You fall asleep on the phone, I stay silent and still

I watch the clouds roll over the hill

Wonder how long before you let me in

To the place by the mountains, covered in snow

The frost on the windows, the cold biting your nose

You need your space, you crave their love

You sleep on the phone, and my hand aches for your touch
I hope you think I matter as much

As the boy in your dreams, soft and frail

Nights like this make me feel like I’m in hell

But hell would be warm, this love makes me cold

I hope we’ll be able to die when we’re old
Sitting in chairs by the fire, hearts full of desire

Grandkids aplenty, stories to tell

Not just a house on the hill, but a love that lasts

And when it’s time, we’ll be the past

A hole in the ground, where we’ll rest side by side

And the gravedigger will fill the void where we once lived our lives

You were young, barely 16.
****** into a world of hate and pain.
You were sensitive and fragile.
Too soft for this world.
You took your life in front of the room we shared our favorite class.
The cops said you did it the night before.
I cant get the image of your cold body hanging from the gutter out of my mind.
Why did you do it?
Were you scared?
Were you sad?
Were you bullied?
The cops said the only two things you had on you were your rubix cube, and the signed ticket to the play we saw together.
You were always playing with that **** rubix cube, showing it off and messing around.
I won’t be able to look at one ever the same.
I still have the picture i took of you with the cast members.
The smile from ear to ear as you went through and showed me each signature and told me who they played in it.
Every day i see something that reminds me of you.
Should i follow in your footsteps?
Today marks a week since you took your own life.
Im full of sadness, guilt and anger.
How do i move on from this.

this site and writing poetry was a great outlet so that i didnt **** myself, and it helped me to figure out who i am and what i wanted in my life. i genuinely think that writing poetry saved my life. that being said i dont need it anymore, hopefully i never have to come back to writing poetry, because if i do it means that i am doing bad again.

You were my sunshine, I loved to feel your warmth on my back, and your beauty radiating upon my face.
Sunshine is good for you, in small quantities. I didn’t mind the sunburns I’d get and would take all the vitamin D I could get.
Prolonged exposure to sun can cause sunburns, premature skin aging (though that may have been attributed to the cigarettes you made me addicted to)  skin damage (from the knives you’d drag across my body, you were always a sadist)  and skin cancer. You were a tumor, slowly killing me, and I had to cut you away from me. I’m in remission, I pray to God that you don’t make me go through this again, no amount of treatment, whether it be cannabis or prayer could save me a second time.





I am vitamin D deficient.

I could never wait to get to the center
of the lollipop without biting.
Never had the patience of the kid in the commercial.
I was always the owl.
One lick to growing up too fast.
One lick to unwanted ****** scenarios.
One lick to depression.
One lick to heartbreak.
One lick to self medication.
One lick to suicide.
Lick.
Lick.
Lick.




Crunch.

you told me you'd always
be there waiting to catch me for when or if I was ready to fall.

i would look down
and see you with your
outstretched arms and unwavering eyesight set on me.

all this time you've been ready for me,
and so one day i jumped.
i jumped to and for only you.
and as i made my descent i looked down to see you.
and i did. see. you.

but you were running to catch someone else.
someone that was ready before me.

this was the day i had chosen to trust you with my love.
this was the day that you broke me in more ways than one.

you arrived too early and faltered and i arrived too late and shattered.

{d.f. | 11/29/17}

i hope he loves you the way i never could