How am I supposed to know my soulmate?

How can I make that decision?

How can I decide my fate?

I am still so young.

I love him right now,

But will I forever?

What if time goes by
and I can’t remember
the love he gave me
the joy I felt

What if he moves for me
only to regret his decision

What if I don’t want him around one day
but I’ve already committed?

How am I supposed to know my soulmate?

How can I make that decision?

How can I decide my fate?

I have so much life left to live.

I like it with you
but what if one day I don’t
I can’t see the future
but I hope that I won’t

I hope for a perfect life with you

but perfection is implausible

rushing feels illogical

but if I do not decide eventually

we may be separated eternally


I hope one day I can know

How to recognize my soulmate

How to make the decision

to change my fate.

What does it mean to be truly free?

I am not sure.

I know that I am not free, that I may never be.

But I am more free than others

Why does the government decide my freedom for me?

Why can’t I help those dying across the sea?

Why do they decide who I can be?

I’m not sure I’ll ever know true freedom
while living under this system

But I’m not sure how to escape, how to truly be me

Yesterday I noticed a few blonde hairs mixed in my chestnut brown hair

They blend in until I looked closer
Little strands barely there

They reminded me of when when I was a child

Sunny hair and a freckled face
Bright blue eyes and an always smile
Big front teeth and rosy pink lips

I forget what it felt like to have blonde hair
I forgot what it was to feel free

I know my childhood was not all smiles
Mostly rainy days and hiding away

But I cherish the moments when the sun came out
And I laid in the dewy grass talking to the trees

I remember now how I loved my blonde hair
That glowed under the shining stars

I remember now how I smiled when I looked in the mirror
Loving my reflection, my whole self

Now as I stare at those few blonde hairs
I remember how beautiful I can be
I remember the child that still lives within me

I hope she never leaves

Hi again,

I’m sorry I avoided you for so long

I’m sorry I hid from the past

Sometimes looking forward is easier than facing the present

For so long I’ve tried to forget parts of you

The parts that I’m afraid of





But to be my whole self

Means looking at all my pieces

Even the ones I tried to loose


I’m sorry I hated you

I’m sorry I stopped caring

I’m sorry I stopped thinking I was beautiful


I hope you can forgive me

For all my imperfect actions

For my ignorance

And for my fear



I hope you can love me again
Like you used to


Do you remember?

Did you notice I was gone?