(This was inspired by Pradip's comments on
      an old  poem  of mine,  "Anticipation."
          It's been a year since...and i still
             go back to that poem, to read
                his words.....to recall the
                    countless waitings i
                        went through in
                              my life.)


Pradip Chattopadhyay › Anticipation
Anticipation is such a perfect word Sally for the hopeful wait.
Let's hope we come out of it more resilient more humane.



THE HOPEFUL WAIT

We wait for something to
take place...desperately,
we count the days, the hours,
for a wish to materialize,

a small voice whispers
encourages us to hang on,
to not think of the waiting
as a difficulty,
like, a cross to bear,
because.....it is not...

the waiting time, the passing
hours, are journeys where
epiphanies unfold, and clarify
our dimmed perspectives.

while we wait, while battling
adversity and weariness,
we must make sure to fortify
our faith, our determination,
our patience, and not go the
opposite way...

some may not agree...but, there is
wisdom in what could be, where
none is certain...we see its beauty
when recalling the waiting.....life
teaches us to welcome, to embrace
the uncertainty....to trust the wait.

............
.........
.....


sally b

© Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
  November 27, 20

First it's the knees that let us down
Then it's our back and Our arms
Next we lose our balance
And we struggle to move along.

We worry about all kind of things
Paranoia is no ones friend
Problems increase and mutiply
They just never seem to end.

Now our teeth they start to crumble
No longer the grinding mill
We go to the dentist often
We.have certain teeth to be filled.

Our taste buds start to fail us
And we struggle with our sight
We would love to go out in the evening
But we get scared when it's dark at night.

Do you remember when we were younger
When we were in our youth
We really were so happy
We've got photos as living proof.

But now we are much older
Our youth is left in the past
Those days we still remember
If only those days would last.

You look up to someone
with respect,
a parent, a sibling a friend,
you turn to them, when
you need to vent, or,
just to talk to someone
you trust....you know
you are safe,
you won't be lost.

there comes a day,
you do want to talk...or,
just to cry out your fears,
your worries...to have them
listen to you, even without
saying anything...their mere
presence would suffice.

but, what do you do, when
the  need for them occurs,
they're physically present,
but, "they're not around,"
their minds are elsewhere,
silently trying hard...harder,
to fight their own battles,
to conquer their own demons.

while drifting on uncertain waters,
an old adage reverberates:
"Do your best,
and God will do the rest."
:::::::::
::::::::::::
::::::::::::::::


sally b

© Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
November 19, 2021

I stare into the flames
and wonder what it would be like to burn,
to feel anything at all
except for this agonising numbness.
My eyes close slowly,
my breaths come slowly,
as if I could disappear for a while.
Take up so little space,
separate from the world for a minute
and make this feeling go away,
make these screaming thoughts stop
and allow me a moment of peace.

I am working the
kinks out of
my you tube
channel.

But, if you
search Thomas
W. Case on
you tube,
you can watch me
recite some of
my poetry.

Meanwhile,
autumn's feral winds
blow the beggars
from my mind.
I'm just a windmill's
dream, haunted by
a thousand empty
bottles.

And so, there I was in the dark again
What was going to happen now I wondered ?
A moment ago, there had been a nightmare dangerous and threatening
It was like the film "The Magnificent Seven" from the Sixties I thought, the Western
(The one with Yul Brynner, Steve McQueen, Eli Wallach et al, I had always loved that one)
The nightmare was like the bandits descending upon the innocent little village
Looking to terrorise and plunder and pillage
Leaving the people all despairing, the little children and their mothers crying
But this time... this time things they would be different
This time there'd be a welcoming committee (the Seven)
"Ha! Ha!" the Bandit leader had laughed, "I see you've built new walls, you try to keep us out"
"No!" came back the reply, "those walls are there to keep you in...we deal in lead friend"
Now suddenly the tables were turned
It was their turn to feel afraid (the nightmare)
You could see it in them, see their faces drop/fall
All their bravado and bluster suddenly drained out
Yea! we'd called their bluff
And then, just like magic, like a puff of smoke
They were gone, just dissolved into nothing, into the darkness,
And so here I was, all alone again in the dark
What was going to happen now I wondered ?

Suddenly a little light appeared in the very top left hand corner
As I watched it I could see that it was growing larger
Pretty soon I could see what it was
It was a snake, a black headed thing like no snake you'd ever seen before
It was like it was moving at a tremendous speed
It looked agitated, enraged even
It was hissing, it's head going from side to side, its fangs showing,
It brought to my mind a fish we once found in a rock pool as kids after a high tide
A strange fish, it scuttered madly around its pool as if looking for a way out
It had these teeth and this fierce wicked look
So wet and slippery looking, it had an energy that was uncanny
It looked like it might jump out of its pool at any moment
It scared me just watching it.

From only being something tiny, now it had grown into something big, rearing up in front of you
You could see the black scales and the deep dark furrows about its face
The huge yellow eyes, the great fangs and the slithering tongue
It was like a jet black steam engine bearing down on you...hurtling toward you
Now it was nearly taking up the full field of my vision
It had grown huge and towering, threatening to overwhelm
I grew afraid, this was something different I'd never seen anything like this before
I decided it was time to go, I wasn't going to hang around
So I pulled out of the dream and awoke with a start
I thought for a few moments, what had I been through, what had I just seen ?
Then I started to castigate myself, why did you run, why didn't you face it, face it down
They were all bluffs, the whole lot of them
You would have seen what was behind it
I was afraid, was afraid I wouldn't get back, that I wouldn't be able to come back...
"Come back!!" I berated myself "come back to what exactly !!!
This world of pains and slow decay, of anxieties and humiliations...of faint joys...ever decreasing circles
There wasn't a whole lot to come back to, now was there
(Y'know I bet their all just waiting... just expecting to hear
"O! He passed away did he, well he was a strange bloke, wasn't he". That'll be my epitaph)".

Then I remembered... I remembered the wonderful old Irish myth/ legend "The Salmon of Knowledge"
(I don't know why that came into my head),
A magical fish, the Salmon of Knowledge lives in a sacred river,
It's said if anyone catches this fish and eats of its flesh the wisdom of the whole world will be theirs
A wise old poet/sage spends his life looking for the fish
Finally he catches it, he has a servant boy Fionn and has him cook the fish
He warns Fionn, under no circumstances eat of the flesh of this fish
But as the fish cooks on its spit over the fire
A blister forms on the fish and then suddenly bursts
Some oil from the fish spurts out and lands on his hand and burns him
He puts his finger in his mouth to ease the pain
And suddenly his eyes are opened to all the Wisdom of the World
When the wise poet sage returns, he sees straightaway the change in Fionn
The transformation that has occurred, the way Life seems to shine in him... (Fionn goes on to become one of the greatest of warriors
And to have many great adventures).

"Next time" I thought to myself, "next time I'll know what to expect, next time it'll be different".  Next time I'll be ready. Next time....