There are brief, shining moments
When I exist only for
Myself
When my words aren’t rearranged for anyone’s comfort
And my face isn’t composed for anyone’s enjoyment
And my body is just
My own

I have never belonged to myself

I grew up passed from
Judgment to judgment
Eyes raking me at every turn
So I would sit
Every day
In front of the mirror
And pick myself apart for the world’s consumption

Everyone has always taken what they wanted

I have driven myself insane
Trying to keep fragments of my own
To just hold on to the feeling of being mine
But I have never known how to be that way
And I will give everything I have
Until I have nothing

I tried to save you many times before
Witnessed others try to save you too
Finally I realize that the only person
Able to save you from your demons is you

Time doesn’t wait
                  She flows.
      
If I could    
          I would hold her
                            Enough just to
                                                   Capture
The way your arms felt
       As they covered my heart
                             In a blanket of shelter

Time doesn’t  wait
       Sometimes she runs
          You think you can catch her
              Maybe   even run by her
You reach for her hand
             But she’s miles ahead.

Time doesn’t wait
      Sometimes she stops.
      Never where you’d like.
              Just    enough to remember
             The cries and the pain
              A pain so    unbearable.
      
Time doesn’t wait
        Sometimes  she  goes backwards
            Retracing your steps
                    Replaying your last words

Time doesn’t wait.
    But I wish that she would.

This   is my resignation.

Best of wishes and lots of love

But it’s tiring
Keeping this façade

Temporary highs
Only to finish
with a permanent goodbye

You’ll say you didn’t see the signs
I guess to help you sleep at night

The only fault is mine

Or a twisted joke of nature

To be born wanting to die


                                       I craved to lust for life.