I was here
So unknown
Done so well
Yet my story untold.

Made a mark
Noticeably unseen
I gave to the lack
Paid back with sin.

I was here
No one cares
I pleaded for air
The response scares.

To me the world was deaf
I had Spoken so soundly
None gave an ear
To me, I had paid my debt
Watching quietly
As my words remind them I was here.

I have a badge, an official hat
I know the law, but have no heart
Run your best, I am in uniform
In this attire, my integrity is deformed.

I have a shield, Sirens and gun
I love your chains, I hate your guts
In your best days, your innocence is guilt
Even in your grace, all I see is filth.

You take me as your saviour
Well, I can't, I have lost that savour
My evils shine night and in daylight
In 9 minutes, my protection will take your life.

Your 'I can't breathe' we only give you a grave
Be still, it is televised, you will enjoy the rave
I don't war alone, my demons are with me
You are not alone, there have been and there will always be.

You can call me names, but the deal is done
You can agitate all day, what next when all is said and done?
You can chain me, there are millions with my mind
It is not a war for the street, it is a war of the mind.

I am a man with so many wounds
I have been beaten for all my truths.
Yes, I get injured everyday
But I am always expected to bury my pain.

I am a traveller burdened by so many routes
Knowing nothing but expected to always know what to do.
My mind is a bank of unanswered questions
And yet, when doubts come, I am seen as a solution.

You can see why I always sweat in pleasures
I am always faced with faceless pressure.
My heart is a battlefield of countless thoughts
And my spirit is always busy knocking on locked doors.

So, don't be deceived by my smile,
I am not always fine.
I always wear oversize with shallow pockets
Working like a man fetching water in baskets.

Don't mind my suit,
Life has not been gentle to me too.
I am a man of faith,
Attempting a miracle everyday.
I am tired of hiding my story
But I am not asking for your sorry.
We all have our wars
And yours may be worse.

Hence, take me as a brother in the struggle
When you finally have enough, don't forget others in the circle.
I am still a man with so many wounds
I am rose-coloured that my healings will come soon.

One day I will transit beyond
My strives and thrives to drop.
Then, you will tell tales of my kindness
Or tales of my weakness
Lo, I won't hear none!

With time, I will be a memory
Once in a while you will remember my stories
My smiles or nags will flash in your mind
You may regret for not being there
You may even doubt my being holy.

Well, one day I will be gone
My body in the ground alone
And spirit in another world.
No more me to hate or love
Time to count your gain or loss.

One day I will be dust
Left alone with no more lust
My sins and truths before Him
That moment to harvest my truths and faults
The one that outweighs one determines my cross.

Indeed, one day you will wake up in the cold
You will meet my body with no soul
What will be the reason for your cry?
Or will you celebrate it with a smile?
Surely, one day will define our vain lives.

Sometimes we try to hide our fears
By trying to fake a smile
We take pleasure in shutting down people
From unnecessary facets of our lives.
Due to the unfriendly moments we are caged in,
We cannot even pretend to be there anymore
Neither can we keep faking that smile like we used to.

We fight and quarrel about every little thing
No, we **** ourselves in loneliness fighting against the love we have for them
Slowly, steadily, and surely our love for them grow to be hatred
But deep down within us, we stop loving ourselves thinking that we have succeeded in killing our love for them.
And then emptiness set in
Bitterness that was never anticipated starts to overwhelm us.

Everyday breaks and birth more regrets
Leaving you wishing that you have a time machine to turn back the hands of time
And that time machine is never found
And that time machine keep forging forward
The avoidable moment has been created
And like a healed wound, the scar never leaves your heart
And you keep waking up to a wet pillow every morning
And every laughter around you begin to sound like mourning
I should have done better
No, I should have faced the little things that matter
Maybe, I should have been more considerate and more flexible with my principles
I shouldn't have been too scared to be disappointed
I should have just listen a bit more and talk a bit less
I should have sacrifice my huge ego on the altar of happiness with self
I should have known that nothing last for ever but moments do.

My palms are growing wet
Sweat has covered my trigger
Night and day in enemies nest
Operating like battalions of mere singers.

I fight 21st century with 20th century bullet
Blood on my face, wounds yielding deeper
In shattered body my brethren in uniform rest
Unjust funding makes our defence wall weaker.

Father, I am in a wilderness fighting a shapeless war
No back ups, no one is watching out for our fall
Like we are dying for those who don't care about us
Our enemies are in golden armor while we ride on horse.

Mother, did the demise of my gun brothers makes the headlines?
I heard the 'next level' was lunched on that day
And my superiors disown us to dine at the front line
Well, don't cry yet, I'm still alive at least for today.  

Oh, my palms are wet and my hopes like a thread
My eyes shed more tears than the blood my gun sheds
We are too weak to keep pulling these triggers
Aso Rock, upgrade us now or take us home to our fathers.