It always seemed light years away.
I never thought the day would come,
or I'd even make it here.
It's unbelievable as to what happens by the time you turn 16.

You make mistakes,
but you have the best time of your life.

Trying drugs,
getting drunk.

Things I never thought I'd do.

All I can really say is this,
I made it.

Through the good and the bad,
I've made it.

The great bird is conceived in a glistening eye
a mythical wonder waiting to be formed
coiled in patience under palest skin
waiting to unfurl its majestic wings
a cold steel blade unlocks its cage
blood must flow to bring it life
its freedom found in fragmented bone
the bars that block its sight are pulled back
hands reach into the great cavern
grasping the wings to set them free
at last in splendour and magnificent awe
the blood eagle is seen to take flight and soar

There’s a devil in me trying to raise his face
there’s a god in me trying to put him in his place
a fight to fill the hole in my heart
but the battle is lost before they can start
soul electric, here to stay
pulls me apart need to make them pay
a million volts in a lightning kiss
re-align my core in symmetrical bliss.

Sleep brings colour and clarity to my day

Even as I am drying up I can feel the flow
I am able to listen to her needs without hearing her cries
her smile becomes contagious
I plan my day to escape to see her instead of from her

It's clear even as a 3 month old she is the light of my life.

Some call is crazy
Some say that it's sick
But I think it's freedom
The pain is fierce but quick
Some say that it's a sin
Just a little to risque
but it helps release the pain
That i go through every day
The blade is sharp and cold
As it runs across my skin
Leaving me to ponder
And decide how deep to cut in
The icy chill running down my spine
Makes me feel at ease
I no longer feel like a coward
**** up on everything with every breath i breathe
But some days i want to stop
Feeling like everything's wrong
Trying to let go of the blade
Sometimes i can but not for long
It's like i'm addicted to the pain
The feeling taking refugee in my veins
Leaving me feeling confused and alone
Wiping at the streaked tears that seem to be stained
Burned into into my skin forever
Becoming a part that i cannot escape
Sometimes i just want to hurt all over
To scream at the top of my lungs until the break
I want my escape from my sadness
It's taking over me
Why can't i just rest
Why won't it let me be
I just want to be free.

Gagged and bound,
gasping for air,
the feel of despair,
a small price to pay,
burning from the inside,
one way ticket, no return,
tears before darkness,
slipped into coma,
asphyxiation, the lovers choice,
soul rising higher and higher,
soaring to a greater height,
kiss the transcending being,
seek no longer to heal,
seek only for resolution.