Little did he know
How small I wanted to look
Shrinking into the corner and atomizing my existence
Failing to climb the mountain of expectations
Falling with my eyes closed
Shutting my hands over my face
I can’t look him in the eyes because his hands
closed over mine like I had just died
And as I laid in the funeral casket hands flat against my sternum
The lid closed before he saw
I’ll never see him
I don’t want to
How tragic
I’m running a never ending race
Just to break my legs before the finish line
I’m the crumbs beneath his fingers
Only his
I want him to see me but not see me
I still want him
To talk to me
Just not now
Or later
Or ever
I’m too busy licking envelopes with letters
I’ll never send
And that i’ll never want him to read
Or know of
I’m so sorry

There is no greater force than to consume a burning sun
The chemical reaction measured but the megaton
But when slowly done in a most diabolically methodical fashion
Each helium neutrino ripped apart by atomizing pure passion
Like helpless water circling down a drain pulled hopelessly in
Time will move ever so slowly once within

        With no beginning......and no end........

Every particle similarly blasted into basic atomic makeup
There is no bearing size of space for matter to take up
With each consumed substance its dark potential uplifts
Uniformly placed all things amazingly fit
In a place where nothing so exponential should sits
All melting into an event horizontal pit

        Every last light will parish.......not one bit will survive........

This force will never desist
Yet everything will still exist
On the great spinning disc of time
That has merely yet to reverse in our puny mind
To bang all possessions in unpredictable directions
Never really thinking of correcting imperfections

        Because everything has always been there......and never was.....

Never will you know
out of body, out of mind
atomizing in thin air
floating upon crystal castles
dangling on wispy clouds
I suppose I am to blame
I've forgotten in the mold
folded a thousand times
struggling under pressure
bulking exponentially
until I desist at last
filtering out memories
I couldn't hold onto regrettably
kisses so deep
so lonesome
the touch of lips still lingers
flirting with my memory
an ancient calling
my rhapsody,
to harmonize, baptize
recognize the demon inside.

and lost in it's cage the fallen angel sighs
of relief perhaps
or of unshakeable boredom
knowing that he'll
never be never be never be
unbroken

a web without the print of a creator but instead diagrammatic self evident unfurling stretches in omnidirectional transcendent space crosshatching perpetual fall buoyed by synthetic leaves which provide penultimate impact fluxes to the brain surplusing centripetal stirring while acidic gut indicates the mind has been hijacked by racing network graphics smuggling a chromatic spectrum of strict empiricism that manifests hieroglyphs with junk dna and superfluous deep web code revealing repetition indistinguishable from the loaded traces phase injected to give an illusion of random chance luring emaciated counter adepts to insert all ten fingers in this muck and gaze in its vacant form with eyes now containing double lizard lid seamlessly surgically added while anesthetized in computer god robot operating cabinet hidden behind the gut film of all womb corrals by overlords crowding the sky with shadow mask while will beaming psywaves and psyops to the planet held frozen asserting infinity a zero sum game or infinity a desire sink atomizing discipline to dust blown till even dispersal that settles as the desert of us where ancient cathedral rubble can be picked up without knowing though covering it is graffiti in slang that too is long outdated yet untouched immaculate stands the pyramid where atop the eye burns as infernal chaser back of darkness our primordial creeping from we forget due to whippings under omnipresent dominion as our birth origin and impious realm of ambiguous nondual reciprocity which angered the envious great liar who then swindled the good will of man for instantiation of a fake godhead as virus from infinite space beyond the punched out skyshell by saying “this is everything” signaling intuitors who lack the bandwidth necessary for computing a safe closed circuit to boot load non sequiturs corrupting their internal hall of mirrors by neutralizing all quotients with zero triggering an attempt to apotheose by the lobotomy spike wielding free radical poised to strike once the asymptotically approaching monad of dark energy has arrived and the mantra of hologram reality is hammered into zygote protoconsciousness through fritolay derived nutrients with de as prefix marking eschaton having cropped up like small flames across the plain of man reducing form to powdered grey concentrated potential.

Orbited amongst supraorbited. Predetermined variance is your’s for refusal. Expression is accessible beyond the sense approved surface. Inevitable as it may seem. Vested physicality is greater. Remember the joy of your body, and smirk in the light.

Grid scored on my back
Clove bulbs spiked, superficially clinging with determination of sand spurs

I'm a ham
Served whole

Sweating, secreting succulent indifference
Life's teeth glint and catch the middle of my iris

Shhh...

Can you see them?
Clinch your soul's curtains
Barricade the shutters of your mind
Allow yourself to be overcome with paradise personified

Now tell me, do you see?

Bunnies sprinting through great green rolling hills
Hind-quarters thumping
Leather pads attempting to flatten the horizon

***** daydreams
Lamenting desire's demented delusions

Same in the end
Bullet driving fantasy
Bursting free
Exploding back to front
The calamity of innocence
Mercy sprays into the air
Atomizing as it descends
Defining invisibility's mass

I could never pull the trigger
Even if to preserve my own breath
A coward's concession
Self-sacrifice in spite of shame

That's the way things go
Quality of life is contingent on what can't  be remembered
Why is it so hard to forget
Happy time granules have fallen
Slightly off color
Completely missed placed in this miserable sand box