The dark expanses of love is the downfall of many ones lives.
Look down and see the lock, yet no key.
Do you see the hole carved into my chest?
Dark and forbidden, forever hidden from view.
Fever makes my blood run cold.
Clammy hands clasp onto your soul.
Saccadic and scarred, look me in my eyes tell me about the lack of love within you, and I’ll tell you about mine.

“She’s the queen of deceit, with her lies getting smarter. With every tale told she draws herself even farther. Finding out why she’s so emotionally bothered is unfathomable. She suddenly finds herself all alone with nobodies thoughts but her own, this is the time when she’d pick up the phone, demanding a savior to hear her bemoan. But what she doesn’t know is that a friend can’t atone for the lack of a man with his patience to loan to a lost little girl whose temper is known”

“A liar stands amongst my white walls. Oh, how many thick coated wolves I’ve welcomed into my own little solitary world, but never once would the wolf turn against its brethren. Black sheep you are so weak, so meek, your importance to me wavers. Saving yourself, shielding, but suffering. I’ve sniffed you out. Sever your tongue, shave your lies, and tear at the seams. Take off your disguise, I have seen you so many times. The raven vists me in the darkest of nights, leaving a feather of doubt in the morning light. A messenger whom hasn’t visited in nearly a year, yet here she is, invading my unconsciousness. The raven keeps me fed, liar. The raven shows me your true face, a face turned from me, a face not so fierce, not so fearless anymore”

“She whispers through the seams of my pillow with her rasping voice like rewinded records. The anxious beads on my forehead remind me of the dread soon to follow, prayers slip through my teeth like water. With a clenched fist I fight fire with fire. Silken wings lift me beyond this savored reality. Into the depths of my mind we go, sealing our fate. Here I finally see all of your pent up lies, look me in my eyes, tell me one more time. Can’t you tell me all of your secrets? I’ll tell you all of mine. I’ll tell you how I can see the flicker of doubt behind your closed eye, how I can hear the hesitation in your rapidly beating heart. I can feel every decision you make, so when your direction changes I’ll see them before you can direct them from my mind. I’ve captured them all within dreams of mine. Please, just do not lie, I always know, for my raven shows”

“The anguish inside of me is never ending. I am infected with this pain and heartache that’s been bestowed upon me. Anger is resilient in my heart, anger at myself, anger for letting this pain chip away my sanity. I’ve lost it, I lost it the day I lost you.

The loss of your love was earth shattering to the very core. It’s worse than death. You’re alive, and well, living on in this life with normality, while I sit here, with this pent up animalistic sorrow inside of me clawing away at my insides. I’m constantly fighting myself, figuring out ways to best myself.

Trying to drown out this type of monster is like emptying the whole ocean, unheard of, impossible. I tug and pull at this lifeline that somehow connects me to you. It’s a line that will never be broken, not even in death. Like an imprint on my very soul, my heart, bones my own flesh. It’s flooded my veins infecting my blood. I cannot reconnect with anyone ever again, and it pains me endlessly knowing that I will always have this sense of dread inside of me, this knowing how incomplete I really am.

You bask in this, if you ever knew it, like really knew, would you be saddened? No, you wish for me to feel this pain, to never move on from your blue eyes and dimples, you relish in this pain and it only causes me more unimaginable destruction.

Death waits for me, with his greedy hands covered in thick black tar. In the late of nights he comes and whispers sweet nothings into my ear, and each word gives my heart an endless amount of yearning. This headache, this reminder of you is what pins me down back to reality, it keeps me here.

I’m painted black, I’m stained by this angry devil inside of me. Death is so promising, so good, powerful. It’s cold very cold, but it gives me a distraction from your lost warmth. His tar covered hands cannot drag me to his lovely palace of nothing, no matter how much I beg, I’m simply too heavy. It seems my body rejects deaths poison each time. It’s my own undoing, the karma that will be with me until the end of time. The universe taunts my brokenness by sending your handsome face and beautiful words into my dreams, and when I refuse the beckoning of your blue eyes, the world sends me monsters and the repetition of your harsh words and cold darkened eyes, reminding me of who is really in control. You’ve won like no other has before. I congratulate you on your sour victory. I will bask in the sadness of you for eternities.”

“Remember me as I once was. As I was with you. Remember my laughter and uncontained excitement for the coming winter, finally to see snow for the first time. Remember me telling you how your callouses and rosy cheeks just made you more perfect for me. Remember me as the girl who embraced you from behind, someone who stole your breath away with just a couple of kisses. The girl who showed you what intimacy could be like. Remember the feel of my skin brushing lightly against yours, the heat and excitement rushing through one another, having to stop and catch our breaths. Remember the way my ribs felt underneath your hands, slowly, and nervously moving, but never going too far. Remember me as the girl who ran into the sunset racing to reach an invisible finish line. Remember the kicking pine cones all the way to your front door. Remember the endless hand holding, movie watching, laughter, games played and happiness we gave one another. Remember the winding backroads taken, the beautiful views you showed me for the first time. Remember you showing me around your small town, driving to the gas station and playing our favorite songs and singing off tune on our way back.

Don’t remember me as the girl who broke your heart twice. Each time a whisper of cold wind against your cheek as a goodbye. Don’t think about how we barely made it to May, how we never got to see that snow. Don’t remember the ignored messages, the silence that I let fill the space between us days on end. Don’t remember me as the girl who stumbled into different men’s lives only months later, confused as ever. Don’t remember the Sundays I didn’t show up. Don’t you dare dwell on the words that should’ve been said. Don’t remember me as the one who promised you forever only to start a family with someone completely different. Because I never wanted to hurt you no matter what it seemed. Just please, try and remember us laughing excitingly with one another in the sun talking about our future together and aspirations.”