience to feel
Underappreciated and Overworked?
Elated and Devastated?
Accomplished and Incompetent?

It never feels like it's enough
      no, I never feel like I'm enough
I've spent hours staring at a screen
Either in class or at home, it doesn't matter
I scrolled through so many blogposts and jobposts
Applied to countless positions and internships
All for nothing

"What's the best way to do college?"
      is the question I'm constantly asking myself
      and anyone who will listen that might have the answers
"What am I doing wrong?"
      how can so many people have accomplished so much
      before I've even made a name for myself

my 21 credit semester
my double major
my additional minor
my 6 semesters of straight A's
my 2-year executive board position
my part-time minimum wage job
Were they all not enough? What am I doing wrong?
Why can't I find even an unpaid internship?

Despite my exhaustive efforts,
      and I do mean exhaustive, full burn-out
I still see people
people who have done way less, tried way less
with full rides, wonderful internships and jobs right out of college.

None of it is fair.

And I have nothing to show for it.

So has this just been 4 wasted years?

What can I make of myself in the real world,
with nothing to show for my college career?