I can only identify Autumn as entirely bittersweet
I cringe at the sting of it as I breathe it through my teeth.
Isn’t it ironic how it’s viewed as beautiful in most eyes?
The season when everything transforms and withers away and dies.
The leaves changing colors, the forests in flames
And the vague sense of comfort in the shortening of days.
It’s underneath the ocean of stars I overanalyze my place
And I realize I’m just one out of the entire human race.
There’s something about Autumn, when everything dies,
That nags at me, insisting that I acknowlege I’m alive
And that no one can take that life away from me but me
I am not like the forests and the leaves and the trees
And I do not need to engulf myself in the colors of the flames
And I will not wither into nothing in Mother Nature’s name.
It is not neccesary for me to die once a year
Or hibernate all winter just to dismiss all my fears.
So why is it when I breathe Autumn into my bones
I become hyper aware that I’ve constructed people into homes
That have long sense been forclosed on, windows boarded up
And I’m the last to understand that the doors are locked and shut.
"That habit causes chronic homesickness," the doctor explains,
"I have no cure to give you, I just have something for the pain."
It’s in a self-medicated stupor I re-evaluate and say,
"I’m the only one to blame for why I ended up this way."
And in my cloudy mind state I think of what I’m fighting for
It’s been years of battles, mostly won, but I fear I’ll lose the war,
For overnight Winter will creep up to my window and make its way inside
And the tired worn out troops I have left will be taken by surprise.
My mental health will grow sleepy but I’ll push it to stay awake
And I’ll cling to that last dying ounce of comfort Autumn gave.

If sin wasn't created.
We would be the creator of sin.
You occupy my mind to do intimate things to you.

Innocent, we just couldn't be anywhere close to Adam and Eve.
Who seem more knowledgable about one another?
Once they notice the body of one another.

Strange, that when many lecture and preach.
That they fail to acknowlege that both were naked, as a jay bird.

God personally requirement was  to multiple.
Which Adam and Eve did several of times.

You draw me into you.
You embrace the same feelings that I do.
One look into my eyes and you aware, what I want to do?
Yeah, you occupy my mind.

No touching needed.
No words needs to be said.
Just a smile and a look will start things.
You occupy my mind.

Every second, every minute, every hour.

Those that times loving.
Seem to miss out on more attention.
Just enjoy the flow of the action that will lead to satisfaction.

As you both gets deep into the moment.

The dew-washed sun
Sneaks out from the horizon
As a new day shows
Its joyful accomplishment

You sit on the rock
Of the moon kissed valley
Under the vast eternity
Accompanied by Anguish
And Sadness on your ohter side

The time when the bell rang hardly
Resonanting through your subtle heart
Breaking it fiercely apart.
The feeling of hurt and smell of blood
You desparately ask for the help of god.

Hearing the voice of destiny
Calling in whisper, swarming in shadow
You must rise again from the pain
Like a phoenix from the dust.

In the fresh fields and foggy nights
Putting the pieces together again
Like a never ending puzzle
The smallest fractions will always be lost.

Where are the helping hands,
Where is my host?

It is only you who can acknowlege
The true answer of all
The help, masterfully built
In both of your shoulders
Grasping the pieces
With your languid fingers.

There is hope in every fragment
There is power in thoughtful mind
The time when you step out from your cave
You realise you have only love, you hate in vain.

November 17th, 2007.
Becky Jo heard, no felt His call.
The day I learned I'm bound for heaven.
I became new, forgiven for sins big and small.

I studied His gift...learned what he gave for me.
My mind out of the way I learn.
I am part of Jesus' Body.
I know a love no action can earn.

I rejoice in what I know He needs.
Study, pray, acknowlege who He is.
Speak of His sacrifice, testify, plant His seed.
Glorify Him, show all that I live to be His.

To give all my Glory to God above.
To give way to His light at my feet.
Sharing His word humble in His marvelous love.
My fire so strong I can't stay in my seat.

I am His tool to use no matter what.
I give my all to spreading His love around.
I give remembering how that whip ripped and cut.
I give for His joyful family and love I've found.

Your collar no longer jingles at the door.

You once kneeled at my armchair,
Poised for my arrival home.
And once I'd sat, then you could acknowlege me,
And say, "I missed you so."

You'd offer me a drink,
Knowing if I wanted hot or cold.
And If you had been good,
Your body I would hold.

1. Always wear skirts.
2. Always follow on all fours.
3. Don't say it hurts.
4. Let me kiss wherever it is sore.

You'd sleep chained to my side,
And curl into my chest.
You liked to feel small, you said,
You liked that way the best.

You lived with me 8 months,
A slave to any need.
Emotions and physical touches,
And I would make you bleed.

5. Call me Master, spelt capital M.
6. Only wear buttoned shirts.
7. *******, only I may play with them.
8. Don't *** til it's your turn.

And among the rules I laid,
And the life we both believed,
Was passion between sheets,
Or anywhere I pleased.

Once a week rewards,
Were a special treat I gave.
But the condition was simple,
You musn't misbehave.

9. Always kiss me goodbye.
10. Cook dinner 3 nights a week.
11. Initiate *** only if asked prior.
12. At any time, Master may peek.

Before long you wanted more,
Something more real than what I gave.
You left your contract on my door,
And I kissed goodbye my slave.

Not that I loved you,
But I do so miss your ways.
You pleased this man to eternity,
And all the way back again.

Your collar no longer jingles at the door.

one of the biggest ironies
is how insensitive
sensitive people can be.

we wear our feelings
on our sleeves
and lash out for small things.

in defending our honor
we refuse to acknowlege
that others matter.

we feel strongly
and so won't
empathize, wrongly

assuming that our pain
is greater than yours
which makes it hard to mantain

any kind of relationship.
so please don't
try to start friendships

with us alright?
we may seem
nice but we bite.

I've been marking
my skin
with pain I could
only acknowlege
through pen.

And when he came,
no space was left
to welcome
the story he had to tell.

So I made him pages
in a corner
no one had ever
dared to flip.

(if/when)
you are no longer mine
will we coexist or go to war?

will our lips spit arrows
and start fires like
a conflict with no end in sight

or will we have the strength to just
smile- slightly to each other as we pass;
and view each other as a lesson

rather than an enemy
I will acknowlege you politely
and ignore you as a curtousey

and i will turn the other cheek
(if/when)
you are no longer mine.
if you will do the same.