a sweet dewy afternoon
fills with looming clouds
and the dark grey skies
that settle over my eyes

the scratch of a record player
and a burst of static fills up
every corner of the room
thoughts in my mind are static

scratchy and skipping around
always bursting in annoyingly
during the best part of the song
intrusive and impulsive ideas

there the track skips a song
needle down another groove
losing track of the beginning
my mind down the rabbit hole

scrambled mind
scrambled eggs
an amalgamation
of cooked flesh
heated fever hot
something on fire
a burning house
ashes that remain
roses and posies
sickness of old
and of the new
brains on fire
breaking down
and broken up
till they're gone

It bruises purple underneath
a sick stain surrounds my eyes
skin slouching down in despair
a dark piece of evidence
lingering sadly on my skin

As I lock away the tiredness
further into my mind
where it settles in the emptiness
and stays in the hallow nights
when sweet sleep never reaps

My tired dragging eyes
rubbing sleep out of them
or rubbing deeper in?

An impression of exhaustion
in my sallow skin
or my fragile mind?

Cannot fall in love
without first loving yourself
or you know no love

Though social situations
claw at my heart
and make it frantic
the scariest company
I am ever with is within me

Because alone with myself
is like walking a minefield
every thought a calculated move
to not step on a bomb

No matter what other say
it isn't as scary as me
because I cannot run away
from my own thoughts

People tell me I am ugly
I know that I am nothing
my thoughts already know
I am worthless and disgusting

The darkness lives within me
waiting inside my mind
to drag me down from within
and strangle the air from my lungs

Sure other people are scary
and social situations tedious
but nothing you can't avoid
or grit your teeth through

But as I grit my teeth in a smile
a voice within shouts at me
and tells me sweetly my inadequacies
I listen to it as it picks at me

It tells me what I already know
what I know everyone thinks
it tells me I am not worthy
of affections or connections

The worst place to be
is anywhere that includes me
because being with myself
has the hardest company to please