It flies amongst the stars.
Flashes for a moment.
Despite the left scars.
Holds a place close, yet far.

It carries the fallen.
From mistaken paths.
To reaches impossible.
And develops new plans.

It creates new countries.
Raises dead soldiers.
Stamps unsung heroes.
With a feeling of free.

Hear its silent sound.
Open up your eyes.
Place it in your heart.
Elevate from the ground.

It helps us climb.
Better than rope.
Do you see its shape?
It is hope.

She sat on the 3 seat couch alone,
drink in hand and looking pretty.
Her mind somewhere else,
her foot tapping to the music.
Her glass was already 3/4th's gone,
and she only just got a refill.

As someone walks by,
she looks up and smile.
Trying to keep small conversation.
trying to hold herself together.
Fighting the tears behind her eyes
the pain of needing to let go.

But it's okay,
she is pretty and not at all in pain.
Her hair and makeup are perfect,
no indication that she wants to die.
So she downs the rest of her drink,
and sadly goes in to refill.

All this alcohol and it does nothing,
no numbness at all.
Only hazy thoughts bouncing back to you,
only you and always you.
She goes back to her couch and pulls herself together,
because girls like her aren't suppose to want to **** themselves.

I don't really want to die, I don't think
I like chocolate too much
To never taste it on my lips again, to never again watch someone smile,
Never again to feel my vocal cords rub against each other as I sing-
I don't know if I could really do away with those things.
I almost can't stand the thought of you and sis crying alone together in black, after all the time I've spent holding you two up when dad died,
But then I remember.
If I'm dead, it isn't going to matter to me. I won't have to care about you.
I won't feel a thing.
Only the living have to regret the dead.
People always tell me that life is worth it, but is it really? A bubble in the middle of nowhere where people shoot each other and kiss each other, and despite how grand it feels, it never means anything.
I'm pointlessly running step after step on a timeline to nothing. My legs are burning, my lungs are crying, so why shouldn't I just stop?
And god, it is tempting.
You know the moment when someone's grandma's irreplaceable glass vase first hits the ground?
It leaves you wincing, almost as if every crack that splinters its surface is being carved across your skin,
as if every tinkling shard can make your teeth chatter?
That is what I feel inside, every day. There is no word for it other than broken. My soul is shattered.
Never feel that again, never have to chase all those thoughts.
All those thoughts, I wish I could forget them.
Apparently, I hate myself? And I'm cruel to myself? I'd always just thought that this is what it was to be human.
To control every aspect of yourself- how you speak, how you sneeze, how you smile-
To have an average grade make you feel like a failure, because you could have put more in, and you're a worthless procrastinator, how dare you take a few minutes to write a poem when you have the tasks of others to attend to?
I believe with every bit of myself that other people matter more than me, but you can't live like that.
It's not that I want to hurt you, mom, sis, it's that I'm finally going to do something for myself instead.
I've enjoyed it while it lasted, but I think I'm done. I need to tap out, cancel my subscription. There's nothing left I want from life that death doesn't promise louder.

And then I remember chocolate and change my mind.

Staring into her brown eyes, I find myself lost

You, I whisper, almost afraid
For this is the first time there is hope of her actually listening to these words
I reach out, my fingers hover right under her chin

You I tell her
are beautiful
And you will survive
No, not just survive
You will live

I love you

I catch a smile flash across her face
And though it does not stay, it is enough for now

I leave my reflection in the mirror and hug my words close to my heart as I walk on my way

I love you

I hug the words in between all my broken pieces as I walk away

I was about to give up,
But then he loved me,
and kissed me,
and i saw the stars for what they were,
and not what wanted them to be; wishes.

I think i finally know what i want,
and i'm afraid to tell him,
but i know he wants the same thing,
an easy and simple forever,
he is the reason why i am still living; a survivor.

to get past the anxiety,
to get past the depression that consumes me,
to stop finding ways to blame myself,
and hurting myself because i was too weak,
he made me see the beauty in things; in our faults.

and i love him,
soo deeply,
soo wholly,
soo purely,
i love him more than i have ever loved and it feels good.

because i'm not afraid anymore

being alone
2. spiders
3. ghosts and demons
4. being watched by a ghost
5. creepy noises when I’m sleeping
6. my anxiety consuming me
7. my depression consuming me
8. the dark of my bad days
9. death…
10. you leaving me
11. you lying to me about how you feel
12. you cheating on me
13. you loving another girl while you’re with me
14. you just learning to love someone else
15. that I’m not enough
16. that I’m not enough for you…
17. that everything you have ever told me has all been a lie
18. that one day I will be a bad mother
19. that one day I will be a bad wife
20. that I will remain a bad person forever
21. that I might ever not learn to love myself the way I deserve
22. that I won’t be happy
23. that I actually am a bad person
24. that people talk about me behind my back
25. that no one actually likes me for who I am
26. that everybody is faking
27. that everybody really hates me
28. that I deserve all of this…
29. bugs
30. bats
31. ants
32. snakes
33. creepy old men
34. the internet
35. people who don’t know me
36. people who will hurt me
37. people who think I deserve the way they treat me
38. people who hurt me regardless
39. people who don’t care about me
40. being broken again and again and again…

How can I possibly be so deep inside my own head and still breathe?
How is there anything left in there for me to think?
The electricity pulses behind my eyes and
it hurts
Like live wires going supernova before they die
It hurts to think
It hurts to breathe
It hurts to be

Be the girl who broke the moon.

Be the wind. Be the rain. Be the thunder. Be the lightning. Be the fire that swallows the world.

Be the boy who gave it all.

Be the smell of yellowing pages and black ink. Be the clumps of snow falling on a dark winters night. Be the pink of the coming dawn. Be the sunrise. Be the spring-green leaves on reborn trees. Be the sunset and all the wonders of the night.

Be the person who holds it all in their hands.

Be the tobacco smoke drifting off a corn pipe. Be the smell of fog on a long drive home. Be the storm that rains bullets and stardust on old rooms with black roofs but with no ceiling.

Just be.

Be the blue of the ocean, or the blue of his eyes. Be the call of the siren or the stars in the sky. Be the one that knows the truth. Be the one who speaks it loud. Be the rebel yell. Be the heart of gold. Be the renegade fist. Be pixie dust. Be a silver wish.

Just be.

Be more than you ever imagined. Be better than you were the day before. Be who you wanted to be. Be the person you needed.

Be the girl who broke the moon.