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The more you know,
               The more you know you don't know.

I feel like I'm getting to know less of you...
              ... If that makes any sense.
Because even with you it's still not enough,
I still need more,
And it's not that it's any of your fault,
It's just that I've overdosed too many times.
It's like loading a bowl,
Then clearing it in one hit,
I never stop there,
I always keep going.
Sure, it feels good while it lasts,
But I know when I come back down to earth,
I'll only feel worse,
I'm just not high enough.
I need to feel that release,
I need to forget,
I need to leave,
Abandon everything I can't stand.
I'm addicted to those things,
Oxytocin that makes me want to try,
Dopamine that presents me true pleasure,
Serotonin that makes happiness last days.
But you see,
I've built up tolerance,
In every ounce of my body,
And any less can't suffice.
I want to say I love you,
But I'm not sure that it's true,
Or if I'm not done feeling good,
And I want to believe it's more true than it is.
But even still,
I just can't let you go,
I'm sorry,
But this is going to hurt.
Listening to MergingMoon's cover of Hit Me Baby One More Time helped inspire this.
I now present myself to you,
'Cause I know that I'm runnin' through,
These words and lines so much reused,
They've left my readers all confused,
And though some likely have diffused,
I hope the rest are still amused,
And if that ends right at the cue,
I hope I'm remembered like a favorite tattoo.

I present myself to you,
As the me you never knew,
Not the one of past times, blue,
But smarter, wiser, and renewed,
Now that I've learned to take a clue,
And I can see the moon,
I will admit you're still imbued,
Inside a heart that closed too soon.

I do present myself to you,
As one grown past that love taboo,
I've given up that old pursuit,
And thrown away what you first threw,
I've found myself and seek to spew,
What will become my great debut,
And though I'm independent, times two,
I hope you'll be proud when you see I grew.

And so I present myself to you,
Miss Yuki-yuki-yu,
Because I did make it through,
Even when away was where you flew,
And though what hasn't changed is few,
And I'm stuck again like glue,
The one thing that remains true,
Is that I still do love you.
If you were a coloring book,
I would be mad,
That after opening the cover,
There's no spaces left for me to color.

If you were water,
I would freeze you,
Immobile,
And gently stroke my fingers across your surface.

If you were wooden,
You'd be the finest sculpture,
That I would burn with every touch in every crease,
And leave ashen.

If you were an egg,
I'd take the utmost care to not drop you,
And the only place I would break your shell,
Is at the bottom where I'd fit perfectly.

If you were a string,
I'd tie you up tightly around me,
So that you could never leave me,
And I could always feel you on my skin.

If you were lava,
I would gladly burn off my flesh,
And I wouldn't hesitate to go inside you,
Because I'm used to feeling you down to my bones.
In response to WickedHope's poem "If I Were An Egg".
Yes, I'm that type of person.

I'm the type of person that gives up when it's hard.
I'm the type of person that can't stand to be alone.
I'm the type of person that's naturally depressed.
I'm the type of person that can't stand company.
I'm the type of person that's completely unmotivated.
I'm the type of person that forgets myself.
I'm the type of person that's emotionally weak.
I'm the type of person that changes by the hour.
I'm the type of person that has limited will power.
I'm the type of person that always sees what's wrong.
I'm the type of person that can't speak.
I'm the type of person that's often ignored.
I'm the type of person that doesn't pay attention.
I'm the type of person that rarely finishes.
I'm the type of person that allows chaos to happen.
I'm the type of person that can't always love.
I'm the type of person that has so much selfishness.
I'm the type of person that's stuck inside myself.
I'm the type of person that can't always see.
I'm the type of person that dwells in the dark.
I'm the type of person that becomes insensitive.
I'm the type of person that feels everything to the extreme.
I'm the type of person that dies at dusk every day.
I'm the type of person that tires much too quickly.
I'm the type of person that just doesn't care enough.
I'm the type of person that won't let you in.
I'm the type of person that has a low self-esteem.
I'm the type of person that raises my confidence by faking it.
I'm the type of person that's often getting lost.
I'm the type of person that's different.

Yes, I'm that type of person.

I'm the type of person that knows who I am.
I'm the type of person that gets back up to try again.
I'm the type of person that isn't afraid to ask.
I'm the type of person that offers help, even when you don't need it.
I'm the type of person that remembers what it felt like.
I'm the type of person that sees a person's soul.
I'm the type of person that usually thinks things through.
I'm the type of person that doesn't regret mistakes.
I'm the type of person that strives to be better.
I'm the type of person that has so much to give.
I'm the type of person that's concerned when you are not.
I'm the type of person that tries to be happy.
I'm the type of person that accepts the ones around me.
I'm the type of person that tries to understand.
I'm the type of person that still tries to work hard.
I'm the type of person that enjoys every silence.
I'm the type of person that dwells in notes of music.
I'm the type of person that won't stop loving.
I'm the type of person that forgives in an instant.
I'm the type of person that knows how to relax.
I'm the type of person that works towards perfection.
I'm the type of person that sees the good in people.
I'm the type of person that accepts my own differences.
I'm the type of person that is firm in my beliefs.
I'm the type of person that is open to change.
I'm the type of person that accepts my sexuality.
I'm the type of person that tries to be pretty.
I'm the type of person that can possess so much confidence.
I'm the type of person that is one with mind and heart.
I'm the type of person that creates peace around me.
I'm the type of person that knew you before you did.
I'm the type of person that you won't forget.

Yes, I'm that type of person.

But most importantly, I am myself.
I will meet you when you are yourself.
And I won't forget you.
So, please, don't forget me.

Yes, I'm that type of person.
At this point,
3.047619% of you
Are satisfied with what I've provided,
For you.
I'm wasting my money away,
Like its alive and running astray.
My first pay check disappeared,
Before they knew what they feared.
When I'm down and oppressed,
The one way I can still express,
That I'm myself, not any less,
Is to spoil myself with things in excess.
My mother clearly thinks I'm stupid,
That I'm only young and deluded.
And my father, with his selfish sneers,
Expects monetary repayment for a debt of 18 years.
So with their own uneducated impressions,
And their age-induced mindset regressions,
They give in to their control obsessions,
And provoke all my hidden depressions.
And when I can't make use of drugs,
Or feel the pleasure of lustful hugs,
The only thing I've left to do,
The only way to make it through,
Is spend and spend all that I can,
Use all what's left inside my hand,
Prove that all their reprimand,
Has no authority, gives no command.

Yet the only purpose for all this ridiculous strife,
Is to demonstrate that I'm the one who controls my life.
Hope you'll dig it. I know they're somewhat right, that it's stupid to waste my money, but it makes me feel less ******. It kind of eases the pain and pressure of feeling under-acknowledged as a human.
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