I have this way of waking up
I fill my senses with the scent of spring time
I wonder if, left alone for a while,
I will begin to grow flowers from my skin
And if they will be as beautiful as my memory is
I listen to daybreak’s sweet delusions
Blurred in a rose-colored candor
And cultivated in a cooling soil

I open my eyes

It is not springtime
It never will be, again
I rise from my grave and I walk
Phantom petals falling in my wake

Speaking over coffee
Shooting at the breeze
I smiled at her softly
And loved her more than me

Reflecting back on time with you
As difficult as it seems
It’s so hard, my love, I never knew
Anything as easy

I set down with settled fingers
A cup of clouded dreams
That tastes like fresh carnation
In simmered down caffeine

Tell me all your stories
Sing me songs to sleep
For a moment, I’ll taste the confidence
That you could love me more than me

Curious little hoarder
With stacks of bottle caps
Sitting in my old kitchen drawer
Forgotten in the past

There’s a spotless old report card
And a smoothed-out try-out number
And a dulled-down, hidden razor blade
Buried in the clutter

Here’s my first acceptance letter
Tie-dyed with coffee stains
And a random transit ticket–
I don’t remember missing that train

And seven bottle caps
From seven empty bottles
Downed to allow myself to picture
The life that I’d once modeled

I sip from stolen promises
It tastes like alcohol
Beside some crumpled poems
My anti-adderall

Why did I keep you?
What purpose do you seek?
Or do you just exist to be there?
Do you just waste time like me?

God, I really wanted to be something
When I didn’t want to be at all
I found the greatest height
Looking for the fall

I really made a mess of this
As I looked into your eyes
You said, "Bury me in fiction
Or give me truth I can't deny"

The truth is all I had was me
And a thousand little lies
I almost wish I told a few
Before you said goodbye