I have been crying every day                                                              ­       I  have let pain get in the way                                                              ­       of  the blessings that I have received                                                         ­ I've  been down and I've been out                                                                     forgotten  what livings all about                                                            ­     It's  time I enjoy all that I've achieved                                                         ­    I  raise my hands and say a praise                                                                Start a fire and let it blaze                                                            ­          Let  it  burn for an eternity                                                         ­        Take  all  my hurt and suffering                                                        ­          leave  it scorched and smoldering                                                       ­        from the ashes  I'm a phoenix rising

God, I stand here before you                                                                just a  simple broken human                                                            ­        In   the  past  I've  been  defiant                              ­                                   but  bless me with divine guidance                                                         ­ I've  been  brought down to my knees                                                            ­  seen  my darkest hours ,so please                                                           ­  could  you bring your light to me                                                               I  am in need of your mercy                                                            ­                       I  know that I  may have strayed                                   ­                         but  I  have never lost my way                                                              The path  to  you brings brighter days                                                  and  I've always had strong faith                                                          Lift me up, give me strength                                                         ­              give me courage so I ascend

Melted down to nothing                                                                                I  have been forged into steel                                                            ­                     I  am finally becoming                                                         ­                                 as  strong as I feel                                                             pressure's  been  applied                                        ­                                                heat  has  reshaped me                                                               ­                       I'm no longer broken  inside                                                   ­   I am double edged and deadly

You are  always the victim, never to blame                                                            ­                               the first one  to cry  when  caught  up  in your games                                                            ­                                        Chaos  and  drama, the storm you've created                                        fueled  with vengeance, malice and self-hatred                                                      ­                                        Those  fake  tears you cry, your bid for attention                             hoping  someone will buy your faulty perceptions                                     When  confronted with truth, you run and hide                                           manipulate and gaslight with bold faced lies                                       Pull  others into believing you are innocent                                              of  the facts that you choose to misrepresent                                          I  don't need to be the one to put on blast                                               soon  or later, you'll catch fire and crash

You took out all of your pain on me                                                               ­      a transference of negative energy                                                           ­            But you couldn't stand who you really are,                                                         and  you made me your blind nurturer                                                 Well that's where I really went wrong                                                    because I was strong  all along                                                                       and all  that strength  was too much                                                            No  one  could  ever love you enough                                                       I  took ownership of your projected flaws                                              that  didn't even   exist in me at all                                                  The  flaws  that  lived inside of you                                                              ­  before you and I and after us too                                                             Until  you deal with the way you feel                                                  you  won't  ever be able to fully heal                                                            So  while you're pointing fingers at me                                                        take  a good look at yourself and you'll see                                              You're  the host  to a parasite that's digging in                                        can't  you feel it crawling under your skin?                                              I  can't be the person who draws them out                                               you  are filled with hatred and self-doubt                                              I've  seen this pattern a thousand times before                                             It's everyone else's fault; it is never yours

After  years  of  you  giving me the silent treatment                                                        ­                                          if  no  one  calls  I  think  it's because  of a disagreement                                                     ­                             Because  of  your consistent  lack  of communication                                                    ­                  sometimes  when  I talk, I forget people are listening                                                        ­         Convinced I am never enough or  I'm too  much                                                        ­                                                I overdo for others in hopes of earning their love                                                             ­                                                     Under your  sense of grandiose entitlement                                                      ­                                                      I've  put myself last and under your judgement                                                        ­                                                    With persistent efforts to  disrespect me                                                                                                                          I  over explain and apologize habitually                                          I've  accepted bread crumbs of your affection                                                        ­                                             a love  concocted of toxin and poisonous venom

I wish the rain would pour down                                                             ­    and  flood this garden I'm forever tending                                                 Submerge  and deluge the ground                                                           release me from this chore, never ending                                        I've  been  relentless and loyal                                                            ­   shining  my  light until it went dim                                                            Had my hands ***** with this soil                                                         despite  repeated handwashing                                                      ­    I  have  yet to see us flourishing                                                      ­         we  can't grow in this sour ground                                                             No  matter how much nourishing                                                     our  love's leaves are dried and brown