Today I feel heavy,
like stone
has overtaken my body,
like my emotions
are starting to get the better
of me,
like my beautiful,
                                joyful
               mask
is beginning to fall apart.

A cloudless sky,
    so blue and flawless,
         so bright and promising,
              makes me think of us.
A beautiful cathedral,
     so old and strong,
          so grand and intricate,
               makes me think of trust.
A daisy,
     so small and alive,
          so strong yet fragile,
               makes me think of sacrifice.
The ocean,
    so deep and vast,
         simple yet extraordinary,
              makes me think of honesty.
And the night sky,
    so dark and light,
         black and white,
              reminds me of true joy.

"You are powerful,
you are wonderful",
but you are never enough.

"You are beautiful,
you are memorable",
but you are always forgotten.

"You are loved,
you are adored",
but you are always betrayed.

"You are courageous,
you are strong",
but you always cry alone.

"You are loving,
you are kind",
but you always push them away.

"You are honest,
you are true",
but no one ever looks at you.

I don't speak,
I listen,
when the truth gets too hard to admit.
I don't cry,
I swallow,
every hurtful thing people have said.

I run away,
I fake,
I bury,
I break,
apart at every seam

I act,
and I pretend,
I always forget,
how much it really means.

Every time you hear me speak I'm screaming,
whether you can even hear me or not.
Every time you look at me I'm crying,
whether you can see the tears or not.
Don't believe the face you see
all ******* in a bow,
'cause night time is when it all unravels.

Every day I wake up
hearing voices yell in my head.
It never dies until I fall
into my sweet warm bed.

I scream
and I proceed.
I block out everything.
I live it all alone.

I kick,
and then I bleed.
I wait until I'm free
of all these walls inside of me.

Every day you hear me speak I'm screaming,
whether you can even hear me or not.
Every time you look at me I'm crying,
whether you can see the tears or not.
Don't believe the face you see
all ******* in a bow,
'cause night time is when it all unravels.

Everyone's in prison.
There is no light.
Everyone is turning
from left to right.
But no one is there
even if they're
right in front of your eyes.
Everyone's turning because their hearts are hurting.
It's time to say goodbye.

Battles are battles
and we are all giving up.
Battles are battles
and we are all out of luck.
We never could pay the cost.
We never won only lost.
Battles are battles
and we are all giving up
today.

Everyone is screaming
and making ears bleed.
I gave up a long time ago
it's just my reflection and me.
Hating myself
nobody else
for where I am today.
My lungs are burning for all that I'm holding in.
Please set me free!

Battles are battles
and we are all giving up.
Battles are battles
and we are all out of luck.
We never could pay the cost.
We never won only lost.
Battles are battles
and we are all giving up
today.

They rate my intelligence
on a scale of 0 to 36
and decide what I deserve
for my future.
They don't care if I'm strong,
or if I can create things that cause a fire.
If I give my time to those who need me,
or if I really care about my success.
All they see is a set of numbers.
They didn't see me struggle
they didn't see how hard I worked,
they just take the number's word for it.
It doesn't matter if my friends constantly left me,
it doesn't matter if I lost myself along the way,
the number tells them the whole story.
The number shows them everything.
But,
they never saw how many times I cried from exhaustion,
they never watched me as I fell to my knees
on the living room floor after countless long days.
They never heard me scream after feeling so much pain,
so much unbelievable pain.
Many people say, "It doesn't define you!
It's just a dumb test anyway,
and you will be fine either way."
But,
if that's true, why does it still carry so much weight
that pushes us too many of us into this place
of insecurity and anxiety.
It doesn't seem fair
to give kids a test that's designed to point out BS.
It doesn't seem fair
that it costs so much money
in order to get the tools to succeed on a test
that "doesn't define you".
It doesn't seem fair
that a number decides your near future
of what school you're capable of going to.
But,
It seems there is no other way
to **** out competition.
It's official.
Numbers speak louder than words.

Powerful enough
to change the world.
Loving enough
to care.
Beautiful enough
to show them it's true.
Brave enough
to dare.