Never had I imagined
that the feelings that
came along with him
coming back, would be
greater than those of when
he left.

Monkey bars/Deep scars
Shooting stars/Chasing cars
Apple pies/Broken cries
Bright skies/Teary eyes
Birthday cake/Smile's fake
Easy bake/Heart break
Matching games/Lighter flames
Picture frames/Lovers names
Car seats/Lonely streets
Candy sweets/****** sheets
Mommy's hug/Addictive drug
Lady bug/ Shoulder shrug
Candy shop/Speeding cop
Lollipop/Tear drop
Play toys/White noise
The child enjoys/The teen destroys

My mom once told me
"Looks can be deceiving,"
Is that why you smiled
As you were leaving?

“An old love will come back to you,”
said my fortune on the table,
but does my fortune cookie know
that I’m emotionally unstable?

“Learn Chinese- Expensive.”
that’s the word my cookie taught
but does my fortune cookie know
I had to sell all I had bought?

“Lucky number 41”
the first number that was listed
the exact amount left in my wallet
now isn’t that twisted?

“Lucky number 5”
the number of deaths I faced,
does my fortune cookie know
they’ll never be erased?

“Lucky number 12”
the 12th glass I am drinking,
does my fortune cookie know
the drunk thoughts I am thinking?

“An old love will come back to you,”
that’s what my fortune said,
but does my fortune cookie know
my only love is dead?

"the ones you love,
you hurt the most"
as if it's okay, because you're doing it out of love, right? it's okay to break them down, piece by piece until all that's left is broken fragments of the girl who once was, because it's out of love, right?

"the ones we love, we hurt"*
but you took "hurt" to the exact definition. and you gave no mercy.
i always thought the ones you love you don't dare ponder on harming, because they are everything delicate and everything you spend so much time building up.

so what is it you felt for me?

your hands bruised my body and the scars have made their home on my skin. still your words remain engraved into my brain, always reminding me i will never, nor was i ever, enough for you. and each night your kisses goodbye apologized for you and i was reminded *"i didn't mean it" more
than you ever reminded me you "loved" me.
i realize now that the monster you transformed into over our two years, was always there from our first "hello."
and there it will always stay.
*i just hope something in her
doesn't make you want to hurt her
out of "love," too.