M Vogel

M Vogel Nov 2019

And when she had
e x p e r i e n c e d   each part
   of herself--

in each part-
a healing

each part-
its newfound expression

each part-
finally comfortable
with the other parts
   of who she is--

when the sum of the whole
in itself became whole

   then she became whole.

And I
no longer needed
to go so many  d i f f e r e n t
places

or press my face
to so many different
faces

just so that  I
might find her.

02/2016

#xo #x #ox

M Vogel Oct 2019

kee, my relational cat

My relational cat
shows up  for a chat
oh, of course-- and
some food:   with
few ***** to give--
      but it's all good

    Or few-***** it seems.

The kee  I-thot
to be a self-centered snot
has turned out to be
the kee of-my dreams.

I can understand  kitty
kitty kitty kitty; and
I can now  see
that it's me
that's been ******
****** ****** ******--  or
so it seems.

        Or so it seems.

When I think
that I'm bad--  or
have-given all
that I-had--  kee
somehow finds a way
to show me--
         I'm the man
         of her dreams.

Kitty kitty kitty kee.
kitty kitty

kitty

M Vogel Oct 2019

Disarm

The strongholds and fortresses within you
that have for so long, kept you apart  from
the healing has been waiting for you,
all along..
--even they have been longing for a love
that was strong enough,
unafraid enough, and fierce enough

to dismantle their intricate, inner workings..

Because,  even the fortresses  themselves
want to know what it is that real love feels like.
And stubborn and well-fortified, that they are--

    eventually even they bow down  on one knee,
                   to the fullness of love's true nature.

And so, that which once did all it could
to keep you away from the very thing
you needed most;   once disarmed,

would then become,  through your spirit's metabolizing
of it's at one time consolidated fragments,
love's  greatest  advocate.

I could just smile, and cover you
with smoothe words..

         but that would not be love;

just the perpetuation of the same old  emptiness--
     the one that first did the  ****, so many years ago

And it is again, within the dismantling process
that the greatest desire for the ****,
becomes manifest--
and I can either, attempt to completely destroy
your will to live, once the fortress comes down

or bless you with love's tenderness  until
you can become completely rebuilt

And you..

Half dismantled,  the fortress-- still powerful,
can acquiesce both your heart and spirit
into an indentured servitude;

Hell-bent, on the destruction of all things, life-borne.

Or we can both allow love to help us,  each
choose  to let go of the evil-impulse,
and allow it's unholy nature

to become absorbed  into all things, loving;
into all things, beautiful.

Disarm you with a smile
and cut you like you want me to
cut that little child
inside of me, and such a part of you
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn

I used to be a little boy
so old in my shoes
And what I choose is my choice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
my love

I send this smile over to you
https://youtu.be/3oD0B8MqG60

#love #childhoodtrauma #healing #temptation #vulnerability #warmth #resolution

M Vogel Oct 2019

Trust

Those beautiful eyes--
they wont stop looking at me
and they never stop  believing in me

I swear to Christ, I ****** hate her
My contempt-filled, trauma-built fortress of distrust
is systematically becoming  dismantled

raw; pure..   love,  is such a sneaky little ******

And its unfettered, magical-wizardry  is now
putting my central core at risk--
     the fear of annihilation
     is one truly ****** up hell

     a ******* horror  beyond all horrors.

She is still looking at me with
               that love  in her eyes.

                Now I really hate her.

In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
the resolution of all the fruitless searches

In your eyes
I see the light, and the heat
In your eyes
I want to be that complete:
I want to touch the light,
the heat I see in your eyes

In your eyes

https://youtu.be/evN6DIGPIJM
a celebration into freedom

#love #steadfastness #fortresses #healing

M Vogel Oct 2019

Gifted

Heading up  into
the unspoken--  a
spirit,  as of yet
unbroken;

   she needs to be there.

Undefined; undisclosed
with no-thing  presupposed

I bring my  I
(she says)

fly,  said her
  I...
and into  the
   sky
she did fly--

fully-clothed
yet, sacred-robed
she was going somewhere
as of yet
         un-probed.

Is there any way to  dress
for a place  like that?
And when you get there
would it matter  anyways?

Back down to the ground;
white tank top and *******-on--

                                      perfect.

God-ordained but
no one 'splained

the effect  this smokin-view
would have on me--

  heh,
And she brought  that
  Love-scent
back down with her
       from  the N e x t p l a c e

               .. and Im as high
                       as a man can be.

deep within prophesaical-psychosis,
her body/spirit is of the most gorgeous of conduits

https://youtu.be/eQNma7xjMGE

07/2016

#love #magic #warmth #conveyors #conduits #giftedness #eternity

M Vogel Oct 2019

The Crossing

This bridge is faulty
there is dry-rot  taunting
    the girders
Its spandrels:
all knobby-kneed..
  Its pseudo-elaborate  trusswork,
    as if   designed
    by a lonely drunk

It's pilings..  questionable
Its deckwork, treacherous.

    Its abutment--
    aw,  **** me..

    its crumbling.
.  .

If we cross over
under the lie of darkness
we won't be so afraid..

     But these structural-flaws,
     when revealed  by the sun
    are so incredibly intriguing.

  Let's take that step
  and see if it holds us.

There are shadows,
steep  on the horizon
They leave us scared,

   and so afraid

As the fallout of a world, divided..
It brings her tears,  and so much pain

And so we take cover from the dark
hoping to find where we can start
~Miles Kennedy

https://youtu.be/ywQutN0j33o

#love #hope #trust #fear #eternity

M Vogel Oct 2019

Snickers, on a hill

There is a fog in the ravine, yet up on the hill is my Snickers: 16 hands tall.. prominent withers. He is so stoic, peaceful--
and he speaks without saying a word

The river draws lead up to my death,
and down to my death;  and so I stay here in this fog-- the Aspen leaves are turning, I can hear their leaves rustling in the wind, a nearby pheasant rooster's crow, the flushing of prairie chickens

the last sounds of a dying world

Snickers is interested that I am near him: here, on this tallgrass covered hill that he laid himself down onto  so many years, past. I am done here, I know it

and nothing really mattered;

and everything there ever
was,   mattered.