Strain, after strain, causing pain with no gain.
Fight it with love, patience,  
kindness. Rise again.

I’ve got nothing 'cept grit,
You told me: need nothing 'cept believing it.
But doubt overshadows me,
And I crumble rather than being resilient.

I need faith; in the end You'll make it alright
Hope, when I can’t see it,
But doubt locks me...
So I flake and fawn, and fake it.

Somewhere, deep inside a voice full of trite,
Says: get over this ****.
And doubt blinds me,
So I quieten my ego and have a go of it.

"I want to know what love is,"
The ballads croon, a yearning I can't dismiss.
seeking love in all the ‘right’ places,
but come up short, heart strewn, finding no traces.
I have strayed in dares and curiosity,
overwhelming sensations birth animosity.
Pushed down, down, down deep below,
dormant, to 'fit in’, the ‘pill’ I swallow.
Much older now, can I claim my truth?
A Christian? Does that free me: a rebirth?
Am I ‘queer as ****’?!
Can I love without feeling stuck?
The heart requires courage,
but weak am I, keep praying for marriage.
Am I a hopeless case?
Or will I live and embrace?
Will I ever be free?
To be me?
Or will I keep denying,
it and keep trying,
to fit the mould
of this world?
****!!!