Isn't it selfish that
I wish you were hurting?
Isn't it crazy that
I'm glad that you're okay
at the same time?
Isn't it mind blowing that
you make me feel everything and nothing
at the same time?
Isn't it stupid that
I still think you're the one?

Are these memories miracle
or a life-long curse?
Are you listening to the songs
that bring me back to you?
Cuz I don't feel like I'm mentally here
Sitting in my lonely chair.

Do your days get a little bit longer
and nights get bit a little bit colder?
Do your favorite love songs
still make you feel the same way like they always do,
Or are they ripping your heart out?
Do your distractions and your coping mechanisms
still work like they always do
Or are you feeling like you're self-destructing?

I thought I figured it all out
I thought I found my way out
Now I feel like there never was a way out
I knew it would not be easy
I never knew it would be this hard

If you ever keep a bird
One day he'll tell you
That he wanna get away
That he wanna break free the cage
Not knowing he'll lost his way home
Roaming around missing you
For all eternity.

My coffee's getting cold
My pain's aching slow

Oh, all these lost dreams
and river of tears streams
I'm every child's Dream
But my child-self's nightmare
I am glowing like the sun
They cherish me
But they don't know I burn

My coffee's getting cold
My pain's aching slow

Last night I dreamed
That i was living in my dream
But note that I can't practically live
in my dream
The breeze blew right through me
I leaned against a wall but I sank in it
That's when I noticed
That was my dream in my dream

Woke up to a boring alarm
I touched the screen and it stopped right then
My heart sank in as I realized
I was very much alive
So I live on...
The same nightmare everyday

My old man told me
We were born to thrive, to survive
So I thrive to survive
Is there a reward for it? NO...
More punishment came
For I lived
So I have to live

My coffee's getting cold
And my pain's aching slow

One day, I may get everything i dream of
End this pain once and for all
But for now,
I sit here to grip my sanity tighter
Before it slips away any farther

'cause my coffee was getting cold
and my pain was taking my soul.

Luck is about timing
The right timing is best luck ,
we can ever be blessed with

This tragic was started with a magic
A chemical, a bond what ever you may say
The right match was not an enough luck
Together we had all we ever wanted
But one thing we lacked
A good timing forged by the best luck
So now our hearts are broken
In the opposite of happy ever after

I'll find you in every soul I meet
You'll find me in every book you read
This curse doesn't have to end
We'll love again
We'll live merry
Keeping the very pain coming from
A love we once had lost

Nature is slowly moving around us
One moment, there's a cloud
in the shape of something I love
And next second, it was just gone.

If we concentrate a little,
we can feel the sky moving in slow motion
The golden lining on leaves and branches
The flapping sounds of little wings
Added to them was the water sound from my aquarium
Nature is the only place I feel like home.

What are those little sparrows quarrelling about?
When did those flowers bloom?
How do those little birds remember their way back home?
There is no sign on the sky

Oh Mother Nature,
You are the mother I could trust
Embrace me in your arms and
Reveal all your wonderful secrets to my heart
How do you draw golden linings on everything the sunshine touches?
How do you wake the world up when I was crying in my lonely bed?
How do you move the sky too slowly but so fast at the same time?

Here I am looking at another group of clouds
They look like those hills I saw in Mandalay
And while I was writing the previous line,
they broke apart into shapeless ashes

All those climate changes and deforestations,
I thought it was you whom we must save
But when I'm at your home,
you seem so undamaged and
Did I realize, it is us
whom we must save.

You're gonna take over the world again
And we, the sinister human species,
will be washed away unwittingly
This will be the end and may be a new beginning
I don't feel sorry for us
I long for that day
When you will finally take over again
And everything will heal from the damage we had done.

When things go south and you realize there is no one you can count,
sit in the corner and cry your heart out.

Your life is too dark for any of your friends to relate to;
no wonder they never wanted to listen to.

Write things down and listen to songs;
and you'll be cancelling out every sound.

Feeling everything and nothing at once,
this feeling of numbness along with agony,
You're being burnt alive but no one could ever see these mental wounds
It needs more than a thermometer to measure this heat and agitation

The mercury keeps dropping and your heart keeps burning
until the pain reach to a point where
everything and nothing matter anymore, nothing left but ashes and dusts
to a point where nothing left but emptiness

In books, you cried for those helpless
Now, here you are crying for yourself
And when you cry, you don't cry: no tears, no sobs,
not even a sad face
Just with your poker face that nobody could read

"This is just life" you mumbled, sometimes a little out loud
But what did you do wrong except being born?

My dear amazing girl,
I know we've been keeping in touch, but I miss you so much
Not your touch but your love
I know
I know there sure must be other sides
But the side you show towards me
It's just full of love that I almost forget
That I could never be that full of love

My life is a mess (I know everyone else's too)
But with you and all your love, I almost thought my void was gone
As if I was completely whole
But who am I to deserve your love?
Messing things up is what I do best
And we were too young to love

The way you still treat me with the same love and respect
I can't help but wonder myself
Inside of you, is there even a single thing as near as hatred?
I know I've been bad, how can you not hate me instead?
Even I hate myself
Even when you had taught me how to love me

I am fire, I burn everything I touch
I have to stop this little moth from diving into me
You have wings that can fly, leave me in ashes as I burn
Don't love the way I lie
You would never be able to smile, with this a-thousand-degree fire of mine.

Beth, I saw you packing up your clothes
That’s when I realized I had so much to lose
Rumors... this time they were true
It’s such a shame that I had no ******* clue

Jack said “when someone has stopped loving you, there’s nothing you could do to fix that”
I told him “I know my Beth, she’ll come around”

Beth, what did you see in him that I don’t have?
I would take you to the moon if you’d love
You know I hate to beg
But here I’m on my knees, can you please come back?

Beth, I know that I’ve been bad
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make it up to you, you know that
Beth, the love of my life
Don’t take this away from me
I know I ****** up but please stop packing things up

Beth, please...
I promise to be better
I won’t get angry again for any matter
Beth, my world is small
‘Cause you’re just 5ft tall
Don’t you know it’s the end of the world when you don’t love me anymore.

Ignorance is a hidden blessing
You never knew you were lucky
'cause you didn't know
With great knowledge
Come the great responsibility
And that followed by the brutal torment
But I was young and ignorant
All I wanted was the amusement came from enlightenment

The more I know, the more I wish I never knew
People are sinners, this world is full of liars
They were in disguise in the form of angels in my once immature eyes
The moment I could see pass through their facade
My whole world did fall apart
Someone please save me from this cruel truth
I beg for mercy but to no avail
What was I thinking? Hysterically did I laugh
This was everything I ever wanted

Oh my dear,
You of all people...
Oh my dearest, how do I live with this truth?
You were the one thread I was holding
to keep me from falling into the endless abyss of despair
My dear, now I have to let you go after I had known
After I had known, you are not what you're claiming to be
You are one of those from whom you told me to avoid
I'd better listen to your words
So I'm better off leaving now

Goodbye love,
My love for you still burning bright in my heart
Which adds up to the torment I am now suffering
I sang the song you used to sing,
Bringing back the old you from my memory
But that only adds up more torments into my suffering
I'm falling, my love
I'm falling with nobody to catch me

Here I am, in the abyss
I looked up and saw a light
The light which is glowing brightest in her pretense
I think I will survive the rest of my days with the memory of you
Even though it adds to my torment
I'd cling onto the old you in whom I had found my safe haven

Welcome to my little world,
Take a seat and hear me speak
Things are a little bit different here
Happiness is the calm before another storm
Look at the birds, they don't sing happy songs
Rain doesn't often come but doesn't mean weather's fine
Everything's in black & white
Time runs backwards and future's no more
You and I are here in the Past
Don't ask me where other people are
They all had to leave just like you'll have to
While you're here, leave some sadness behind
It's in the air you breathe, in the ocean and even in the sky
So why don't you add some in this huge collection?
Have you noticed yet?
We are sitting but we aren't touching any ground
Apparently there is none, oh don't freak out
Things in my world just float around
We drift aimlessly here and there
Look around and enjoy your visit
It's comfy and cool here
Let's drift aimlessly together
Until you feel like "what's the point here?"
Then you leave me and my little world behind
Cuz me and my little world,
We can never be saved from this constant sadness and aimless floating.

Everything that my mind whispers
It's just a matter of time that I start doing them in reality
Doc said take a deep breath in
Count it one, two, three

One, two, three
I hate having walls around me
Wanna crash them with my fists 'til they break
or 'til i break

One, two, three
Grab my bag and leave here forever
Or grab a knife and end it for ever and never

Everything that my mind whispers
It's just a matter of time that I start doing them in reality
I counted one, two, three and breathed in as the doc said
Everything stopped, I felt my own heartbeat in my throat
But nothing changes, I'm still nothing but a broken promise

That was it, everything started all at once again
It's just in my head but it's a matter of time that I start doing them
My fish jumped out of his tank I watched and cried while he struggled for life
I don't know why I didn't put him back into his tank
But I struggled with him for his life
'til his last jolt as I sobbed
I wonder where he is now, it feels good to think he can be anywhere
In the nothingness, in the afterlife, in heaven
But not hell, that'd be so unfair
He'd been there while he was with me

When life became so tiring, death seems so welcoming
I took a deep breath in
One... two... three...
Everything that my mind whispers
And it was a matter of time...

It wasn't like in the movie
Time didn't stop
No music played
when you walked into to my life
I wasn't blinking
for a split second can't be missed

I had a hard time deciding
where I sit
when I sit with you
cuz I wanted to watch you eat
and I wanted you beside me at the same time

My sister said "yes, your heart skipped a beat
but it isn't a heart desease,
cuz boy, you are in a much bigger trouble"
And I didn't get what she said
No one told me what's it like being in love

But I sat in the middle of the night,
writing poems about you
I was listening to songs
every single one dedicating to you
and every pretty thing I saw
reminded me of you

I never missed to smell your hair
I would kiss your hand at every chance
Every joke was to make you smile

Now I see you in the smoke I blew outside the window
Years ago, if someone told me about this
I would mock at them,
saying "move on, don't make it big a deal"
Now it is two years later,
my hands on the letters,
pressing one by one as I'm thinking of you
and one by one, the moments reappear
I still feel you all over me, touch by touch
but we've walked away from each other, step by step
I have to admit that tonight I moved one inch back to you
and I think I've been doing this inch by inch
but when I look around,
I'm in the same place as the last time I checked
when I thought I walked away


I might've chuckled dryly at the irony
I was right where I left you,


Right where I left you.

That feeling when you look at something
Just a glimpse of that something fill your heart with a warm sensation

You look at that and you absorb it in your memory
that you almost believe it was yours
But that something never was yours
And you know it never will be

But you don't feel sad about it
You're just happy because
that something exists
You're glad that someone has it

That's when you realize, you can survive life this way.

You walking beside me was a familiar feeling
Our lives were so small, we walked around the mall
All the cafes and movie theatres
Silently reading, softly kissing
I'd grab you and continue if you shy away
oh those were the days, we'd go all the way

YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING
What did 'everything' mean to a 15 year old?
I don't know, probably ***** and partying
Smoking was a superior behavior
and they worshipped the rich rappers
Got off from the drama and fights based on practically nothing
But I knew everything
Cuz I knew you and you were my everything

Funny thing is I've lived 2 years without everything,
Miraculously fine
Maybe because a broken heart can still beat
Or maybe because everything and I still talk
Today everything was in my bed,
and all I wanted was to know how that book I was reading was gonna end
I thought I was such a reckless kid
How. Did I draw a line so fine?

I think I don't believe in love anymore
Cuz my dad cut me off at 18 for a reason I don't know
But I still believe in everything
If she ever kiss me again,
I may believe in love again and won't un-believe it ever again.