i’m not dead,

not yet.


though i wish to be,

i think i’ve found the one again.

lie to me.

tell me that you love me,

tell me that everything will be okay.



sometimes
you
have
to
lie.

tell me im a joke to my face
tell me im a **** up to my face

do it.

stop running your mouth behind my back.


i already know you're doing it

so just

please.


stop.

i found someone, right?
i dont believe it.
i cant believe it.
the fact that she "loves me"
i simply dont believe it.

i cannot believe it.

past experiences.

forced relationships.

being blamed for breaking ones heart.

as i was forced into being with them.

"its a favour"
he said.

before he pushed me towards his FIANCEE.

he told me to date his FIANCEE.

he forced me to ask out his FIANCEE.

and so i did.

afraid of getting hurt.

you know who you are, thomas.

you know who you are.

please just,

apologize.

you know,

i found someone now.

and i cant ******* accept it.

because you,

forced me into a relationship.

after that,

after primal forced me to be with him too.

i

stopped

loving.

alice,

just break up with me.

be with hailey.

i know you dont love me.

where two people decide to love each other for life
for eternity
with a metal bands on their fingers,

a legal document that shows
that they are in love with their person
that their person loves them

you spend tons of money
to celebrate the love you've felt for
a single person
for however long you have loved

.

i think you're the one,

my darling.

this was an accident

before we started
dating.

we got matching sweaters!

here's

the catch

though.


two matching sweaters
two people dating
a couple.

but,
two different countries.

i have my sweaters,

to remind me

of you.


when i miss you the most

when i need you the most.

ill just
put in on and think about you.

i
have
no
reason
to
live
.
.
.
i think
i should talk
to my
psychiatrist
about
that
medication.

destroyed friendships,
destroyed life,

nothing was okay.


but maybe that’s what you wanted.

maybe us doing this was all part of your stupid game.


a stupid trap.


that we all fell into.

i love you.

you make me feel so many things that i thought i lost

only today, did i realise how much i ******* love you.

i felt it.

i knew it was there,

i just didn't know i loved you so much.

i didn't know that id end up like this

****.


you're so far away,

i cant touch you.

i cant see you.

i cant kiss you

i cant hug you.


but at least i can talk to you



im so grateful for you

you break me,
destroy me
physically.

some days
i hate you
more than
i love you.

how could i hate
something that i
love so dearly?

i dont know.

this cant be happening

i cant be falling for her again.

****.

no no no no no no no.

she likes her.

so

ill stop.

just like how i forced my feelings for you out of my heart.

listen to me,

im not gonna hurt you, okay?