lmbf Jun 2
we are merely an amalgamation of atoms in the universe, floating around until we happen to collide, falling headfirst into someone else’s space.

i knew the moment we first met that there was something different about this girl. she made me feel almost...brand new. there was a reason she had come to visit me in my shattering stratosphere. why, i did not know then.

she was art but not just how art is nice to look at, to gaze, to admire. her magnetic energy instantly drew me in. but mostly she was beautiful because of all the worlds floating in that mind of hers.

i tried so hard to love her, i gave her all i could. comforted her in times of sadness, laughed with her about music and art and friendships and all the things good girl friends do.

i didn't realize what was happening;
but i loved her more than that, she never knew.
or maybe you did. maybe that’s why you pushed me so far away from you.

good girl friends don’t fall asleep at night thinking about how soft her lips would taste on theirs, pray to god for a goddamn miracle to make her feel something, too.

she taught me that loving is both selfish and selfless. selfless because there is nothing i wouldn’t have done to see her smile again; selfish because the fatal flaw of human nature is that we do all things with the small, but secret hope that they will love us back. don’t try to hide it.

i think we both know:
i have loved you;
i let you go.
excerpt from 'good girl friends,' featured in "lessons in love and pain"
a book i will write #015
the rest is coming soon <3
If the endless invoked me
..."Come"
I would leave these days.
Without me -
the solidarity of hidden deserts
Under unfounded skies
Will still be resting,
If I remain
Amidst the swaying morning,
by earth-
Inside your space,
Only my hands-
Dark as shadows of holes in
In the walls behind heaven
Seconds dripping,
billions all at once...
Trying to keep every drop of you
-in my hands/
But you are a quasar
Even breaking atoms,
collapsing everything /
And lowering yourself
back to earth,
Tonight
inches, equal aeons /
Here in this place
-Where no one ever goes,
I watch the universe
crush
In my palm, I witness
the strength of megallactic clouds-
I am alive,
Because I snatched only the essence of the galaxies
bleeding /
your skin is perfect,
No man could ever touch you..
You having been born of tears,
Of the endless face of God,
Racing back/
Down through
Darkness' unnamed
And unnumbered,
Rushing down
Leaving every empty space
Stained with the fingers of your
Flames while you
escape heaven/
I will reinforce.
Every constellation,
Else the ether
could never hold you,
for a moment /
Your skin was placed superbly on bones
and flesh, Veins, endless ...
And all the tender entrails ...
in its time,
Sat suspended ...
Remember ...My love-Forget
all other things-
But this:
When your eyes finish....finally
...It wont be day ...
nor December,
There won't be rain,
And stars will not descend
From the space from which you came
...you woke up in childhood ...
You have learned to dream in mirage of minutes,
Be Silent in the shaken shadows
Of hours..
just once you were called by the finite-
But do not be afraid,
My love-
Because the caverns of my heart,
were forged in the thickest charms
In darkness
-Reclusive-
In the unchanged
Spaces of gods thought
-I'll tell you now ...
Spill everything,
from your fury down
inside me,
Because my emptiness can not be filled-
when there was a real light,
in the days of the day -
I sat with the wicked /
In kingdoms, where light can not pass!

-In repentance,

I will save a calm battle/
Until every atomie of my skin has perished
I will rage against the black angels-
In the clouds Behind your eyes -
Until the ice,
Until innocence...
When they lay you in the empty space,
soon you will be the bones,
and the flesh unexcited.
The unexpected veins of the earthstar,
Your scent goes away from the moon-
Your breath on my skin is gravity/ only you could be born once...
as a single kind of dust drifting with Silence/yet, violently Bubbling,
and Spinning-Recklessly /
Endlessly, forever!
Things happen, moments are created, faces are remembered and feelings are tightly grasped within the dry hands of our cracked hands,
Cracked hearts too maybe?
Where do we go but forward,
Remembering absent friends, lost loves, broken dreams and a hope to bury it all in that dark backyard behind our weathered but sturdy home,
We will move on, forge new paths, break new barriers, repeat a thing or two,
but oh well,
We all have some familiar cycles in our life right?
We are resilience built on the foundation of faith and belief,
We are unwritten pages, with past chapters that can fill a library, a library that none might visit,
And we will still go ahead and do everything that we want to, regardless of what anyone else ever said,
We are beings with a field of uncertainty surrounded by determination at the most unexpected moments,
Love and let go, love and cherish, love and be broken, love and not expect anything in return, love and be loved back a 1000 times,
We are the sum of billions of atoms,
We are the moments we create and the things that happen,
We are the beliefs of more than thousands of faiths in this world,
We are the tragedies of past, the conundrums of the present and the triumphs of tomorrow,
We are able,
We are capable of all of them,
We are capable and able.
Inspired by a mixed heavy week in July 2018. Death of a good friend, my 2nd year wedding anniversary, and 2nd year death anniversary of my mum. Love and death.

— The End —