The scars on my wrist,
Do not show who I am..
They only show what I've become,
And what I've become,
Is numb..

CUTTING

I cannot hold things in much longer-this I know
All feelings of anxiety, anger and fear must go
I sit on the edge of my bed just wondering how
Having an urge to get rid of these feelings right now

But, how, what am I to do
I need to think things through
In time an idea will come to me
That will set these horrible emotions free

Suddenly, I look down and see a box on the floor
What it contains is a single item and nothing more
I lift the box and bring it up to the bed
I do it very quietly and nothing at all is said

The box contains a knife that is brand new
I open it and stare at it knowing what I must do
I take the knife out while opening its blade, too
I could feel the adrenalin rushing-this was nothing new

First one cut, then two as they started to bleed
The release of pent up emotion is what I need
I get a tissue to soak up the blood that I see
It’s through these cuts my hidden emotions are finally set free

I asked my friend once
Why he cuts himself
His reply was completely sensible to me
Though others might say it was senseless
But so heart wrenching was the reply
So real that it made me cry

He said
I cut myself to make sure I'm alive
Because pain is the only emotion
That throughout my life
Has been able to thrive
But every time I cut, I think
If I can feel pain,
Maybe another emotion has survived

You see
There's this thread that is tied around my heart.
But it's not just tied around my heart
It's tied from my brain to my heart
To my soul to everything around me
To everything within me to all that surrounds me.

There are many things attached to this string
The closer they are to the end
Wrapped around my heart
The bigger the knot they form
And the bigger the knot is
The easier I can feel them

There is one emotion
I feel every single time my heart beats
That emotion is pain
Through past, present, future
Throughout my entire life
That emotion has never ceased

Pain is so close to my heart
On the thread of emotion
That maybe if I feel the pain
I'll be able to feel the emotion
That is one step further than pain
And then the emotion beyond that

I cut myself because if I can feel pain
I might be able to feel hope next
And I might feel happiness after that
And maybe, just maybe
Someday, because of the pain,
I'll be able to feel love

I asked my friend once
Why he cuts himself
His reply was simple
He said
Because sometimes,
Cutting is all that keeps us alive

People ask me why I cut
People say "Why would you do that?"
I'm too young to be this sad
People don't understand
I cut for me, I cut for pain
Emotional pain makes me sick
It is unbearable and all-consuming
Emotional pain in which I wallow
Physical pain is easier
Physical pain is short term
It allows me to Focus
Focus on the thin red line
The drops of blood pooling
I don't have to think at all
Nothing comes into my brain
Nothing but pain signals
No remembrance of ****
Abandonment and abuse
Cutting is my escape, my salvation
I am full of so many demons
When I cut I bleed them out
Each drop of red is a tear I've cried
Many tears and many red droplets
Physical pain overcomes me
Wraps me up in a ****** up blanket
Cutting is my drug, my escape
I am given the chance to numb
The ache in my heart is released
Through the valleys in my arm
Valleys carved into my flesh
Released through the blood
Pooling on the bathroom floor
A puddle of pain and demons
This is a puddle of me, all the
*****, nasty, unlovable, *******
Then there is a moment of bliss
That moment when I numb
Like right before they put you to sleep
The numb feeling of emptiness
I don't think about the demons
The demons in my head, screaming
They are no longer in my brain
They are in the puddle on the floor
No longer inside of me
Gone for a moment but not forever
Pain always comes back
This is why I cut, to quiet the pain

There once was a girl who would cry,
And every night she'd go home
And wish she would die
One day came home form school
And took out her tool
To find out cutting is the most ultimate high

A flash of silver,
A touch of steel.
I hold my breath as it makes me feel.

A stinging pain,
Oh, how I swore I'd never do it again.
A crimson line,
One more,
One more,
And one last time.

Pulling down the sleeves,
Smiling to please.
Feeling numb.

Wishing to hurt,
Wishing to cry,
Wishing to scream.
Why?
I'm tired of telling myself
"One last time."