tell me something,
lonely soul

does being a *****
truly make you

feel


more



whole?

"You're so talented"
Until they find out it's because writing is the only way to keep me from losing sanity

"You're so mature"
Until they find out it's because i was forced to grow up way too fast

"You're so responsible"
Until they find out i ran away at 13

"You're such a good friend"
Until they find out i have a different personality for each one of them

"You're so helpful"
Until they find out that no matter what i do, i can't say no

"You're such a good Christian"
Until they find out i'm gay

"You're such a pretty girl"
Until they find out i'm not even a girl

"You're such a good brother"
Until they find out i almost killed mine

"You're so strong"
Until they find out i almost gave up

i looked him in the eyes
and watched as his tears fell
leaving behind a pit in my chest
and a pain i couldn't tell

oh i wish i could go back
and unsay the things i've said
and keep the pain and agony
trapped away within my head

so instead i did the next best thing
and promised what i cant
planting there a seed of lies
a beautifully tragic plant

and yes it left a sour taste
as the words left my tongue
but it's better than that hollow pain
that was sitting on my lungs

i looked him in the eyes
and watched as his tears fell
and sold him lies priced as true
the best truth a liar can sell

i'm dying from the inside out

some die from the outside in
like by a car
or a train
but this is like caner
like cancer in my brain

silent until deadly, until silent once again
killing me slowly, trapped in my body
living within me
waiting me out, i'll be dead by first light

so on my tombstone
please don't write:
died by car or train

write:

died in vain
died by strain
died from me, killed by me
slain by my own brain
murdered by my own body
set free, freed solely by me

she died from the inside out, can't you see?